To Be Free
by BadLuckVixen13
Summary: When Merlin starts acting weird, and there are no magical attacks from Morgana, Arthur notices. Why he never noticed before doesn't matter, only that he doesn't like it. A story on the price and meaning of freedom. FF from "Did My Time". Slash, Merthur, no idea how long.
1. Between Who You Are and Who You Could Be

The morning was bright and Arthur groaned at the sunlight blazing through his eyelids burning his retinas, awakening his brain, and disrupting his sleep. He could have sworn he closed those damn curtains before he went to sleep, or at the very least Merlin had. He would know, he always peaked from underneath the blankets to see Merlin reach high and accidentally (Arthur always pretended it was on purpose) exposing a strip of lickable skin between the band of his breeches and his raised shirt above his cute rounded ass. He always did, it was the second best part of the night if there were delicious dreams about being pounded into the mattress, and the singular best if not. He turned over, but there was only more light there. Eventually, the young King sat up with a growl. There was a platter cover that reflected the gleam of the sun around the room, lighting his shield and several other things such that the room was suffused with light and the only escape would be to practically smother himself in his pillow. He wondered if that cute assed, skinny little sex-object of a servant of his did it on purpose.

_Probably..._

He guessed that meant he had to get up then. He didn't do it willingly. Getting out of bed and shuffling over to where his clothes had been laid out for the day, he realized his breakfast was under the cover, the goblet was filled with water, the pitcher set beside it. It was an odd feeling to have everything set-up without fuss and without the usual call of "Good Morning" from the man. He had no doubt that it had been Merlin who had been in the room earlier that morning. There was the tell-tale cleaning that he did every morning that let him know that as he sunk down to eat still waking from his deep sleep. It was a little odd not to see Merlin that early in the morning, but he passed it off as him probably off helping Gaius do something, or running errands. He didn't dare think of why he was a little saddened about not seeing Merlin, but he knew. It only took a few consecutive nights of twisting and turning against the delicious, sensuous heat of dreams to say that he at the very least wanted to bone his servant... though in reality, he'd been the one getting boned and it been a lot more intimate than sex.

Arthur shook his head at the insanity of it all. He though he'd gotten over it, that he'd shoved it down and suppressed it for good. He thought it was all hidden away in that cupboard with the rings and letters that he never returned to viewing. He'd grown cold after that, icy freezing half the time and did everything he could to train his body to react to women the way it should. It worked until Merlin showed up.

When they'd met, everything about Merlin had rubbed him the wrong way. Everything from the stupid cowlick on the top of his head to the tips of his raggedy boots. His attitude and lack of respect had irked him to no end, but there was something else to that he didn't dare admit after they kept meeting and the other eventually saved his life. Those feelings of annoyance shifted into something like care and from there, he wasn't sure if lust or love came next. When it started, he'd panicked and made the mistake of losing himself in some random serving girl's arms. Unfortunately, she'd had dark hair and high cheekbones and he'd practically seen Merlin in her and had enjoyed it thoroughly... He didn't want to think about how much more he could have if it was secretly Merlin dressed up or something. That scared him almost as much as the dreams.

Despite his intents, He hadn't done a very good job of avoiding the other, rather than sending him away to avoid the distraction, he found himself craving Merlin's presence like a drug. More frequently daydreams of them standing side by side, on the throne, ruling over Camelot came to mind and his mind strayed to the box in the back of his wardrobe. The dukedom of Dale had been overrun and reclaimed strictly by Camelot because of the Duke's allegiance... but he had never been found. Arthur had gotten a letter signed "A.N. Dale" but there was only "Be strong." on the inside and no information as to where the sender was. That had been stored away with the last sight of those rings that Arthur swore he would ever see. He did as they asked, to be strong and to rule as he saw fit, as was needed. He didn't need Merlin mucking up the plans as thoroughly as he did, but the man controlled his thoughts.

A shiver ran through him, even though the room was warm. The sight of early frost blanketing the courtyard had made him think. It getting colder now and Yuletide-He'd really have to think of something to get the skinny sex object for Yuletide... It was right around the corner after all and for once he'd like to see his servant looking like his servant and not an errand boy for his stableman. (It wasn't because he liked the idea of buying Merlin clothes and marking him, oh no. Never.) He snorted, knowing that was the exact reason. At least then his imagination wouldn't have to work so hard and maybe he'd get some new fantasies out of the deal and maybe this new rise in homosexual tendencies would die out.

_Where is that idiot anyway?_

It had happened more and more frequently in the months of odd quiet and non-magical disturbance. It was just his luck that the few moments in which he could kick back and enjoy the day dream of being tied to the bed and screwed into oblivion while Merlin moaned his name was plagued by the other's absence, thus deflating those dreams and giving him the mental space to fight them back into the darkness. When he was alone, there was no need to keep his thoughts decent, his defenses were down and his imagination run amuck. He let it seeing as how it wasn't going to change anything. He was going to do exactly as Camelot needed, and Camelot needed heirs to the throne.

He finished breakfast quickly, getting dressed for training that day while stretching as he headed down the stairs. He caught a glimpse of the knights heading into the armory for their armor without seeing Merlin. As he walked down the steps, he didn't realize that the castle looked a little cleaner than he remembered, the tapestries had been dusted, and a few other things had changed. The floors had been scrubbed but he guessed that was because of Yuletide.

"Guinevere, have you seen Merlin?"

She shook her head, "I haven't seen him all morning..."

He continued to ask around, yet no one had seen his manservant. Maybe he was sick, or off on some herb gathering trip for Gaius and just forgot to mention it to him before leaving... But that wouldn't have explained the food in his room and the set up of light rays. He headed downstairs towards Gaius's chambers, the final stop before he went looking through the Rising Sun.

"Merlin!" Arthur called walking into Gaius' chambers.

The old man looked to see the King standing in the doorway looking a little more than upset. He didn't even want to know what Merlin had done to evade suspicion this time, or what he'd done in general. He didn't really agree with some of Merlin's methods, but being in the stocks and being called an idiot was a lot better than being hanged or burned at the stake, so he didn't think about suggesting anything better. Besides, everyone disregarded Merlin that way, hell he'd started to regard Merlin that was and he knew everything! To the common world, he was just Arthur's lazy servant, despite the fact that Merlin helped everyone and still had his own duties done by nightfall. He wondered if Merlin's art of deception was a good thing or not.

Gaius shook his head at the thought of ethics when his wards life was on the line and took a seat, if Merlin managed as many miracles in once day, with and without magic, you'd think that golden-haired Arthur would at least accomplish one, but apparently the man couldn't even dress himself properly... He stifled a giggle at the mention of his King bent over at the waist, arms outstretched and waiting for Gaius to slip his shirt over his head... He only hoped that it was a mere moment of panic and worry, of needing an assurance... But he didn't think it was...

"Sire, Merlin isn't here..."

"Well, where the bloody hell is he? The drunken lout, he knows the knights are training today!"

"He's...at the Tavern."

Arthur growled. He couldn't deal with this. He would drag that skinny thing back here (without completely abusing his ability to graze fingertips through his hair or over the soft skin at the back of his neck and the tops of his ears) and have him shining the armor of the entire army! And patching chain mail and scrubbing floors all under tedious instruction. He could just imagine the peek-a-boo stripe as he scrubbed floors and chain mail, vanishing and appearing, teasing him without even knowing it. He huffed when he found himself smiling, maybe he was just a glutton for punishment on top of this new found interest in Merlin.

He cleared his throat at the idea and old images of bondage, submission, and Merlin's usually soft and pliant voice, focused and determined to receive his obedience or promising punishment if he- _Suck my dick, your Majesty or I'll be sure to whip you harder than you've never whipped me..._

He shook his head at the thought, it wasn't new found at all, but rather newly remembered. He'd known for a long time that he wasn't particularly interested women. It only took one mid-fight fantasy for him to realize that, but he'd won the battle and shuffled off away to deal with the issue. From then on, he'd had a mask of attraction towards women, and then another to push that one aside so he could be a good knight, then another as his father insisted on tutoring him in the art of war on magic, then another, and another... Until the Arthur that enjoyed a full month in another kingdom, with another name, tumbling with a Duke, and his guest from another kingdom as his servant and bed-warmer was all but forgotten, buried underneath all the other versions of himself-buried at the back of his wardrobe. He only thought of that month in secret, in the middle of the night when no one was around and no one would be able to hear the groans, the gasps of surprise, and the muffled screams as he brought himself to completion, over and over again, until he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

He did wonder how that man felt when they'd been standing across from each other in his father's throne room upon his visit. If he even cared, considering the social climate that they were in, was not evident. The only thing that Arthur gleaned from his expression was empathy and pity. The Dukes had found him in his quiet retreat at the West Tower. Their eyes met, but neither of them said anything. They shared the space for what felt like minutes but had to be hours. He thought of the peace that was there in that moment, of being with someone who knew and didn't care or didn't judge him and what it felt like to be just Arthur, but nothing father than that in the hours of daylight.

Yet, Merlin... _dear, bumbling_ Merlin had practically tumbled into his life and knocked the real Arthur back into the general spotlight of emotions. He'd found a friend who treated him like a person rather than a title, with no respect for authority, at times wise and at times foolish, but loyal all the same. It didn't take long to realize that what he was feeling for the other was a little more than friendship, and only one dream for him to have something akin to an identity crisis on his hand. He'd been playing the role so long, he almost believed that he was this person, but he couldn't be that all the time, especially not around Merlin. He slipped in and out of his "prat" and "Arthur" phase. When he found himself feeling something that felt too much like freedom, he jumped back and retreated behind the wall. Behind it was safe, cramped, but safe. There was no threat of injury or shame behind the wall of his title, his role as King. There was nothing terrible except the deep, self-destructive loneliness and angst he endured for so long. There was nothing but security in self-loathing.

At least he was older now, out of the hormonal confused teenage stage that followed that month of freedom. No longer rushing off in the middle of the night to seek solitude at the Lake of Avalon, or just in the forest to shed his tears outside of the walls of Camelot. They'd had no place in Camelot.

Nothing had changed, he realized. Except the fact that he was marching through the Lower town to find his servant rather than sacking him for his trip to the Tavern was quick. The long list of chores for Merlin, memories, self-contemplation, and places where Arthur would touch his manservant in the heat of dragging him away that Arthur had conjured up in his mind distracted him from the odd cleanliness of the palace as he walked through it. As he opened the door, the barmaid looked up and bowed her head in respect as he surveyed the tavern. Merlin was nowhere to be found.

_He's probably fled to get back to work..._

"Are you looking for Sir Gwaine? He hasn't been here all week."

He turned to the barmaid, whom he knew more informally than not since Gwaine had the singular ability to get drunk when he wanted to forget whatever it is that he was thinking. It was happening less and less, or at least in less intensity for reasons that Arthur wasn't privy to.

"No, I'm looking for Merlin."

If Gwaine was in the Tavern, he wouldn't have to look, he would have heard him before walking in. The man was loud and obnoxious even without being drunk. He would have heard Percival telling him that he'd already had too much to drink. Gwaine would ignore them and start flirting with him, it was practically the same thing every time. Bless Percival for being such a patient soul. The woman frowned in confusion.

"Why would you be looking here for him sire?"

It was his turn to frown, "What... do you mean by that?"

"Merlin only comes here... well when you're here or he's here to get Gwaine. He hasn't been here since before Elyan and Percival joined the knights... That's been years hasn't it?"

He felt his anger rise as he marched out of the Tavern and towards the training grounds only to find his knights assembled. So where was his damn servant? Their armor glowing in the sun, chainmail perfectly patched. it wasn't Elyan's doing, he knew that much, nor was it Gwen's work. There was a different feeling to it, it was familiar but he couldn't place it. What the hell was going on? And how is it possible that Merlin had managed to let him believe he was at the Tavern all this time?!

"Where's... Merlin?"

"Oh... I don't know. Haven't seen him since he handed us our armor... He left yours here too."

"Said something about helping Gwen," Lancelot piped up. "He seemed... edgy."

Arthur shook his head, he would have to deal with Merlin later. For now, it was time to train. He wasn't sure what it was about that day, but there was something off. Merlin, edgy? Not at the Tavern? Hadn't been seen there in years? What the hell was that moron doing when Arthur couldn't find him? Did he have a girl or something? Arthur snorted and his hand clenched of its own accord. He doubted that Merlin had the charm to woo a girl to overcome that gangly body and clumsiness of his.

Training ended and they headed to the armory and were almost blinded by the gleam of sunlight of the side of a sword hanging on the wall. From the looks of it, it was freshly sharpened and polished. There was a sound that drew their attention, Merlin scrubbing at a shield with a fierce determination as if the sheer mindlessness and focus required to scrub that shield was all that was keeping him sane. Apparently, he really really wanted to be sane.

He was sitting in his customary position on the floor, his tunic rode up leaving a tiny peak of skin and Arthur wondered if he did it on purpose or if his clothes were just a little too small for him. He'd remember to ask one day. His tunic sleeves were rolled up exposing more skin than Arthur had ever seen at one time that wasn't in Gaius's chambers, splayed out and almost dead. It was a nice change, but a terrible time.

"Merlin, you idiot, where have you been?"

That sounded more like prat! Arthur than anyone else, he almost winced at the sound and some part of him shook his head in shame. If only people knew how much of a coward their brave King Arthur really was... He'd have a full scale revolution on his hands...

Gwaine gawked at the audacity and Lancelot's jaw went tight as he steered the easily riled man away from the scene.

"Cleaning the stables."

Arthur huffed, noticing the dust of mud on his worn out boots, they there were beginning to fall apart, he could practically see Merlin's socks through them. If he wasn't mistaken, his pants had acquired a few more patches than they had a few days before... his hands looked a little more worn with tiny strips of cloth dotted with blood wrapped around his fingers. What had he been doing? Sewing in his sleep?

"And before that?" He pressed.

"Cleaning the leech tank, gathering herbs, delivering medicine, helping Gwen, shining swords, mending clothing, mending chain mail, and retrieving water for the cooks."

Arthur blinked, "Sounds... like you're finally doing your job. You might make a fine servant yet. If you could ever stop being such an impossible mess."

The shield was shining as he put it aside and moved about the room with deft fingers loosening buckles until armor fell into his arms to join the pile of "To be polished". Arthur was last, he had never seen Merlin so... focused on a task. He'd never been that fast at it either. He really didn't like it. It was usually the only time Arthur, the real Arthur, could conjure up fantasies about being undressed for something better than a council meeting or dinner. The only time he could feel Merlin's breath across his neck, though not as hard as it is in his imagination, but he could force fantasy Merlin to kiss his neck and bite down hard for his submission.

Before Arthur realized Merlin was back on the floor scrubbing away at his armor until it shined. He didn't know why he felt uncomfortable watching Merlin work, but he felt it and he didn't like it. No, he definitely hated it. It made his stomach turn as if there was something immensely wrong with the other. He looked on the edge of insanity, or tears, or something... something terrible that would probably turn his entire world upside down.

Gwaine winced, "You... have you eaten yet Merlin?"

"No," was the reply and they weren't sure what to make of Merlin's expression.

The knights filed out before Arthur began his questioning.

"You haven't been at the Tavern... in years Merlin?"

He didn't stop scrubbing, switching places on the armor. If he just kept moving he could handle it, he could handle it until he could leave the castle, leave the city, and rush into a desolate spot in the forest where he could feel like he belonged for a moment, to just release the pressure that was building up on him. Maybe he could make it to the Lake of Avalon away from here. Away, away, away and be free. Feeling that power coursing through him, being put to use, he could only imagine the feeling now that it had been so long...

_You could do it now,_ a part of him whispered. _What could they do to you if you did? You could leave. Is this all really worth it? Did destiny say anything about having to deal with this?_

He shoved that voice aside and kept scrubbing. It wouldn't be long. His magic was getting angry with him, threatening to burst out of him if he ever had a moment of not doing anything. If one part of him stood still for too long, there would be sparks. He felt it cramping inside him, boiling, rolling through his blood he was sure that he was running a fever. That second voice was only the beginning. When it had started a few weeks prior he'd been startled until he realized that it was less of a voice than his magic relating his own emotions, latent emotions, hidden things that he didn't have time to deal with right then, or at all if he meant not to be burned on the stake for some various crime.

"Merlin, can you hear me? Are you listening to me? What have you been doing all day?"

"My job," he replied.

A part of him laughed, his magic did. _His job?_ His job as a lowly servant to one of the most insufferable, sexiest, prats in the history, putting his life on the line for this and knowing that if anyone ever knew how the once and future King had ever escaped as much as he did, he would be burned at the stake. His job to bear the wound and the scars, the pain and the insanity, to bottle up a part of him that was more instinctual than breathing.

_My job sucks...and destiny bites the big one..._

The armor hummed beneath his fingertips, the room pulsed flat boards calling to him for something, tugging. It appreciated his constant diligence. At least someone did. The stones were screaming praise for cleaning them, the swords gleamed with thanks for shining, and the air... He swallowed hard and continued scrubbing, he needed to think, he couldn't think about the air lest he start a gale force wind in the room. He switched to Percival's armor, it was a bit dented and probably had to be taken to the blacksmith if he couldn't do it himself.

_You could fix it now..._

He shoved that thought away scrubbed so he could see the real damage. It was more dirt than dent, a few gentle and focused hits with the hammer and it was back to normal.

"I'll have you in the stocks if you don't stop that and tell me what's going on."

Merlin looked up at him, shining away not looking. His eyes were narrowed so Arthur could barely make out their color, but it wasn't a glare. Nothing, his eyes were focused, his face was tense, but it wasn't a glare. He just got Merlin's attention while his body kept at its job driven by some other force that seemed to be giving Merlin some trouble. If Arthur was wrong, which he hoped he was, Merlin looked absolutely exhausted and pained. His face flushed red with exertion, but he wasn't breathing hard, his breath came out slow and almost meditative as if he was focused on each molecule entering and exiting his lungs. His eyes looked a little dark but he couldn't really be sure. All in all, there was just something wrong.

"I am being a servant. That's all. If you set your boots next to the others I'll get to them as well."

Arthur huffed, "Fine. Shine the rest of the army's boots and armor, sharpen the blades, oil the cross bows, daggers and the rest, and scrub the floors."

"I did that this morning."

Arthur pretended not to hear that as he left. How long had Merlin been up anyway? He went to his quarters without so much of a word. Merlin was acting strange and the strangeness didn't stop. If anything, it was only getting worse. Merlin woke him up dutifully, humorlessly. He didn't stand still, he didn't seem to be capable of it, still jittery and on edge. There was no humming, nothing but boots moving across hardwood floors. Watching Merlin work was tiring. He winced at the tendon standing in his neck and Gwaine made an astute observation after the next day's practice.

"I feel like I should save my armor from Merlin..."

Percival nodded and Arthur was only more confused, yet he did agree. So he stopped Guinevere in the hallway one day.

"Do you know what's wrong with Merlin?"

"What do you mean? Why don't you ask him?"

"Surely you've seen him,... he's working."

"Merlin always works, I don't understand."

"No... No... you... look at this."

Arthur pulled her to the window to look out below. Merlin went speed walking past carrying a pile of bedding that looked suspiciously like the bedding she had been on her way to retrieve from the line. He vanished into the castle and Arthur looked at her confused face pointedly.

"You see, this isn't normal," Arthur said.

"Maybe he has something on his mind... though... I could have sworn I saw him in the stables this morning. How did he know about the laundry?"

Arthur growled. This was getting to be more difficult than he first thought. But he walked back inside and found himself watching Merlin work as he ate. He seemed to never be in one place for very long. He'd brought in Arthur's lunch, poured him a glass of water and carried the pitcher with him as he went around straightening the room. He didn't trip, he didn't stumble, moving with a sort of determined grace. Something was different he couldn't place it but he knew it was there. Too much attention, too quiet, too tense... Merlin almost knocked over a goblet, yet caught it without a hesitation, without flinching and continuing on.

Arthur ate slowly watching him find things to keep himself busy, his eyes were trained on him as Merlin to up a position at the end of the table, standing. He was gripping the pitched of water too tight, his knuckles were paler than the rest of him. Legs locked and staring into the distance in conversation. A bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face over high cheekbones and Arthur continued to eat slowly watching his eyes flicker and eyes closed and the trembling began at his knees, coursing up.

"Do you have to use the bathroom, Merlin?"

"Not particularly, sire."

The words were cut short and the trembling stopped,

"Then stop fidgeting, you're the worst servant I've ever had."

"Then sack me," came as a reply too quick for Arthur to comprehend.

But he looked up. He didn't want to think about why Merlin had an expression somewhere in between pain and utter focus. He didn't want to contemplate the twinge in his heart when Merlin had said those words. He never intended to sack Merlin, he'd never intended to. At once it was out of spite, but it slowly became because he liked having Merlin around to remind him that he was a human being.

And...

He shoved that thought away before he spoke, "Don't be silly, so I can get an even worse servant that you?"

_Smooth Arthur...real smooth..._he swore he was such a prat sometimes...

"In your opinion."Arthur set down the tomato he'd been rolling in his fingers.

"Is there something you'd like to say? "

"Nothing, Sire."

Arthur sighed finishing before getting up to go to his desk. Merlin was on the dishes, whisking them away and vanishing out the door. The oddness didn't stop there, of course not. That night, he didn't even have to yell for Merlin to bring him bath water, it had been perfectly hot when he arrived and sunk in. The other was nowhere to be seen. He'd have to actually talk to Merlin, it would seem as the other just wouldn't tell him about it at all.

* * *

Merlin ran fast, he didn't have much time if he meant to be back before Gaius noticed. Happy that they'd run out of some nameless herb, he'd taken it upon himself to go and retrieve some. It was getting dark, but he didn't heed Gaius' warning, it didn't matter as he raced out of the palace gates and into the forest to find them. When he was beyond the trees he only found one and focused to make a plethora grow, that was all he could do and he could feel it reeling down, just enough for him not to be dizzy. Just enough for it not to be pulsing at the back of his eyes threatening to shoot out. It had never been this bad before, but that was because there was always something happening. Always some magical force coming at them that required Merlin to use his own. There had always been something, but of course there was this moment of peace, Merlin hadn't been prepared for it. He hadn't been ready for it at all. It wouldn't have been so bad but for some reason it was only getting worse. Maybe it was because he was getting older? He didn't know, but there was too much of it to be kept inside, he was too small of a container and he feared that he would pop more than anything.

So he fell forward, hands in the earth and let go for a moment, feeling the grass sprout beneath his fingers curling up his wrists and around in a trail of Lilies leading towards the Lake of Avalon. He couldn't go there tonight, but it branched out, awakening things that were dead, things that were barely alive, strengthening the trees. He felt the world around him and stood as the darkness was almost impenetrable. He had to get back otherwise Gaius would begin to worry. He came in depositing the collection of a multitude of herb on the table before beginning to separate them into their vials. Gaius seemed shocked at the amount but did not question it.

"Come eat," he said. "You're looking more and more thin by the day."

He nodded a little bit, forcing down the chicken and bread down his throat and breathing easy. He could relax for a moment, not by much, but just for a moment he could relax.

* * *

Morgana sat waiting, patience had never been her strength, but for this she could wait and gather her power. She'd seen the error of her ways before, rushing in without knowing who Emrys was and being thwarted at every turn. She had been foolish and angry, power mad, but things were different now, much different. All she had to do was wait. If Emrys was as powerful as the Druids believed, then he would burst eventually. There need be no more sieges, no more magic threats... she had the entire magical community behind her this time to take back Camelot from the Pendragon name. All they had to do was wait, train, and be ready from the moment that he was caught. It wouldn't take long."And you're sure that this Emrys will be forced out?""Yes, for the Emrys the use of magic is more instinctual than breathing, he will have to reveal himself either by choice or by accident eventually..."

"How soon?""

"Depending on his age... I would say a few months."

Morgana smiled, she could wait a few months, testing her powers and resting for the final campaign if that is all it took. She only wished that Mordred was here for this rather than in that damned armor under Arthur's eye. He would have enjoyed this just as much as she did...


	2. Masks and Vines

His eyes opened, the sun twist out of his eyesight letting only enough to light the room reach them. They didn't burn and his body sprang up, looking around as the sunlight arched around him and avoided his eyes with reverence. He took a breath of relief, swung his feet over the bed and rubbed his eyes. It was the same every morning, the same every night he actually managed to sleep. He'd wake up in a flurry of panic, heart pounding in his ears, hands shaking in terror, eyes shifting around the room nervously. When he established that nothing had been floating, moving, or cleaning on its own this morning, the tension eased a little and the nausea started, making him swoon and forcing him to put his head between his legs and breathe deeply.

Though it wasn't as bad as some other mornings, he still felt sick as the pre-dawn light flitted through his blinds. The streams came in oddly, shifting, bending at odd angles and realized that that was the feeling in his heart. It made him dizzy and pushed against him, but he couldn't let it continue. He had things to do and couldn't go around bending light away from him. So he took a breath and yanked hard on the magic, leaving the sunlight to rest back into his place and fought off another wave of _delirium tremens._

Dear Goddess, he hated waking up most mornings, but he didn't have a choice. He had to get going, had to get moving. He took a moment to breath easy and relish the feeling of the world dimly humming around him, even his uncomfortable bed seemed to feel like more than what it was as he breathed in and forced himself to get up. He stumbled at first, but steadied against the wall. He took a moment to breath before standing upright and trotting down the stairs to great Gaius, make breakfast, and get on his way.

When he was in Ealdor, he never had this much of a problem getting up, never had this much of a problem with anything. He didn't wake up nauseous, dizzy, or utterly imbalanced there, yet ever since traveling to Camelot, he'd only gotten more and more clumsier and not because his body was growing too fast for his muscles. No, he'd never had that problem. Everything in him seemed to grow together and in great proportion. At some point in his life, he was very graceful. But that was before he came to Camelot of course... When it first started happening in Camelot, he thought it was stressed. He more like hoped it was stress, and the frequency of magic used in Camelot that he could fight off was enough that he really could play it off as stress. But Merlin had always known that there was more to it than just stress... His magic was cramped and irritated.

He was much too small a container, or rather his skin-like boundaries with the world were negligible at best, they always had been, and his attempt to hold siege around his magic was leading to this. He felt sick. His body was imbalanced and all and all that made him completely imbalanced. He only hoped that it wouldn't spread to his mind otherwise he'd have some serious was still sleeping it turned out and Merlin rather not wake him, taking the time to make breakfast in peace and wallow in his internal roiling.

A few more moments of private peace and he was up, pulling on the armor of his servitude and schooling his features into serenity. It was something he'd had a lot of practice doing. He looked over the list of things Gaius would have him do for the day and started on the most important parts before heading to the kitchens to get Arthur's breakfast and carry it up the stairs to the man who also wasn't up as usual. Merlin entered the room, pulled back the heavy curtains around the bed.

"Time to get up!" he announced. The King grumbled and complained about having to wake up. Merlin paid him no heed as he always did it, but thrust the blinds open, pulled the covers off him and told him to get up with as much snark as he could muster through his disorienting imbalance.

"Oh how lazy, the mighty King Arthur is." It was apparently enough to rile the man and distract him from the tremor in his voice and the phantom queasy sound Merlin could hear in his speech. Arthur sat up, blonde strands sticking up in multiple directions, bare chested and glaring over the expanse of the bed as he got up out of bed with a growl. His loose sleeping pants rode low on muscle sculpted hips and abs. It was a nice steadying view to focus on as a reason not to pass out.

"I am not lazy!"

"Glad to see you're up,sire."

He replied before setting the remaining bits of clothing out and announcing that he would leave him to get dressed in order to take care of a few things for Gaius in time to meet him for the council. Arthur didn't ask questions as Merlin flitted away, oddly light on his feet but wavering still as if he felt awkward in his own body. He brushed it off as Merlin always looked like he was awkward in his own body. He was ready to head down and met Merlin in the corridor in front of the hall. They hadn't even managed to get into the nitty gritty details of the kingdom's financial status when it happened.

"Sire!" Leon said as he came into the council looked up at him in interest, "What is it Sir Leon?"

"There's a villager here saying something about a path of lilies..."

Arthur frowned, "A... path of lilies...?"

"On barren ground sire..."

Merlin swallowed hard as the young woman came forward, curtsying lightly. He recognized her as a girl from the lower town. He remembered running into her a couple of times in his quest for certain herbs that Gaius needed. He didn't remember her being there at the dead of night when he went and prayed that no suspicion would be directed at him. He figured that all the other times he's been caught in the crossfire of sorcery accusations were enough to make anyone suspicious, he didn't think that his reputation could take one more.

_Good maybe then you can blast this stupid castle to the ground, _Merlin shoved that thought away. That wasn't him, that was the under-siege magic talking, saying words that spoke something about his sentiments towards Camelot's policies... He felt it sneaking towards his boots to erupt and splinter the flagstones and cut that line of connection before it could take hold. Another wave of nausea came, he clenched his jaw and didn't move.

"What... Why is this important?"

"I walk that way every day sire, to pick herbs... There has never been anything but grass and trees in the meadow, and barely that...but this morning there were... I don't know a field of some sort of flowers and medicinal herbs that had never been there before. I had only gone early yesterday afternoon. Nothing grows that quickly... The trees had grown, everything was so green, I... I was just scared that there was magic involved."

_What kind of sorcerer makes the flowers grow?_

Merlin swallowed as she was dismissed with the assurance that her concern was well noted and they would look into it. Leon had already gone to see and pointed out there were a set of footprint shaped patches of basil before the lush field stretched out.

"It leads all the way to the Lake of Avalon."

Arthur frowned, "We'll keep an eye on it."

Merlin wasn't sure whether to be relieved or annoyed. Who worries about a sorcerer that makes the flowers grow anyway? If Arthur was such a fanatic about everything being magic-free he would really hate it when Merlin stopped keeping his food warm, the water chilled or anything else he did. The meeting went on and was dismissed, Merlin went back to rushing about the palace. His magic had built back up extremely quick, faster than he expected anyway. Apparently fostering a near meadow of flower, herbs, and spice wasn't even a dent into it. He couldn't help but think that this wasn't going to end well. Especially since Arthur was planning another hunting trip.

Goddess, how he hated hunting, not only did they go out and kill poor animals, but being surrounded by all that life, all the green and the like would be hell on his control. Unfortunately, he had to got because Arthur wouldn't know how to cook a deer tender even if you wrote him an instruction manual. He packed and readied the horses himself following after the knights as they headed out into the forest past the newly formed grove. It drove a spike of guilt through him and for a moment the defenses were weakened, but only for a moment.

"That... definitely looks like magic..."Percival swung off his horse to kneel and take a look, picking a bit of basil and sniffing it."It's... rather fresh..."

He shrugged carrying on into the forest, chewing a mint leaf, tethering the horses as Arthur and the knights spread out to find something to hunt down and bring back to the castle.

_Couldn't they find something better to do?_ Merlin thought in exasperation.

Not that he wasn't a fan of meat, but he could feel every time they cut something down. He just wished that it would be for something more than sport. But rather than say so, he headed to the lake to fill buckets for the horses and gather firewood. It didn't take them long without Merlin scaring away most things with his clumsiness, and sometimes his intention. The brought back a deer, gutted it, hacked up and Merlin was in charge of roasting it. They laughed and chatted, teased, and Merlin said nothing, focusing on the flickering flames. He doled out the meal, poured water and said nothing. He served them as needed and went back to staring into the fire away from the small band of knights around Arthur that laughed.

He felt Gwaine approaching him. He was light on his feet, not a real leaf gave way, but Merlin didn't need those normal signs. With them distracted, he could sit to the side and channel his magic into his senses, expanding outward and letting the world see him. He felt infinite in those moments, and the nausea lessened the longer he focused on it.

"What's going on with you Merlin?" Gwaine asked, sitting down beside him. "You've been off a little lately..."

Merlin snickered, "You... have no idea."

"You should eat."

"Not hungry."

"You haven't eaten since we left..."

Merlin shook his head and didn't correct him. It had bee much longer than that. He'd made breakfast for Gaius, made it seem like he'd eaten, but didn't. He didn't eat dinner the night before either, or lunch, or breakfast...

"Maybe later."

He was too dizzy, he didn't want to think about what would happen if he allowed his body to get some food. He'd have way too much strength to run on magic alone. And even though his magic was feeling cramped in too small of a container, it was giving him the energy to move about and not faint from lack of food. His movements were clumsy, but they were controlled as best they could be. It wasn't a good idea, if he had physical strength along with the magic, the small stream of energy he was focusing would gush out with life and he'd have a much bigger problem on his hand than an empty stomach. Soon they would be heading back depositing the rest of the meat in the kitchen before heading back to the more boring duties of being a King's manservant. Merlin wouldn't have much to do now as he'd scrubbed the entire castle at least a few times over and was too physically tired to support himself without the absorption of his own magic. But Gwaine had been persistent, getting him to finish a whole bowl of stew and a healthy cut of meat before heading to sleep. He knew he'd need to release before they headed back, before his body had the chance to absorb the food, thus when most of the camp went sleep, and at the very least he was sure Arthur was asleep he stole off into the woods, running as fast and as free and as guiltless as his feet could carry him.

Arthur didn't sleep, or rather he was woken up by a tug on his senses. Someone was moving away from the camp-_fast_. Looking around, he realized that it was Merlin missing, a twist of terror went through him and he got up, following the sound of footsteps and billowing clothing. He caught a glimpse of Merlin's body but no one else. At least he wasn't being kidnapped. Most of the chase revolved around him trying to figure out what the hell was going on, but Merlin was fast, extremely fast with a medicinal satchel across his body and rushing through the forest. Had Arthur known he was such a fast runner he wouldn't have bothered, but he also didn't really know what Merlin was doing, only that he'd woken up and Merlin was rushing off into the woods. He lost him in the dark, it was too dark for him to see anything, but he could hear Merlin's footsteps in the distance. He cursed as it was too dark to track where Merlin might have gone and thus he returned to camp only to find Merlin sitting by the fire placing more wood in the flames and stoking it.

"Merlin..."He looked up his satchel was full of herbs and the like and he was separating them by the light of the fire. "Where'd you...get off to?"

He raised an eyebrow and then the filled satchel, "Gaius asked me to pick some herbs up while we were out and about... You look... out of breath. Maybe you should lay off the stew."

He could see the King's pride hurt. Arthur was in great physical shape, trim, all solid lines and stern muscle. He could run fairly fast with, and without, his armor... But whoever he was chasing was apparently faster. Merlin smirked on the inside, he'd outrun the King, but he wouldn't tell him that. He only needed to bruise the other's pride to get him off his back. Insinuating that he was out of shape would be enough. He turned back to the fire, not paying attention to the man that was trudging up behind him.

Arthur huffed, "Are you trying to say something Merlin?"

"No, I already said it."

He took that moment to swat Merlin over the head and neither said anything when Merlin ducked. To call it "dodging" would have done it an injustice. Merlin had merely tilted his head out of the way, a mere rotation at the neck to avoid it. It was quick and fast as if he'd had more experience ducking and dodging than he let on, or at the very least more awareness of how to do it. He'd never dodged Arthur's swats before, never. Arthur had never known he was capable of it, but the fact that he was now brought up questions as to why he allowed himself to be hit all those other times? Was he always allowing himself to be hit? Had he only just now been able to dodge? What changed now that he could? Does anything change? What the hell was going on?

"You missed," he said, but the statement lacked any cheek, no snark, just a statement of the facts.

Arthur swallowed, and the lonely man inside him winced and whimpered at the tone. It was so distant, and cold as if the little bit of sunlight in Arthur's glittering world of pomp and circumstance, the only source of true reality had been taken away from him. He didn't let it show though, that would be to be weak and he couldn't afford that. He was Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, he didn't have time for weakness, people depended on him.

_But who am I to depend on...?_

His heart shivered at the fact that he'd been able to voice that question through the haze of his assumed personality. He was weakening. What was happening? What was this big eared commoner doing to him? Those were questions for another time...

"Be glad I did, I would hate to have to explain to Gaius why your face is scorched."

Arthur took the time to bundle down, ignoring the shuddering change of the night and hoping that in the morning the world would return to normal. Gwaine woke up to take shift with Merlin. He wondered again why Merlin was taking shift, but it didn't matter as he drifted to a deep looked at Merlin fiddling with herbs across the camp fire.

"What's going on with you Merlin?" He asked. "You've been acting weird lately."

He shook his head, "I'm fine, Gwaine; I wish you all would stop asking that question."

"You scrubbed the entire castle... twice, everyone is wondering what on earth is going on with you?"

"I... I just have a lot on my mind."

"You wanna talk about it? Despite what most people think I can listen."

Merlin snorted, "I know that, Gwaine."

"Then I'm listening."

Merlin sighed and winced as he felt strength returning exponentially as the food absorbed in his stomach. Apparently, the run hadn't been enough. There was more coming, much more and soon his magic was returning to borderline too-strong-for-words. It had almost caught him off guard, he felt it pushing at his slightly relaxed control, but it was merely Gwaine so some of the side effects of the rush weren't necessary to be hidden. The heady intoxicating feeling, the joy that his own power always brought it was a little disorienting, elevating his emotional state higher than what was safe.

"I..." He wavered, swooning in the euphoria. Gwaine watched in confusion, not really sure why Merlin's eyes were fluttering, his jaw was set and he looked somewhere on the edge of screaming for mercy and screaming for more.

"You?" Gwaine asked. Merlin leaned over the fire to speak in lower tones as to not wake anyone, so that no one could hear.

"It's... my disposition."

Gwaine blinked looking at him until their eyes met and he could see the tiny flecks of gold tearing through his blue irises at once fading and rebelling as Merlin blinked. The flickering gold-blue, amber-ice, was noticeable, but nothing was happening around them so he wondered what exactly was Merlin doing with the fluctuating energy? The fire danced a little and decided not to ask. No sense in putting himself in danger for bringing it up, especially not since Arthur was so close to them and probably not sleeping as hard as he wished he was.

Gwaine was right, Arthur was barely dozing off when the conversation started. He got hints and the word "disposition". What the hell did that mean? What disposition?

"Well... what about it? Are you sick?"

"Something... like that."

He wouldn't call it a sickness per se, but it felt pretty damn close. He felt ill, but it wasn't debilitating, just altering in strange ways. He had symptoms of wooziness, dizziness, but it wasn't dizziness. There were extreme headaches, weird places in his body that ached, his limbs wouldn't listen to him, he felt sluggish and insane, but his mind was clear...

_Something like what? _Arthur thought, itching to now. Gwaine's voice had been soft enough to blot out any sense of understanding from where he lay. Whatever they were discussing, Gwaine wanted it protected... and Merlin, the idiot didn't seem to realize that someone could be listening in. It wasn't fair that he'd known Merlin the longest, yet it was Gwaine that was getting this private talk. He always thought that they were close enough that Merlin would come to him if he had a problem.

_You haven't made it particularly easy for him, now have you? _He glared at Arthur who'd said that. It was the real Arthur who looked more upset about it, but blamed prat!Arthur all the same. He admitted it was his fault but that didn't meant that Merlin had the right to hide things from him. He wanted to _know_.

"When... when I keep it locked up, it gets angry," Merlin said, easing the words across the fire.

Gwaine raised an eyebrow, "How... does that work?"

_How does what work?! _The real Arthur shook his head at his temper tantrum. It seemed that Merlin, as he knew, was smart enough to know what Arthur sounded like when he was dead to the world.

"It's because it's my disposition rather than a... learned behavior."

"Uh huh," Gwaine said, all this talking in code was a little confusing but he was sure that Merlin was trying to say that his magic was angry with him. "Your disposition is angry with you?"

"Something like that, it's the best way to explain it. I tried to explain it to my mother once and she understood it that way."

_Explain what to his mother? Understood what? Is he sick? What on earth is going one?!_

"Okay, so what happens when it gets angry?"

"It... comes out at unexpected times...It more like gushes out if it can, if for one moment I lost control."

"Uh huh... so... how come it hasn't done this before?"

"It has, when I was a teen in Ealdor, but since I've arrived in Camelot there have been enough major events that detract attention from me."

It was an understatement of course. That hadn't been a gushing, or just a wildfire, it had been a volcano of the culmination of teenage angst, not fitting in, never knowing his father, and everything else that had been weighing on his young mind. He remembered it and shivered at the power and horror when he realized that he could have killed someone. Lightning tore through the sky, touching down around him, striking land dead. Trees fell, clouds gathered and the entire forest scattered around him. He'd escaped to the forest away from Ealdor to avoid hurting anyone,(he thanked the Triple Goddess everyday since for giving him sense enough to do that) but Will... dear Will had come and found him. Apparently, he'd been worried that Merlin was out in the storm, or maybe Hunith had asked for him to look for him as Will was the one person who knew where Merlin liked to hide in his moments of extreme emotion. He'd seen the other coming through the trees and that had been his first pseudo-homoerotic moment. All of his power had vanished, evaporated into nothing, swirling into silence and shame inside him.

He didn't want Will to see him like that, he never wanted anyone to see him using his power, accidental or he hadn't been quick enough, Will saw. He'd been too quick and the drawback in power had overwhelmed his entire being. He'd collapsed in the clearing, Will caught him, kissed him and he did more crying than making out as his magic thrashed around on the inside, flickering in his eyes and tearing at his skin-like boundaries fighting to get out. He trembled, whimpered and smothered screams of pain in Will's shirt until it died down and the pain ebbed. They woke up the next morning with Will wrapped around Merlin for comfort and calm. It was the first night in a long time that he didn't wake up levitating over the bed or with anything else around him levitating.

"Ahhh... so you in peace in Camelot is a problem."

"A very major one..."

_Ealdor? Camelot? What's the difference?_ Arthur thought with a frown. Was he planning on going back to Ealdor?A streak of panic went through him. Merlin couldn't leave! He wouldn't allow it.

"Well, how much longer until it... gushes out?"

_Yes when are you planning to leave so I can throw you in the stocks to keep you here... _

"I've been trying to avoid it: high emotional states, physical rest-"

"You haven't slept...?"

"No."

"And the eating..."

"It's part of it."

"Merlin are you insane? You can't-"

_That's right Gwaine, tell him he can't leave!_

"It's the only way for now, since that villager is apparently afraid of lilies and basil."

Gwaine snickered, "Well, did it help?"

"For a while... not very long."

_He'd coming back then? Well, how long is not very long?_

"That's why... you've been assaulting our armor lately?"

"Yes."

Gwaine shrugged, "Well, whatever floats your boat... How long can you keep this up though?"

"I don't know... when I was younger it was easier, there was less of it and more chances for me to exercise it... I lasted a week then."

_A week? A week's not that bad...so long as it's only a week..._

"How long have you been..."

"Almost three months."

_THREE MONTHS?! We'll have to talk about the length of sacking yourself and holiday. You'll miss Yuletide and who else is actually going to get everything that needs to be done in the way that it needs to be done?_

Gwaine shook his head, "This isn't going to turn out well."

_You're damn right, Gwaine. He'll be in the dungeons for three months if I have my way..._

When the rest of the knights woke, Merlin had already prepared the horses, put out the fire and was ready to go home. The Knights didn't comment on it, thinking that Merlin was just being Merlin who hated to go hunting. Arthur wouldn't let it go, not after the bits of the conversation he'd heard the night before.

"So eager to get back to Camelot? Can't handle the woods, Merlin?" Arthur asked looking at him suspiciously.

"Whatever you say," was the reply.

He mounted the horse and the ride back to Camelot was simple, easy and with no problems. That night, he didn't bother running outside the castle gates, as it was obvious that someone was following him. He figured that someone was Arthur, but didn't call him out on it. He just stopped leaving the castle all together. Instead, he spent the night organizing all of Gaius' books, vials, herbs, labeling everything, he was scrubbing the floors when Gaius woke up to look at him strangely.

"Merlin... what are you doing?"

"Keeping busy," he said quickly wringing out his towel and moving to dump the water out before walking over to the fire and pulling out their breakfast. They ate in silence, Gaius looked around with a swallow as Merlin seemed to be eating nothing more than what was absolutely necessary to keep him from passing out from hunger. He couldn't have that, no telling how his magic would act without him conscious.

_I'd run amuck_, he snorted. Even his magic was a snarky git.

"Merlin... did you... do all this..."

"Yes."

"From the look of you, you did it by hand... don't you think you're wearing yourself out?"

"I have to, Gaius."

Gaius frowned, he didn't understand. Merlin didn't blame him either, he never told Gaius about the intricate details of his disposition as he'd taken to calling it. It would have only made the man worry about what Merlin was doing, it would have only made things a whole lot worse. He prayed that Gaius would just let him run himself into the ground, a part of him knew that it would last long. A few hours later, Merlin was passed out, still scrubbing at some piece of armor in his sleep. As Gaius approached, Merlin sat back up, awake and continued scrubbing as if he'd only just dozed off and intended to continue. There was a fire in his eyes, burning too brightly to be comfortable.

He only hoped his ward wouldn't do something stupid, like get himself almost killed.

* * *

When they arrived back at Camelot, Arthur had kept Merlin up and at his beck and call, something that Merlin was thankful, even if he'd rather not be at the King's beck and call when he seemed to be in such a bad mood. He was more of a prat then general and hardly let Merlin out of his sight. He'd been pulled onto the training ground to be beaten to a black and blue pulp by Arthur and a few of the strictly noble knights. Though he ached all over, he was internally grateful for it. It gave his magic something to do that could be brushed off or hidden underneath his clothing.

Despite all of that, Merlin had been right. With every passing week it only got worse, even with his constant state of exhaustion and his lack of sleep, he knew that it was only going to get worse when he started blacking out huge chunks of time. He'd been on the training field the first time, the tin helmet was practically suffocating him, but that hadn't matter. For a while he'd only heard his own breathing and then woke up to see Arthur on the ground looking up at him, looking shocked.

"Why Merlin, I think you just knocked me over! Seems like you're finally getting better."

Merlin dropped the sword at his words and swallowed thickly. That wasn't a good thing, no matter how surprised Arthur seemed to be about it. of course, that didn't happen again as Arthur knocked him down consistently for the rest of the day and sighed. It was just luck he'd said, shaking his head. He didn't know what had happened but he avoided Gwaine and his probing questions like the plague. He took any chore anyone would give him, anything: mucking out the stables, washing clothes, fetching water, cleaning the leech tanks...His chores were done, he had no recollection of doing them, but there was no magical residue in the air, no sense of his altering. He took a seat to think and found his world tilting when he realized that the was utterly exhausted and if he sat down any longer he would be asleep, possibly levitating around or making a patch of barren ground sprout daisies and wake up with a death sentence in a dungeon cell.

_At least you'd sleep comfortably..._

Obviously, he didn't sit down much longer after his world began to tilt. He swallowed marching back to Gaius' chambers to pack a bag and explaining to Gaius, "I need to get out of the city. Tell Arthur that I've... I've gone home to see about my mother's health or something."

"Merlin what's... going on?"

He pulled the bag over his shoulder, "I'll explain when I get back, I promise, but I can't right now. I have to go."

Merlin rushed out in a flurry of movement leaving Gaius confused. He and Merlin had always been close, he knew Hunith was in perfectly good health so he wasn't going to see his mother. But where he was going he didn't know and couldn't really fathom. Maybe he was going to talk to Kilgarrah or something, but there hadn't been any need for it that he could see. He could have been going to the Lake of Avalon to visit Nimueh, but he doubted it. Merlin didn't seem to be in the mood to visit the dead. He seemed agitated, exhausted, rushed, and a little frantic. Was there something else bothering his young charge? What else could it have been? There was definitely something Merlin wasn't sharing with him.

Merlin had no time to think about his mentor's concerns. He didn't waste time. With every footfall through the city, his magic twisted and curled like lightning through his legs, it felt an oncoming freedom, a temporary end to the siege and was pushing against the walls hard. He had to reel back from letting it control his running and running too fast. He was out of the city as fast as he expected and through the forest. He ran, practically flying over the branches and lettinig his magic ext through his footfalls, restoring life in patches and rushing towards the lake of Avalon.

Unfortunately, for him Arthur had been on his way back from something and saw a flash of movement through the trees. Against his normal judgement, he followed the sound of it and soon found boot shaped patches of near glowing green grass. For a moment, he heard it stop the flurry of movement ended, but it was human breathing. Whoever it was, had either seen him or seen something.

_A sorcerer..._

It moved again and he was after it. It was faster than him, but with growing footsteps, it wasn't hard to track. But the footprints stopped at the edge of the lake of Avalon, disappearing it seemed under the smooth surface of the lake. He huffed, sheathing his sword and listening around him. There was no sound, nothing, but he knew that whatever, whoever, he'd been chasing wasn't far off. He felt it in the stillness of the woods, all the hair at the nape of his neck was standing and he hated the way the shiver felt down his back, but it didn't matter. Unless it dove, intangible into the lake, it was gone. The lake was placid and peaceful. Nothing had entered it that was tangible anyway. Rather than tackle this alone, he headed back to the city to talk about it with the Knights and enlist Merlin to come along. When he arrived however, Merlin was gone. Gaius was in his chambers, which were more organized than he ever remembered. Apparently, Merlin's cleaning spree was still in effect.

_He's such a girl sometimes..._

"Where's Merlin?"

"He... went back to Ealdor to check on his mother's illness."

He frowned, Merlin had never mentioned his mother. As a matter of fact, he'd never mentioned his father either. For someone he spent so much time with, sometimes obsessive, sometimes not, he didn't know much about Merlin outside of his snark and loyalty. He'd met the woman when they'd gone to save the small village, but other than that there was nothing else.

"Is she... alright?"

"I don't know," Gaius said. "He didn't say much about it..."

"Well, when did he leave?"

"About an hour ago on foot."

He snorted, the idiot could have at least asked for a horse, but no matter. Maybe this is what he and Gwaine had been talking about... It would make some sense. It's possible that Hunith had a terminal illness of some kind. He felt more than guilty that he'd thought about detaining Merlin in the dungeon when his mother was dying... He only wished that Merlin had told him, or talked to him about it. As much of a prat as he could be, Arthur wasn't heartless, he would have given Merlin whatever he needed to go and see his mother. He headed back to the training grounds with a strange feeling that there was something going that he didn't quite grasp. He tried not to think about it but it was niggling him from the inside. There was something off, something up, something off balance. But he didn't let it take over his thoughts at practice, it wasn't until he was eating dinner at his desk, pouring over reports that he let it reign.

Merlin had been acting strange, but he couldn't say exactly what it was. He'd always been fidgety, but it was more so now. Much worse than normal and his physical awkwardness was worse too... expect for that moment in which he knocked Arthur over on the field. It had been a moment of intense grace, agility, and skill that he was sure that Merlin didn't have. He replayed the moment over. He'd been pushing Merlin back, across the field. Telling him to keep his guard up, but the other didn't seem to be able to do that. He wasn't speaking, he couldn't hear the other's breathing even though his own was labored. He couldn't see his eyes either... or maybe he did.

Arthur squinted his eyes through his memory to focus on that slit in the helmet. He couldn't see his eyes... because they were closed. Merlin's eyes weer closed! And then it happened. Merlin stopped, his back leg fell into the proper and perfect position, he'd brought his shield up to block Arthur's attack, shoved hard. The shield caught Arthur's grip guard and Merlin pulled. No, the shield didn't catch it. Merlin had tiled the shield to do so and pulled it. Arthur had reacted on instinct, rather relinquishing the blade than run into the possibility of Merlin's sword ready to run him through. It went flying, and the shield came crashing down and across Arthur's chest shoving him back and then Merlin stopped, swooning on his feet and looked at him, as if waking from the dream.

_"Why Merlin, I think you just knocked me over! Seems like you're finally getting better."_

Merlin hadn't said anything, the sword fell from his hand and he'd consistently gotten his skinny ass kicked for the rest of the training session. Arthur had hoped for another glimpse of that fencing brilliance, but it hadn't come. So he brushed it off as luck, as if Merlin hadn't intended what he did. But looking back on that, and the way Merlin dodged him when they were in the woods, Arthur couldn't be so sure that was the case...

A tendril of heat curled through him at the thought of Merlin being secretly a better swordsman than him. He flushed at the thought of a match in which Merlin beat him terribly and ravished him in consolation. It was dirty and sweaty in the middle of the training pitch. They were dueling with wooden swords, playing strip -duel. (Where he'd gotten the notion of a strip duel, he didn't know...), but Merlin had disarmed him down to nakedness and had ordered him to his knees to suck him off before Merlin turned him over and screwed him into the grass field.

Arthur groaned looking between the less than interesting reports and the hard-on he'd created for himself and sat back, his eyes flickered towards the wardrobe and more images came to mind. Merlin wasn't bigger than like like Nicholas and Alexander had been, but there was something bigger about him. He didn't really know what it was. There was a power there, bigger than Arthur could ever hope to be and that had been what broke him. He was stronger than Arthur in a lot of ways, he'd made Arthur feel safe and pushed him to do better, to be better while still demanding of him his respect. Merlin made him hot and bothered just by being near him and served as a constant reminder of all the things he could never have...

He shook his head, ignoring his hard-on and went back to work. His body would have to deal with itself, he had a kingdom to run and a mask to wear.

* * *

He knew it was Arthur by the way he pursued him, but he was too far ahead for Arthur to know it was him even as the other was screaming, "Stop! Halt!"

_As if I would ever..._

He made it to the lake of Avalon, stepping through the water and keeping the surface calm as he dove under the surface, deep enough to not be seen, but charm the lake's surface undisturbed. Merlin stroked towards the surface as he felt Arthur gaining on him and pulled himself out of the water and behind the tree, holding his breath and not moving. The lake was undisturbed and he prayed that Arthur would just give up. The clatter of Arthur's armor, the whinny of the horse filled the silence and he waited. His breathing was slow, but felt too fast, sounded too loud in his ears. He trembled in the late autumn air, but kept his teeth from clattering. He heard Arthur sheath his sword and felt him peer out into the distance. Moments bled into seconds, into what felt like hours... He waited, not daring to more. Eventually, Arthur turned to leave. When he was far enough, Merlin let his shivering and clattering go on and sunk to the ground. He sighed, his heart still thudding in his chest and he got up eventually. The foliage that sprouted as he walked and wrung out his clothing.

Leave it to Arthur to be much too persistent in following him. He walked along the lake, eyes glowing gold and a trail of foliage sprouting where there was none, blades of grass straightened, shirking off the burden of a footstep that had crushed them. He felt light, and light headed as he stumbled his way along the edge of the lake and stopped when he was in a direction of Ealdor to which there would be no confusion as to where he'd come from, or where he was going.

He managed to kill, skin, and cook a pheasant with some of the herbs he'd brought with him and ate to his heart's content. His clothes dried quickly by the heat of magical fire and he wrapped his cloak around him tightly. With his stomach full and his magic seeping out of him, he felt content and at peace. The world thrummed in stereo, a peaceful and sleepy lullaby.

At his sleepy will, vines grew between trees lacing together into a hammock, their leaves intertwined to fill it and cushion it as he fell into the soft floating heaven above barren ground. Splayed on the rocking bed, one hand brushing against the ground, Merlin made no move to give a damn that the space he'd stopped in was known to be cursed to never bear life for one reason or another. It didn't seem to give a damn about its curse either. The rocking lulled him into sleep and in that sleep his magic rushed through his fingertips and into the forest floor spreading in all directions and plunging through the trees towards Camelot, alighting the river and reviving it with life. The forest sighed in content as the now growing path rushed towards Camelot at the same time a messenger rushed towards them past Merlin's secret grove where he slept for the four days it would take to reach Ealdor and return to Camelot.


	3. Then Sack Me

**So I got sick of short chapters... sorry, but enjoy!**

* * *

The messenger carried news of bandits that were marauding a part of the passage between Ealdor and Camelot. A strike of lightning coursed through him then... _Merlin_. Trust the git to not even be safe on a simple passage home. They were prepared to leave by noon and rode out with the messenger. Taking notice of the new path of green that curled out from the forest as the man lead them across the path.

"Keep your eyes open men," Arthur suggested.

Merlin could hear the sound of them. The hooves on soft earth, teeth gnawing grass as they continued through the forest getting closer and closer. The bandits were waiting, after all the King of Camelot would fetch a nice price. He thought wryly that even in his sleep, he was protecting Arthur, yet the idiot seemed to think Merlin was the one who always required saving.

_Move,_ A gust of something knocked Arthur off his horse as an arrow whizzed through the air and the bandits descended.

The battle was quick, vines twisting around ankles sometimes to give a Knight the upper hand, but there were more coming, much more and they were being pushed deeper into the forest towards Merlin's quiet grove. It was Gwaine that noticed the satchel lying on the ground having almost tripped over it in fending off attacks. He lifted it up and slung it over her shoulder as they were pushed back. Suddenly, the trees were greener, alive, vines twisted and everything was full of life. The bandits were stuck as they were and crumpled to the ground unconcious as they passed the rows of trees. Arthur whirled around his sword drawn out against the magical enemy he was sure was there. They saw nothing but a grove of green life.

"Arthur..." Gwaine said handing him the satchel. His stomach twisted uncomfortably.

"Isn't that Merlin's?" Lancelot asked.

Arthur opened it to see telltale Merlin belongings, a vest, his waterskin and a small sketchbook for herb cataloging. Trust the idiot not to bring food for that long of a trek. He probably hadn't thought of it when he'd gotten the news, stuffing things in a bag that came to mind. The idiot was probably starving, or dead... He could imagine it, that worried look on his face, the only expression Arthur could really conjure up anymore, frozen in time and staring into eternity. Not seeing him, or the Knights as they carried him home. A dark despair would set over him and anything good in the world would lose it's shine. He didn't like the way that realization felt, so he shoved it away and closed the satchel. Merlin was not dead. Arthur wouldn't allow him to die.

"Where... did you find this?"

"While we were fighting..."

Arthur sighed, "Spread out and search-"

"Merlin!" They turned towards Percival's voice and rushed forward through the grove to where he was standing.

It was impossible. If his internal map was right, they were on cursed ground, cursed to never bare green ever again, yet all this green, a perfectly green grotto. He could hear the sound of water trickling over stone, butterflies flitted over Merlin's close eyelids, one resting on his dark hair as he lay sleeping in the gently rocking lush-green hammock between the trees. A hand grazing the flowers beneath his fingertips as he swayed. His cheeks were flushed in his sleep and another butterfly landed on his nose.

"Check the area," Arthur said, pressing forward towards the sleeping man.

_You better not be dead damn it,_ he reached Merlin's side with a yell of his name.

"Merlin!"

The butterflies continued to flit around as he opened his eyes, slow and sleepy, utterly pleased and rested. A jolt went through his stomach as if someone had grabbed his crotch and squeezed. Dear Gods, it was beautiful accompanied by a rolling heat in the pit of his stomach. The butterfly in his hair flapped its wings gently as he turned his head to the sound of clanking armor. Arthur stopped as Merlin began to sit up, looking like something out of a dream as he did so and stretching as if he hadn't been lying in an enchanted/cursed grotto. The one on his face was unperturbed by the movement, the one in his hair didn't seem to mind either and Arthur couldn't help but be amazed. It wasn't everyday that butterflies rested on a human being so trustingly. This was yet another part of the mystery of Merlin.

"Ar...thur..."

"You got captured by a sorcerer on your way to go see your mother!? How useless are you?!"

Gwaine winced at the words as Merlin glared at him, so much for a worried reunion. So much for showing some emotion that wasn't annoyance. With Merlin's inner peace disturbed, the butterflies flitted away. Not that he blamed them, no one should have to deal with Arthur. Since they were under the impression that this place was made by a sorcerer that captured him, it made no difference if he let his magic still seep out of him. Merlin was unfazed, though amused at Arthur's apprehension to the butterflies that seemed to like him and the blossoming flowers and growing foliage.

"For your information I was not captured. I went to sleep. My mother is fine, and I am far from useless."

"Have you any idea where we are right now? How could you be sleeping like that? This place reeks of sorcery."

Not that Arthur would know, but no _sorcerer _ could ever do this. This wasn't the power to conjure or manipulate, this was life magic and if you weren't born with it, born with the Old Religion coursing through your veins, it would not work. He knew that when he called the storm to kill Nimueh and hadn't felt the normal feeling of using his magic.

He rolled his eyes, lying back in the enchanted hammock. Arthur was so dense sometimes,.. all the time. He didn't have the time to be really dealing with this, he felt his emotions rising, rising steadily and his magic was waking from his lulling peace. He needed just a little more time for the pain to resolve and disregarded the wild lily that flirted with the edge of his boot at the end of the hammock.

"It's comfortable," he replied. "And yes I know where we are."

"Get up, there's no telling how long you've been here or what kind of weird game the sorcerer's playing..."

Merlin groaned in dismay, getting off the hammock. The butterflies flitted away from the area and into the forerst. He wished he had wings to flutter away on and get some sleep. He sighed as he pulled his satchel over his head and walked out of the grotto with the Knights. Gwaine checked the bodies to find that they were dead and it seemed like their work was done. Arthur mounted his horse with Merlin trailing along side the Knights as they rode their horses towards Camelot. Gwaine had half a mind to gawk at Merlin and ask him a million question, but kept his mouth shut, he would have to do that when they were safely away from the Princess of Prat.

"I thought you were supposed to be going to see about your mother's health? How did you end up kidnapped and captured by a sorcerer, of all the..."

And Arthur continued to rant, Gwaine gave Merlin a sympathetic look as Arthur continued on about not telling him where he was going, the chores he'd shirked, blah, blah,_ blah..._

Despite knowing Arthur was actually a fairly nice guy (if a little emotionally repressed), Gwaine wondered if this was just how Arthur showed affection for Merlin or if he really was just a total prat. Merlin didn't really care, tuning him out and focusing on the dread that was coursing through him as they walked on through the pulsing green that he'd created in his sleep. He let his magic seep out slowly, carefully, as they walked so that the new sprouts of green would only blend in with that they walked across. He knew Arthur was only being a prat, and tried his best not to let it bother him...As much as he tried a few words flitted through, stabbing him in the heart and ripping at the carefully crafted resevoir around his magic.

_Useless... brainless... danger prone... idiotic... worst servant... shirking... lazy..._

Every fiber of his being was screaming to throw Arthur off his horse and a minor fantasy played out in his mind of scolding and telling the damned King the truth. Vines curling around the man, holding him still in his mouth, gagging him-

_Do it_, a part of him goaded. _Show him the truth... He shouldn't talk to you like that... He wouldn't talk to you like that if he knew..._

He wouldn't talk to him at all if he knew. He'd be dragged through the streets and up onto the gallows, cursing and screaming at the shocked King who could only stutter out orders. Tears would be streaming, pain would course and everything, absolutely everything, he'd worked so hard to conceal would come bursting out. He glanced at Arthur as he continued on his rant and wondered if there was something beyond the prat that was yelling, if this was just his way of saying that he cared for Merlin's well-being or if he was just being a selfish little snot. He considered his own mental health for still wanting to serve this prat, let alone love him...

In reality, Arthur didn't make the distinction himself. His body was still on an adrenaline high from seeing Merlin in that quiet and magical grove, sleeping as if he were dead, yet waking out of a blissfully warm and deep sleep as if he'd had the best night of his life the night before. What if there was something wrong with? What if something happened to him? Why did Merlin go off on his own? How long had he been there? What had the sorcerer done to him? Why did Merlin look so... happy waking up on the hammock? Had something else happened?

_Was the sorcerer Merlin's lover?_

Something hot and heady came next and particularly nasty comment about Merlin's disappearance came from his mouth. His face flamed and he was angry at the thought. He didn't like the way Merlin looked, not because he didn't want to see Merlin happy, but because he wasn't smiling for him, or at him... he was only smiling at a ghost, a memory that Arthur was neither a part of, nor privy to. He wanted to know what happened. That fragile consciousness wanted to ask, to beg him to tell him the truth of what happened-to tell him _something_. He'd also wanted to embrace Merlin, hold him tight and never let go, but his pride as a King, as Uther Pendragon's son, squashed those emotions and pushed them aside, sneering at them as too girly for a King. And rather than words like "Are you alright?" or "I was worried" he'd only insulted his friend and l-... and couldn't seem to stop.

_Why... Why am I angry?_ He pushed the question away as they could see the city of Camelot not too far in the distance.

"Come on, lighten up. Obviously, he didn't meant to be sleeping in a magical grotto." It was Percival trying to calm the king.

"That doesn't change the fact that he should have been more careful."

Merlin looked at him. Gwaine gave a low whistle at the fierce light in his eyes and nudged his horse forward away fromt he battleground, wincing at the explosion that was bound to happen between the two.

"Apparently you feel I am incompetent."

"Well," finally a bloody reply. "That isn't news Merlin."

"Then sack me," he replied looking up at the other.

Those usually warm blue orbs were icy as they were trained on him as if he'd done something mortally wrong. Every part of him, except the King side, wanted to get off his horse, hug Merlin and tell him that he was sorry, that he was only angry because he was scared, because he- and a shiver of disquiet and ice went through Arthur like the plague. He couldn't say that, that wasn't it. It was just that Merlin was one of the few people that he felt he could trust, that he could confide in. There was nothing beyond that. But there was something beyond that stare, that anger as he stopped his horse and Merlin stopped walking staring him down and making his insides turn and his fragile little Arthur, the one that he'd never acknowledged much, quiver and break into tears. He'd never wanted Merlin to look at him like that... His heart clenched painfully in his chest, he swore he was having a heart attack. He didn't want to admit that he'd merely just suffered an attack of the heart which was a lot more painful and more complicated to deal with.

The Knights were quiet, riding forward to allow them to have their disagreement, but before Arthur could remember how to breath, Merlin was marching forward ahead of the Knights and splitting off to go to Gaius' chambers. Stable men came to lead their horses away as Arthur trudged towards Gaius's chamber to speak to Merlin. Gaius wasn't present, instead out treating someone. Merlin busied himself with finishing a few of Gaius' potion preparations and reorganizing a few vials. Arthur came in as he was grinding some sort of root into paste for one of the potions he was finishing. Arthur came in to that, his sleeves rolled up, neckerchief discarded baring skin that Arthur had never really remembered seeing. It had been the first time... in a long time that he'd seen that column of pale flesh bared to the eyes. It looked as pale as he remembered, as soft as he thought it would be, yet corded with invisible muscles and tendons that he knew were there. Merlin didn't acknowledge his presence, focused on his work or merely ignoring him.

"Merlin," he said coming across the room in his lounge wear, he took a seat at the table in front of Merlin.

"Yes, sire?"

He winced at the word. It sounded hissed in his ear even though the tone was completely flat.

The novelty of being called sire had worn off a long time ago when he realized that that would be his fate and doom : sire. What most people didn't understand about titles were that they were masks that had to be upheld for the sake of social convention. They weren't real personalities, more of a curse than a blessing as no one really knew the Arthur to King or Prince Arthur. They carried the weight, fate, crime, guilt, and pride of all those who'd carried the title before him and would after him. Anything he did, it was you sure a great King. A mark of a true King, the makings of a fine King...All the reverence paid to his title or his relationship to that title rather than the person. In fact, one could say that there was no Arthur to Prince Arthur or King Arthur, anymore than there was an Uther Pendragon than his crown, his crimes, his atrocities, his guilt, and all the events of his and his ancestor's life that culminated into Camelot.

He hated it. There were too many versions of Arthur inside him for him to ever be King Arthur alone... And in moments like this, they all turned a pitied eye to Arthur, shaking their head as once again he would not be allowed to do as he wished. He had an appearance to keep up. It wasn't until Merlin had come into his life that he realized that there was a real Arthur, more than the facade, the prattish attitude, his father's teachings, the laws and his station. He'd never paid attention to the scared orphan boy who'd been given life in exchange for his mother and treated as a tool by his "father", that lost little boy in the palace that wasn't allowed to play with the other kids, the scared teenager facing his first tournament wanting to make his father proud and feel like a son instead of an heir. That sibling-less child who'd been betrayed by his half-sister, lost his father, and carried the weight of the entire kingdom and its past on his shoulders. The confused young man that had watched his father die...

He'd never had time to acknowledge or deal with the hurt, there was always something else to distract him from that painful turn inward. It hurt even more when he realized that the real Arthur had been really the only one that Merlin really cared about... and vis versa... the real Arthur had gotten attached to the little glimmer of hope and recognition from Merlin when he was called a "prat" or a good man... If he let himself say, he'd dare say that the real Arthur took more than just comfort in Merlin, but actually-

_No_, there was no time for that, there were things to do, to take care of, people needed him... He was more afraid of turning inward and finding what he felt was there than finding nothing at all... or maybe they weren't mutually exclusive issues.

"You should rest," he said.

"I just woke up," Merlin replied.

But the exhaustion was still there in his eyes. The sleep had been wonderful, the trek to Camelot had taken more power, on an emotional level than he ever thought possible and he was tired again. Arthur was too close and it was tugging at his magic again. He'd have to speak to the Dragon about that. It had never really felt that strong before, but it was probably because he was fresh from evoking the magic of life rather than some other kind of magic.

"I'm giving you the day off," Arthur said standing and leaving. "Rest."

Merlin watched him go, confused all to hell as to what just happened. That wasn't the way he expected that conversation to go, he was absolutely sure that it would be much worse than that. Absolutely, sure that he'd be yelled at some more, but it didn't come and somehow he was more worried that it didn't come at all than anything else.

Arthur trudged up to his room, undressed as he headed towards his bed and sliding beneath the sheets, curled up under the heavy blanket. He'd always found comfort in the weight and warmth of his blankets, the quiet of his room, the silence that engulfed him and the sense that he was actually alone. No one was watching him, no appearances to keep up. It was the moment that he could stop acting as King Arthur and sink into that oblivion of knowing, or rather avoiding knowing, himself. He pulled the blankets over his head like he did when he was much younger and breathed in deeply, the wet humid air under the blankets and resisted the shiver of knowing that it would be faster if there was more than one body generating the heat under these blankets. He wouldn't need so many blankets if he just had someone to share the huge bed with. He pulled a pillow close to himself, closing his eyes and breathing, hoping that that night would be a little easier than the last few had been. A little easier to get to sleep than it had been before. He knew that was a foolish hope, but he hoped anyway.

Seconds ticked into minutes, bleeding into hours and soon the sun was rising beyond his window and he was still conscious, still awake and the door flung open with Merlin carrying breakfast and walking to wake him with the shake of his shoulder and the opening of the curtains. Arthur sat up before Merlin could make it to the edge of the bed. They looked at each other and realized that they'd met a crossroad, left blended into right and diverged at the same time while turning in circles.

"You're... awake..." Merlin said, setting the tray down as his eyes took in the Prince's appearance.

To anyone else, he looked fine, well rested, a little dazed maybe, but to Merlin everything was off. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot as if he hadn't slept. He looked like he may have been on the edge of crying as his eyes were a little wet and glossy in the early morning light... He was also wearing the clothes that he'd worn the day before. Something was wrong, very, very, very wrong...

"Hard not to be with you making all that noise," Arthur retorted getting out of bed, swinging his legs over and slipping on his boots to wash up and eat breakfast.

Merlin didn't respond, but rather left to carry on with the rest of his duties, leaving his pages for the council meeting on the table beside him and scurrying away. Arthur didn't remark on the fact that he'd given Merlin the day off the night before, but rather decided it was better not to talk about it. Whatever was going on, there was a reason behind it a reason that apparently he wasn't privy to.

That night, Merlin stayed in the city running through the lower town to blow off steam, to keep his mind focused and to weardown his body. He arrived back at the castle with a distinct feeling that someone had been watching him. When he turned, he heard a shift in footsteps, but saw no one, he brushed it off as fantasy and headed inside to where Gaius was waiting for him. He smiled at the old man and sat down grinning.

"I think someone's following me lately," he said.

"Why... do you sound so happy about it?"

"It's always interesting to think that someone is following me."

"You should be more careful..."

"I haven't done much of anything, but I suppose taking a run around the city was a little odd in the middle of the night. Someone might think I'm up to something..."

Gaius rolled his eyes, not impressed with Merlin's new outlook on his life, but he supposed it was better than the far too intense stares at inanimate objects that he scrubbed clean. He placed food on the table and took a seat across from the young man. At least he was eating again.

* * *

Things between Arthur and Merlin didn't get any better. To an outsider, it seemed fine, just a servant and the King walking down corridors and the like, but the Knights knew better. Leon hadn't walked in on any more "poetry" sessions and Gwaine hadn't seen Merlin smile really for weeks. Percival, nicknamed the "Silent Giant" by Gwaine had pointed out the physical distance and intense silence between them. Rather than his customary three or four steps, Merlin trailed much further behind, at least a full stride more than usual. It shouldn't have been off putting, but it was. Combined with the lack of banter, the copious use of "sire", "liege", "you Majesty" and the uncomfortable look in Arthur's eyes, something was wrong. Something was seriously wrong.

Arthur knew that but didn't know why. He figured it had something to do with the argument they'd had a while back, but he didn't think that was it. Had Merlin been serious about wanting to get sacked? And if he was, why didn't he just quit? Where else would he go? Would he go with that sorcerer in the woods? When he'd followed Merlin a few nights prior, he'd only been running around the city, on a path that Arthur didn't even realize existed until he found himself back in the Castle courtyard. Had he interrupted their secret meeting? Maybe a few days in the stocks would straighten Merlin out and get him some answers. He thought of it, but winced at the thought. He hadn't exactly been forthcoming either. Ever since that morning Merlin woke him up and he didn't have the heart to play dead, he'd been nothing but cold to the man. Avoiding him, being formal, terse, to the point that none of the warmth and familiarity remained between them kept him up at night more than ever. He was feeling weak, tired, and exhausted, snapping at everyone in his exhaustion and emotional distance from Merlin. It seemed that the farther the other was away from him, the more the real Arthur retreated to the safe little cave at the back of his mind, behind everything else.

_Don't think about it Arthur... don't think about it..._

They were journeying through the forest on a small hunting trip and a visit to a small town for a sort of patrol when it happened. Merlin was on a horse way behind him, much farther than he usually rode. It was only a small echelon of Knights: Percival, Gwaine, Lancelot, and himself plus Merlin. He didn't see the need to bring anyone else as he needed fresh air to breath and be free in even if Merlin's presence was oddly oppressive. He'd hoped to work out a moment in which they could talk civilly, not formally and at least rekindle some of the closeness. He was feeling colder than normal recently. There was a rustle that he missed hearing, but Gwaine didn't. Merlin stopped his steed for a moment looking around. Every part of him was on alert he felt it, but he didn't know what it was. A presence, creeping across the ground, gently, quietly... more than 20 at least 30 men. But they weren't true professionals, no they were probably hired thugs, or people that didn't really care about being completely silent.

Gwaine slid his hand to his sword as the curtains came down around them, thick ropes and bodies flying from the trees at them, pulling Knights off their horses. Merlin dismounted avoiding the attacker to his left, dodging around and cutting through the fray to get to Arthur. He knew the other could handle his own, but that didn't mean anything in the moment. Arthur somehow always managed to get himself into trouble. Percival was hammering down bandits before tossing him one of their swords through the air for him to fend for himself. When the curtain came down, they'd leapt for Arthur first. He yanked on the reins and whirled around with his sword effectively giving himself space to dismount safely rather than get pulled off his stead. They weren't very skilled, but there were a lot of them, enough that his Knights were struggling and Merlin found himself with a sword.

_When did Merlin learn how to use a sword?_

He could have sworn that the bumbling idiot had sworn off sword fighting for as long as he lived, or at least didn't have very much of a knack for it that wasn't luck or random moments of adrenaline (which is what he decided that bout during training to be). But there he was... slicing through enemies and making his way towards the knights with a grace that Arthur had never noticed. It was as if he knew the forest, where every root, branches, and rock lay and danced through the geometry of the space, leading his enemy into small traps that would seal their doom. He'd have to remember to ask about that after they dealt with this mess. The three he was fending off pushed, and pushed him away from the group, over the range of the trees into a patch of more. He knew this was more than just an attempt at robbing, but an attempt on his life.

_Stronger men have tried_, he thought slicing through the resistance and getting himself into a better position.

In the meantime, Merlin had sprinted past Gwaine, dispatching the man that was on his way to slitting the man's throat before continuing on.

"Thanks, Merlin!" Gwaine called elbowing the other man off and continuing the fight before finding Percival to fight behind.

Once he was out of range of sight, Merlin turned looking back on the frey and sent a pulse to lessen and slow the other warriors to give the Knights enough time to work through the ones at hand. It was as much as he could give them for now as he charged towards where he'd seen Arthur being lead off to. They had him backed up against a tree, weaponless and fist fighting the bandits.

"Arthur!" He called, forcing his way through the small group and over the bodies strewn over the ground.

The world slowed for a moment as three charged in on Arthur at the same time. Merlin felt it before he saw it, screaming , NO! his magic flared, but it was a bit too much too late as the bandits slipped backwards and revealed Arthur staring dazed with a sword in his side. The fallen three recovered a little faster than Merlin moved. He fell and Merlin could feel his heartache as he grabbed for the blade nearest him and swung up and through one of the men that had attacked Arthur before scrambling over to stop the final plunge and push the man back. He reached Arthur in time to shove the other off him and stand over his King, protecting him until the last man fell at the edge of the blade in his hands. He shoved Excalibur in its sheath and kneeled beside Arthur with a grimace as the older man began to tremble with the hot and heady fever of fear, wheezing he sounded like he'd punctured a lung. His eyes were blurry and unfocused, his breathing harsh and forceful as if struggling against some force dragging him away from those blue eyes that looked down at him.

"The… Knights…" he whispered. "Where?"

"Don't speak, Arthur… you'll be alright."Merlin was tearing at his clothing, pulling apart chain mail and padding to see the wound gushing blood, already soaking through his clothing and cursed. It was long and jagged, too long and jagged for a simple binding to be enough. He was losing blood quickly.

Too quickly.

Merlin cursed under his breath...

"Merlin… you-" he let out a chuckle/cough, "You actually… know how to use a sword...you didn't trip... at all..."

"Surprisingly, now be quiet."

"Don't talk to me that way…" Arthur chided, "Dying or not, I'm still your King."

Merlin snorted, wrapping the strip of cloth around Arthur and pulling tight until the other grunted in agony. But the pain was nothing, he wouldn't admit it, he wouldn't say that he was scared, trembling in his skin and every part of him was screaming out NO!. He coudn't die. What about Camelot? What would happen without a King? With Morgana still on the loose? What about... He couldn't-

A bandit's yell broke his concentration the man charge on them, sword raised and found that a focused and pissed off Merlin was not one to be trifled with. Excalibur was in his hands and buried in the man's chest, straight through blood, bone, and heart, his magic flared to give him extra strength and he swore a cloud rolled above him. He kicked the man off and continued, glad that Arthur was still a little too delirious to comprehend what just occurred. He'd have to answer far too many questions if he'd realized. Merlin would have to answer his own questions later, for right now he had to save Arthur...

_Arthur saves Merlin: 20; Merlin saves Arthur: Over 9000..._

"Such a drama Queen."

Arthur huffed, breathing hard as Merlin struggled to undo his armor as quickly as possible to get him breathing room. He was bare-chested fairly quickly and Merlin had a better look at the wound as he dabbed at its sides, pressing the cloth against it and tying it down. His eyes glanced around, his ears open for any other bandits around.

"Don't die," Merlin said.

"I don't take orders from you."

But the words were lost on him as he lifted Arthur up and began to drag him across the forest floor, over tree roots and debris, over other men's bodies towards the sounds of the river. He needed water, and light, there wasn't enough of either of those where Arthur had fallen. Meanwhile, Arthur was struggling to keep awake as he felt blood sliding out of him. Death was a funny feeling. The pain was fading out into a numbness that he didn't really understand. He felt his abs flutter with nervousness, as mercury like blood slithered underneath his skin, ice cold and scorching his face and eyes in a heady warmth that made him feel sleepy.

"This isn't the time for sleeping, Arthur!"

_Emrys…_someone whispered.

Not someone, _something_. He followed it, the sound of the river getting louder and he realized that he was on the other side of a tributary. Which one he didn't know, but the banks pulsed with some energy and tugged at every fiber of him. They were close to the Triple Goddess' divining pool. Merlin could feel it rippling through him an it lulled his magic into a happy and calm whirlwind.

"Merlin… leave me… they'll come back…"

"Shut up," he said dragging him towards the lake and laying him down beside it. He started up a fire close enough to keep Arthur warm as he scoured the banks for foliage to toss into the fire.

The river shifted with his movement, practically leaping into his waterskin as he collected a few familiar herbs and rushed back to Arthur, still breathing, trembling and floundering in his fear with a grim look on his face. Everything was getting blurry, too far away he didn't like it. The cloth that Merlin had placed over the wound was already drenched with blood, it wasn't enough. He was dying, he knew that much.

_How ironic…_he never thought that he'd be dying in the moment that he learned that Merlin could actually handle his own in the heat of battle.

"Merlin," he said as the other came back, undoing the binding and opening his satchel, turning the needle there over in the flame and wrapping his dominant hand in wet cloth before finding thread and tearing up the plant in his hand. What was Merlin doing with a needle and thread anyway? A hunting trip was no time to be mending...

You're such a girl, Arthur thought looking at Merlin ina haze of silence and a ebbing pain.

Maybe that's why no part of him questioned the slowly budding warmth and terror that came when Merlin almost died or even now... Merlin was practically a girl, so wanting him wasn't a problem, right? He almost snorted at the weak logic as Arthur replayed a fantasy of being tied up in silk ties and pounded into the mattress without any mercy by someone who was practically a girl...

_What would that make me...?_

"I'm here, now shut up and let me save your life again."

He snorted, at least he hoped it was a snort and not a reverse and deformed wheeze, "You're no physician Merlin."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," he said, shifting Arthur's torso to lay flat on the ground and reaching for a rock to grind the plant into a thick leafy paste.

"Merlin… get back to the Knights… come back for me later…"

"Shut up."

"That was an order."

"And I'm ordering you to shut up," he said not halting his movements but rather opening the wound enough to stuff it with the thick leafy paste. "I may not be a physician, but right now I am _your_ physician. What I say goes. Now, shut up."

Arthur let out a holler of pain, eyes open with the return of feeling, he'd almost forgotten that he was alive and dying rather than going to sleep. Fuck that burned!

"What are you doing?!"

"Saving your life," he said, placing a firm hand on Arthur's torso as the plant burned and cauterized the wound. "Don't pass out."

Merlin continued to stuff the wound as Arthur's eyes gleamed with tears and Merlin started on the first stitch. It burned, not that he'd never had stitches before, but there was something in the plant that made it worse. He didn't have the energy to squirm only to muffle noises of pain and try not scream. He was so dizzy, it hurt so much like millions of flames under his skin. He looked at Merlin's face, intent on his work, focused carefully, his hands were warm, slightly slick with blood, and realized then that he was actually dying and for all his bravado, there wasn't much Merlin could do. He'd lost too much blood, way too much blood and was still losing blood.

"Merlin… don't leave me alone…" He said finally, given up on all facades. "Please… "

Their eyes met in understanding and Merlin stroked a hand through his hair to comfort him before continuing on with his sewing until it was closed. The hand was warm, dirtying Arthur's golden strands in crimson, but it was comforting and if Arthur could move, he would have turned his face into that palm, kissed it and kept watching him until he could see nothing. But that was a false hope so Arthur had took to squeezing his wrist tightly and as his breathing slowed and his eyes closed Merlin took the time to place his hand over the wound whisper words of healing. Eyes flashed gold and the plant hissed and shifted color through the stitches forming new flesh and sealing it closed without so much as a scar. Merlin breathed easy as a bit of color returned to Arthur's face and he murmured a little in his sleep, his grip relaxed and his body eased, still shivering but recognizing that he was alive and the hole in his side was closed.

He took the time to remove the stitches and bundle the King in his cloak before stoking the fire a little more. He had a feeling that the other would wake up mid-day the next day and be ravenous, that didn't mean that Merlin couldn't enjoy the moment. He looked around and found himself more at peace, more at home, than he had been in a long time. Even that grotto he'd created in his sleep had been little more than a moment's repose. This place was different. It felt like the cave they'd gone into to save Mordred's life. He shivered in remembrance that day had been the worse day of his life… and needlessly so painful.

_There can be no place for magic in Camelot..._ he laughed at the irony.

What the hell was he still doing here then?

He wasn't sure that he'd ever forgive himself for saying that, or if there was even a chance at forgiveness, but he supposed since he hadn't received a rune mark, he couldn't have pissed off the Triple Goddess that badly. It was probably because of the amount of tears he'd shed that night when they came back to Camelot, he'd left the city as he knew it would not end well and found himself curled up by the lake of Avalon, deep in the forest sobbing, begging for some sign that it would be over eventually, for some sense of peace. None came, even when the moon rose and the magic in him stopped thrashing around in agony, none came. He'd managed to shuffle back inside the city walls before they closed the gates and spent the night wandering in a daze trying to figure out what he'd done. Mordred was still alive.

Merlin shivered at the memory, he didn't want to ever feel that way wasn't completely healed from the last time. Arthur shifted in his sleep a little, drawing Merlin's attention with a sigh. He really needed to talk to the Triple Goddess about this destiny that she had planned for him. This fucking sucked. He was cold most the time, running on empty because anything more would send his magic into a frenzy, buckled down beyond normality and pissed off forced to serve this…

He sighed, there was no sense in getting angry now. No sense in it at all, that wouldn't help his predicament. In fact it would only make it worse.

_Emrys…_he sighed, standing.

There it was again that voice calling to him. He headed towards the lake far enough to be out of earshot, but close enough that if Arthur woke up earlier he would know. He kneeled beside the lake and a tiny orb of light fluttered towards him, looking up at him with a curious eye. How orbs of light managed to seem curious and inquisitive, he didn't know. He chocked it up to magic and focused on the little orb floating above his palm.

_Emrys…_He smiled at the warmth and peace. He found that in encountering magical creatures, he felt at peace like he was home with his mother. Like he did when he was with his father in his last moments. It felt like family.

"Yes…"

_Pain…why?_

"It's complicated…"

The orb seemed to turn in the direction of the sleeping Arthur.

_Destiny…_

"Destiny… right now… can suck my dick."

It wiggled a little, _Funny… Love him?_

Merlin snorted, "Only in small doses…"

_Much love for you…_

He frowned at the little light's emotions as it floated into his hand and he was wracked with a gripping terror, the fear of death and the sliver of consolation, the fear and trust all mingled together in his heart, pushing his breath out of his lungs too quickly. He saw himself flickering in that dizzy haziness and the warmth that spread through him at his own touch. A blossoming passion and warmth exploded in his chest. What was that?

Arthur?

_Love you…_

He swallowed hard and turned at the sound of Arthur moving around in his sleep. The little light dove back into the depths of the lake as he crossed the space to kneel at the other's side, still shaking from that intense experience.

"Mmm…"

"Shh," he hushed as Arthur turned, reaching out in his sleep and curling towards Merlin's body.

"Mm…in…n't... eave..."

"Arthur, go to sleep."

"Merlin…"he mumbled on a whimper. "Don't…. leave…me."

Merlin felt a bit of his resentment drain out of him. Only a little though as he slid down to lay beside Arthur and made sure that the other was warm enough. He supposed he couldn't leave Arthur to his own devices. It had been the first time in a while that he'd had such a close scrape with death and really felt it. All the other times, it hadn't been nearly as bad as that ambush, which made him think of how they knew that the party would be so much smaller than normal? How did they know where they were… How did they know which blonde was Arthur?... Something hadn't sat right with him, but he tried not to think about it as he stayed awake to keep the fire going and to keep an eye out for any more dangers lurking the woods.

When it was nearly mid-day, Arthur woke up to see Merlin rekindling the fire and roasting fish over it, staring into the flames intently. The hem of his tunic was ripped all to hell and he was sure that if he looked down he knew he would see that missing strip tied around him. He was bundled up in his own cloak close enough to the fire to feel the heat and he had the distinct feeling of not being dead, but death warmed over. At a closer look, Merlin had his sword leaning against his shoulder, unsheathed and half stuck in the ground. His armor wasn't very far off, folded neatly, gleaming in the early morning light, freshly polished.

"How do you feel?" Merlin asked not looking at him.

Arthur swallowed, not really sure how to answer as he was sure that he didn't feel much of anything. At first try, he found that the impending pain he was expecting didn't exist. The cloak fell down and there wasn't even a scar where there should have been an intense wound. There was nothing but the remnants of a delicate green leaf paste around the area and a general lack of energy in his body.

"What happened?"

"We were ambushed," Merlin replied. "You got stabbed in the side."

"Are you sure about that? I don't feel…" He slumped to the side as Merlin stood coming towards him and easing him back down.

"You're still too weak to be doing much of anything, lay down."

"You…" Flashes of memory came through the early morning light. Dying, he was dying and Merlin was over him, the last thing he saw was Merlin's eyes.

_Don't leave me…Go find the Knights… Don't leave me…_He almost flushed at the memory. To give him his credit, no one wanted to die alone, but that wasn't why he'd begged Merlin to stay. He wanted Merlin to be there with him at the end and that was a thought that he didn't have time to contemplate at the moment.

"You… the stitches…"

"Had to stop the bleeding, eat."He was forcing a fish on a flat rock while propping Arthur up against the nearest tree and returning to whatever he was doing. He realized that he was picking flowers.

"What… what are you doing?" Arthur asked.

"Gathering herbs… their extremely useful… they don't grow anywhere else and are fairly rare."

To his eyes they looked like nothing more than weird daisies or something, but what did he know? He managed to eat the fish on his own as Merlin filled his satchel with the flowers and stayed silent.

"How… did you do that?" Arthur asked. "Where are we and why aren't I dead?"

Merlin sighed and looked at him, laying another gentle tower in his bag, "You really want to know?"

"No Merlin, I'm asking for my health… What happened?"

"I've watched Gaius sew up people and I've mended enough of your shirts to know how to sew…"

"Merlin," he growled. "I don't think your sewing abilities is what I'm referring to. There is no scar…."

Merlin blinked and Arthur growled.

"You let a sorcerer operate on me?" He asked.

Merlin snorted, if only Arthur knew how many times he'd been the warlock operation on him, or how many times magic had saved his and Uther's life... He'd have a fit and probably have him killed on the spot.

"Is that what you're worried about?"

"You have any idea how dangerous that was? Do you have any idea where we are?""

"Yes, we're near a tributary to the Grove of Brineved and the sacred spring at Caerlanrigh. It's also a tributary to the Cauldron of Arianrhod of the White Goddess. We're about a day's journey from Camelot, half a day from Ealdor. This particular river is the one of the most potent in terms of magic."

Arthur frowned, "How… do you know all of that?"

Merlin smiled a little, turning to look around, Arthur didn't understand it the last time, but the words came without warning once again. It was the peace he decided the utter comfort and warmth of the place that made him say it.

"The river is alive and throbbing, the trees are pulsing and everything near here is peaceful, balanced, at one with itself and connected to everything and nothing at all."

"And you… can feel all of this?"

"Yes, can't you?"

Arthur once again shook his head and Merlin looked away from him with a wince. He didn't know what he'd expected it to change, of all the time he'd been healed with magic, there was never an indication that Arthur would retain some sense of connection.

"If you're worried about a sorcerer healing you, don't worry about it. It's just this place, though why it decided to save you, I don't know…"

Arthur frowned and Merlin said nothing poking at the fire before standing and dipping his water skin into the river and giving it to Arthur.

"Stay here and don't die, I'm going to see if I can find the Knights."

Arthur scoffed as he began to leave, "Don't even bother you couldn't track a bear even if all the clues were—hey!"

But Merlin was already beyond the stretch of trees and he growled glaring at the river. Alive, he said. He didn't feel any different, but curious. What about the plants that could have done that? He'd have to ask Merlin or Gaius? How close had he been to dying? How far had he been? Had Merlin stayed with him the entire time he was sleeping? Had he been up all night? Something told him yes, he was up and he'd watched over Arthur, but those thoughts, and the feelings they caused, were broken up by the sound of horses and calls of his name.

"Princess!"

Well, not quite his name, but a lot better than who could have been calling him. Gwaine came into view with Merlin walking beside Percival until they reached the small campsite. Percival's arm was freshly bandaged. Lancelot came up behind them and continued into the clearing.

"Good to see you're alive, Princess!" Gwaine greeted. "We were sort of worried about you."

He rolled his eyes, "Were you now? What happened to the bandits?"

"Dead or running," Percival said. "What happened to you two?"

"I got… stabbed."

Lancelot tilted his head as Merlin tethered the horses and headed back to the river, further down. He could hear them talking about Arthur's recovery and Arthur fumbling through an explanation that didn't include the words "Merlin saved me" but Gwaine caught it and laughed. He didn't have to catch it as Merlin saved him on his way to saving Arthur and all the Knights as well by giving them a moment of reprieve.

"You got saved by Merlin, again! That's twice in one outing!"

_Twice?_

"How many times do you owe Merlin your life now?" Lancelot asked, cheekily.

Percival snorted, none of them was prepared to count and Arthur huffed. He was beginning to wonder the same thing as Gwaine started in on Merlin's apparent ability with a sword as he "fended off three bandits" on his own and still managed to drag Arthur away fast enough to defend the two of them.

"Shut up all of you! Where are we?"

"About a day North of Camelot, maybe half a day South of Ealdor… we'll get there pretty quickly if we travel by horseback…"

Arthur huffed, Merlin had been right. On another note, there were only three horses left, two of them would have to take the road by foot or shuffle. Percival was injured and Arthur was still in no shape to do much of anything but go back to sleep. Healed or not, whatever the plant did had taken a lot out him, he'd lost a lot of blood as well. Then someone else would have to go back with them. He wanted Merlin, but he knew that wasn't logical. He may have been able to defened himself in the heat of battle or whatever that was, but that didn't mean that he was knight.

"Well you and Percy are definitely heading back," Gwaine said. "Lance' is a stronger swordsman than I am so he'll have to go to."

"We could travel together."

Gwaine shook his head, "No sense in it. No idea who else knew where we were, the faster we get Arthur back to Camelot the easier everyone can breathe."

He wasn't comfortable with idea but then Merlin was hauling buckets towards them to drink from and for the horses. He'd never noticed that in that skinny, wiry body was so much strength. Strength enough to drag Arthur away from battle… strength enough to do all the things he'd been doing since coming to Camelot. It didn't take long for the decision to be finalized that Percival, Lancelot, and Arthur would ride ahead leaving Gwaine and Merlin to trek on gave Merlin a smile and a nod as if to say thanks before mounting up.

"I'll get them home, don't be too late..."

They waved them away from the campsite before Gwaine started in on the questioning as Merlin packs up Arthur's armor which was still too heavy for the weakened King to put back on.

"So… what exactly happened?"

"This is a tributary to a pool of the Old Religion, there's too much magic here…"

He continued to explain the tugging, the little fire, what it'd said, and how he'd healed Arthur as they trudged forward. The farther away they'd gotten away from the banks of that river, the sadder Merlin got and the stronger his magic resisted. He realized then that the place had acted as a sort of draining spot, a meddling point even without healing Arthur. He hadn't felt much of a dent in his power. He hated that he had that much power in him but no opportunity to use it.

_Destiny can suck my dick..._

"Maybe you'll get knighted this time," Gwaine said with a grin. Merlin snorted.

"Then who would take care of his Highness. No one else wants to go and wake him up."

"More like he doesn't want to be woken up by anyone else."

Merlin ignored that as they continued through the trees, not too quickly, but quick enough that dodging the arrows aimed at them didn't take much. Merlin got up, pissed off and angry and let forth a wave of energy stopping all arrows, turning them around and sinking them in the chests of those that had attempted to kill them. Gwaine sat up from the ground.

"It's nice having you around... I don't even have to work."

Merlin rolled his eyes as they continued forward. They arrived in Camelot around nightfall the next night. Gaius was in Arthur's chambers as Merlin shuffled into the chambers of the old physician and went about finding a pot to keep his magic thriving plants in. He set it by his bedside and decided that he'd start a mini farm of this particular plant by his bedside in hopes that it would at least level him out a bit. He kept one plant and a few seeds he'd pulled from a flowering one in his hand and he curled up and went to sleep. He would no doubt be attending to Arthur the next day and would need all the energy possible with his Royal Pratness probably still bed-ridden.


	4. The Darkness, Part One

**Glad people share my sentiments on short chapters. As always, love the reviewing! It makes me happy and it reminds me to post actively. Lots of action, mainly because this isn't all that important to the story overall... sort of.  
**

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True to Merlin's guess, Arthur stayed bed-ridden, giving Merlin plenty of time to do what he needed and be free early in the evening. For once, he glowered at the thought of being free a little earlier. Lancelot and Gwaine were on his case more often than not now and even though he was free from Arthur's incessant orders, he wasn't free from their worry. Let alone Gwen. He avoided her like the plague as she was almost as stubborn as Arthur when it came to knowing things. Lancelot, for his valiance and tactfulness, hedged around the question while being stubborn about getting some form of answer. He'd avoided the man almost as much as he avoided Gwen. Gwaine was a _lot _harder to avoid. Where Lancelot would eventually stop, or he could throw Gwen in his line of sight and have him be distracted, Gwaine had no such problems of single-minded love. Yes, Gwaine loved Percival, and yes the man was _huge _ distraction (big enough for Merlin to hide behind anyway), but Gwaine was a champion at multi-tasking, almost as much of a champion as Merlin was. As Merlin hid behind Percival, Gwaine told him that he'd better stop avoiding his questions or he'll be turned over a knee... while practically molesting the larger man who flushed at his lover's forwardness as always.

"I'm serious, Merlin. Percival isn't going to save you."

Merlin knew that already and promised him that eventually he would explain something and left. With Arthur bed-ridden, no one would be following him around. Lancelot and Gwaine, while pushy, had their own duties to attend to and were often far too tired to do anything else but curl up beside the ones they loved. It seemed that only Arthur had the energy to follow him around on his nightly escapades. He headed out of the immediate area of Camelot through the Darkling woods and called on Kilgarrah. The sound of his wings on the wind made Merlin sigh as he landed. Merlin sat down and Kilgarrah lay against the ground. For a moment, they said nothing and just enjoyed being in each other's presence.

It had been awhile since Merlin had called on the old dragon, it wasn't as if he'd had time to really consult the dragon for companionship with Arthur always in danger. It hadn't been feasible. A deep sense of whimsy set in him as the daydream of sitting in Camelot's courtyard with Kilgarrah, talking about nothing related to Camelot or much of anything, just delighting in not being a long for a little while. The whimsy became bittersweet almost immediately... that day seemed so far away that it may never happen most days, and nothing but a fantasy any other time.

"It is not everyday you call me sitting down, young warlock... There most be something very wrong in Camelot..."

"No," Merlin replied. "There isn't. No magic, no normal attacks even on Camelot. Sure Arthur almost got killed in the forest, but the attack was by a group of bandits... that's also... not why I've called you..."

Kilgarrah waited looking down Merlin. There was something off about the man. He was sure he could figure out what, and his sympathy went to the young lad. He saw the turn of Merlin's future in a myriad of paths, many of them wonderful, but no more wonderful than the fantastic darkness he felt looming. While he had faith that Merlin, in all his innocence, was firmly on the path of the light... he did worry about what he could not feel. Their soul's relationship was practically a one way street now that Merlin had a better hold on himself and his powers. While he could feel Merlin's presence, he was not privy to the mechanics of his heart. That was more troubling than the look on the man's face. He knew more than most that the troubles of the heart and soul could lead to darker paths than intended faster than anyone could ever hope to guess or react to. If Merlin turned to darkness, the light of Albion would be wiped out forever and he had every understanding that though magic would return to the land and he would be free, Arthur would not be so lucky.

"You're a creature of magic... I wanted to ask Gaius, but I don't think he'd understand..."

"What is troubling you?"

"It's my magic... I... I think there's something wrong with it. I think I'm sick."

Kilgarrah snorted, "Young warlock, what you speak of is not a sickness, but an internalization of your power. You do not have the ability to become,as you say, _sick._"

Merlin huffed, he supposed he should be grateful that he will never completely lose his powers ever...

"What does that mean?"

"You've locked your powers up and now they are rebelling. It is as simple as that."

Merlin winced, it was always a bad sign when Kilgarrah gave him a straight answer.

"Rebelling?"

"I am a creature of magic, Merlin, yet I have never suppressed it as you have. As in my blood, magic flows through you, composes you, and with that comes a need for balance. A call for restoration and usage, of _being..._There is a darkness that is building up in you. It has been since you were a boy in Ealdor and now that you are in Camelot where you cannot use your gifts on threat of death, it is welling up and causing what you call _sickness_."

"But it was never this bad before! I didn't use my powers much in Ealdor, and it wasn't this bad! What does it want me to do about it? Enchant the King?"

"You are older now Merlin and as you grow so does your awareness of your magic. Being in Camelot with all the threats on Arthur's life and the kingdom was well timed with the accelerated growth that you could channel and practice... Now you are in a time of threatening peace... I have no doubt that the reason behind it is sinister and the consequences possibly more so."

Merlin swallowed, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that it is too much of a coincidence that there has been no attack on Camelot, magical or not, as young Arthur continues to rise in power and influence among the people... Knowing that the witch Morgana knows her greatest enemy resides in Camelot."

Merlin's insides squirmed. Morgana was laying a trap for him? But how could she have known that this would happen? Does she know?

"How would Morgana know that?"

"She wouldn't, but there are those that would work for her that would... Magical beings know things that sorcerers are never privy to. The state you are in is not something that would be lost on a magical being in the realm of Camelot... even the boy Mordred would know, but none have the powers that you do, nor the experience that you have in hiding... The only exception I would think is Arthur..."

Merlin snorted, "He'd be lucky to notice anything that wasn't food,swords, or girls."

"I would not be so certain of that young warlock..."

Merlin frowned and conceded that point. Sure, Arthur had more blonde moments than King moments, and he really was a dollop-head, but he wasn't a complete idiot. He had a sense of knowing that Merlin was sure came from his magical origin, but he didn't bother to think about it. He didn't have the time to-another wave of disorientation hit him and he swooned slightly. His eyes fluttered and he wrenched his eyes shut to blot out the echoing of something that wasn't his own past in his ears. It wasn't anything near, the night was quiet, this was something beyond, engrained and bleeding up from the earth and into his mind. His magic was reviving something that he didn't think needed to be remember.

_I beg you! I beg you! He'd just a child-_ _You will suffer your death by the thing you do not understand, Uther Pendragon! May the Goddess have mercy on you, because_ **she**_ will not-_

"How do I stop it?" Merlin asked, breathing slowly.

"You can't," he replied, slowly as Merlin, winced and looked up at him. "Your magic will circle you the longer you hold it in, the more painful it will become, the more fierce it will fight to get out... It will continue in that way until you can let it run freely."

"And there is nothing I can do?" Merlin asked, his voice trembling.

"You must understand that your powers are a part of you, a part of yourself connected to Camelot, there is much about your magic that even I do not know, but I can see that is not a burden bore lightly."

"I've noticed," Merlin said, curling into himself, hands to his temples and breathing slowly.

Kilgarrah watched in interest as Merlin leaned forward, his head between his legs, and his eyes shut. The breathing was low and shuddering and there was an edged whimper there.

"What is truly the matter, young warlock? There is more to your pain than what you are saying isn't there?"

"I..." Merlin drifted off. "It's dark... I feel... It's... I can't shake the feeling."

"The feeling?"

"There's a part of me that wants to watch Camelot crumble at my feet, a part of me that wants to murder Arthur in cold blood, but I... I don't let it. I keep thinking it's just my magic, but then I find myself fiddling with knives. Or blacking out and disarming the King! I see Uther and all those people in my sleep, I see Igraine and blood, so much _blood _on my hands, on his hands... I hear Agravaine saying how I'm no different than him in my deception of Arthur... I keep telling myself that it isn't true, but the blood... _so much blood _because I didn't save them when I could, because I had to kill to keep my secret, to keep Arthur safe... I've never hated destiny and fate as much as I have in these last few weeks. Kilgarrah... I don't know what to do..."

Kilgarrah sighed, seeing the pained look in his eyes. Merlin seemed to glow in his eyes radiating disjointed energy and some of it seeped out into the earth and the wind around them, keeping the young warlock warm, no doubt. But the majority of it was thrashing around unseen inside him, ricocheting through psychic space and world that even Kilgarrah had no experience accessing. At the proximity, Kilgarrah could feel his turmoil, though not determine the cause. The problems that Merlin would face would be his own.

"Merlin... not even you know the depths of your power... and though I am a being of magic, I could not fathom it. I can only tell you that you must not let the darkness consume you... You_ cannot_ let it consume you or Albion will be lost and Arthur will die... or worse"

Merlin shook his head, he didn't think that the darkness would have time to consume him if he carried on this way. He could feel his magic getting stronger by the day threatening to breakout of his trembling control at a moment's notice.

"What about Morgana? Surely she would be able to-"

"Though Morgana is the dark to your light, and she wields the power of the high priestess... even she would be no match... no... The only one that could truly stop you... would be the Tripple Goddess by ending your life."

He looked up at Kilgarrah, teary eyed and weary.

"I can't contain all of this..." Merlin said feeling it pushing at the back of his eyes, humming in his throat and squeezing into his cranial cavity, pushing against nerves and making his arms tremble. The pain and the blood... the pain and the blood... so much pain, so much-too much... he couldn't!

_I can't! I can't anymore!_

"You must Merlin," Kilgarrah said. "Until the time is right... You must hold strong."

Merlin shook his head. He'd held strong when Kilgarrah attacked Camelot, he'd held strong all those times that Arthur almost died in his arms... He'd held strong all this time, but this... He wasn't sure he could anymore. But he couldn't tell that to Kilgarrah. Even though Kilgarrah was a magical creature, he could not understand completely what Merlin was trying to understand himself. How could he articulate something that he didn't understand? How was he suppose to ask for help when he didn't know what he was fighting?

Was he fighting himself? His magic? Were the different? If they were, how so? If not, then why couldn't he except that- He knew the answer to that. Because he couldn't... he couldn't take his own words to mean that he had no place in Camelot as well. He couldn't because that would crush him and send him back to Ealdor in a mess of emotion. Or worse, destroying Camelot in a fit of rage and watching people die with no remorse.

_Do it, _it was such a wonderful fantasy. He would be merciful and kill all but Arthur quickly. He would let Gwaine and Percival, Lancelot and Gwen, and Gaius escape... but Arthur... he wasn't sure. His magic saw Igraine in Arthur's eyes, but when he spoke he saw Uther. He didn't know which he would be looking into Merlin's eyes glowing gold and wreaking chaos. He honestly didn't know if he would let it run amuck and kill anyone but himself.

But he couldn't voice all that confusion to the dragon, so Merlin shuffled his way back to Camelot, shutting off the faucet of magic as he entered the citadel and slipping past the guards without detection to head to Gaius' chambers. The man left a plate out for him, but the thought of eating made his head spin. He walked past it and rummaged through his satchel for a handful of seeds and sprouts from the lakeside. With it came the memory of the tiny orb of light that spoke to him in thoughts and kindness. His soul felt soothed and reassured. He should probably look the creature up, or ask about it when he called Kilgarrah again. He wondered how he would feel if he actually took a holiday and traveled the country side freely, avoiding any kind of loyalty, any kind of kingdom. He could go home and spend time with his mother, he could feel the world and let his magic flow out of him at will and just be. He wouldn't have to see Igraine and Uther jumbled up together with no lines between them in Arthur and want to kill and cradle, destroy and love all at once. A little holiday wouldn't hurt would it?

He shook his head, he had a duty to the rest of the magical world and all those people that died in the Great Purge, the people torn from their homes, the families decimated... He had a duty to all the people he saw in his nightmares that he didn't know, and all the ones that he did know. His suffering was nothing compared to theirs and what it would continue to be if he didn't follow through with his destiny. When Albion was restored, he'd take his holiday somewhere faraway from Arthur and reevaluate his connection to Camelot. He went to sleep planning his soul-searching trek across Albion and the dream of better days to come.

For once, he didn't dream. When he woke up, the plants were more than just seeds and sprouts in his hands, but sprouting flowers from his fists. He felt strangely better, level almost and put them aside in the pot with the others, before letting the roots curl around his fingers gently and leech energy from him. He enchanted the water they sat in and got up ready to start the day. Maybe today would be a good day...

_Arthur went where?..._

"Yeah, he left at dawn for some meeting near Nemeth. Said he'd be back in a few days time."

Merlin winced he didn't like the sound of that at all. He hadn't been woken up to go along, so maybe they weren't completely back to normal yet. There was no telling what could happen with Merlin in Camelot and Arthur out and about. If the day couldn't get worse, the sky darkened and he felt something in him flailing on alert. Something was going on. Something about the guards, the city a creeping feeling, even Gaius acted strangely. There was a stiffness and a suspicion in his eyes turned on Merlin.

"What's... going on?" Merlin asked.

"I... I don't know Merlin...I feel strange..." Snapping out of his staring to return to being the Gaius that he knew and loved.

Merlin frowned and closed the door, locking it before sitting Gaius down and taking a deep breath, opening his eyes to seet he shimmering waves around him that melted around him and were slowly seeping into Gaius.

"Hold still," he said lifting a hand and casting a barrier around him. Gaius shivered a little and blinked. The haze was gone but still shooting through the room. Oddly, it avoided him. It avoided anything that did not live, but he had a feeling that it wasn't good.

"What's going on Merlin?"

"I don't know, Gaius... there's some kind of spell in the air..."

"A spell for what?"

Merlin shook his head, "I don't know..."

It was a long day ahead. Gaius sent him out to make a few deliveries and everyone seemed to be intensely aware of him, sometimes staring, glaring, dogs barked at him... It was weird all together. Much weirder than normal. When he returned to the palace, much of the same happened. The council chambers were closed and in session. What could they possibly be discussing without Arthur there? The day continued and the odd shimmer in the air didn't dissipate. The small minority users in Camelot seemed to be unaffected and were a little panicked at what this was supposed to mean. He had no

* * *

Arthur arrived in Nemeth with little trouble and a deep regret for the decision to leave Merlin behind. Things were still strange between them, and he wasn't sure how the other felt about accompanying him.

_The drunken lout should be grateful that I'm giving him a break-_again he winced at the words that didn't feel like his, but could only be his own. He sounded too much like his father for comfort.

The Princess Mithian was as beautiful as he remembered and as kind. He didn't anticipate staying long until Mithian asked the question he hoped she wouldn't.

"Has Merlin left your service?"

His insides turned at the thought, "No, I've just allowed him a bit of rest. He hasn't been feeling well..."

Mithian rose an eyebrow but didn't comment. Merlin had been on the brink of death, or worse and had still come to save Arthur and Arthur had never seemed to give any consideration to Merlin's well-being before... She had a feeling that there was more to Merlin's illness than Arthur was revealing, but she didn't push. The only thing she could really do was try and get things underway as quickly as possible so that Arthur could go back and fix whatever he'd done... Or at least hope that Merlin had found better employment that recognized him for all the work he did.

It was her father, Rodor, who'd asked a more prying question, gaping at Merlin's absence. The boy was famed as the constant companion of Arthur.

"Why Arthur, have you fired him?" Rodor asked confused. Arthur winced and shook his head, giving the same answer that he'd given Mithian and hoping that Rodor would just get on with business.

He did luckily and the questions stopped there. He didn't think that it would last long. He was right, but he feigned that it didn't matter. No one but Mithian seemed to really think it odd, but she didn't push either and for that he was grateful. He was meant to be going home in three days, but he'd rather return to Camelot faster than that and pushed the date up.

* * *

Morgana entered Camelot around nightfall that same day, walking past the guards, through the city and straight into the palace accompanied by Agravaine. To be honest, she hated using men or these _things_, but what must be done must be done. The curse required her presence in the city to hold it, and a point of focus to guide it. It wasn't enough that Emrys was practically under siege and even he could not over run the power of the curse, nor do anything to save Merlin's life.

They marched in to the council, spoke briefly and everything was set up. Once she got rid of Merlin, then Arthur would be easy. He was practically helpless without the young man, and his emotional dependence on the other's life made him the perfect target. Emrys was ready to pop and in the circumstances, there was little change that he would risk being found out for the servant boy. The emotional weight of that however, the blood already dripping on his fingers was no doubt going to break him. He would either be forced with the blood of another man on his hands and his power would reveal itself and Merlin would die, or Merlin would be saved and she would have her chance to kill Emrys. Merlin would die either by noose or magic. Which, at this point, didn't matter to her.

"He dies midday."

* * *

They came for him in the night. Barging in through Gaius' chambers, rushing up the small set of steps to his quarters away from the main floor, the found him curled on his side staring into darkness. He jumped at their entrance, asking what the problem was, but they paid no heed. Only reaching out and dragging him from bed, punching him in the face to silence him in flurry of a Pendragon red and chainmail silver. He didn't recognize these knights as they weren't the core knights that he usually spent his time with. Gaius could be heard demanding answers, but all Merlin could hear through his adrenaline haze, the pain in his face, and the pain from keeping his magic from healing him was "Sorcerer", "treachery", "sentenced" and "trial".

He felt his heart fall through stone and into a deep dark pit as he was dragged to the throne room where Agravaine sat in Arthur's throne ready to pass judgement. A shadow just beyond his eyesight, but he didn't need to see who it was to know what was going on and swallowed hanging his head.

"Morgana…" the words fell from his lips as the guards threw him onto his face. The unnecessary violence made him think that the enchantment did more than make people suspicious... they made them suspicious and hateful towards him.

Agravaine was such a weasley man, he really didn't like him at all and since Agravaine apparently survived his last brush in with Merlin, he didn't have to ask what he was being charged with. But there was something different about Agravaine that he couldn't put his finger on, it was darker, there was something about the look in his eyes that made him think that it wasn't Agravaine at all but some shadow of a ghost. Because Morgana would have had his head chopped off immediately if she'd truly known who he was. Knowing Agravaine, he would have told her immediately if he was truly alive and he would have had an even larger problem.

_A Shade... _which meant that this was a vague charge based on the sentiments of the people, not a charge against him. There was a bittersweet relief to that realization that Merlin didn't have time to think about.

"As the uncle to the King, and his magistrate in his absence, I hereby find you guilty of using sorcery within Camelot and sentence you to death by hanging…. Have you any last words?"

Merlin sneered, feeling heady with it all and too disoriented to do much. The words weren't necessary, he didn't have anything to say as the Knight drug him away towards the dungeons. The words he'd fought so hard never to hear again were ringing in his ears through the haze and the phantom screaming.

_Sorcerer…Evil_…

_Traitor…_

He found himself hours later as the sun rose into the sky staring out into darkness, staring out into the cold damp wall of the cell and breathing deeply, in his pain. The wounds weren't healed, he didn't need to better their argument against him. He would sustain enough from the crowd. He didn't need to do anything but lie there and accept his fate.

_You could blow the door off and run..._

And go where?

_Away from here!_

I couldn't leave Gaius like that...

His magic grumbled, roiling around in him at his suppression, but he remained firm. He had no real idea of what the next day would bring, but he also didn't really care. If he was to die, there was no point in making it a difficult transition into the after life.

"King Arthur!" Arthur turned to see the messenger gasping for breath as he ran towards them.

"What is it William?"He gasped for breath collapsing to his knees, there was no telling how fast or how far he'd run to find them, but he had a distinct feeling that he'd ran. He was the fastest foot messenger in Camelot, and even faster on a horse.

"What's happened? Calm yourself."

"A message… from Gaius… It's Merlin—he's… he's been accused of sorcery and has been sentenced to death by Agravaine…"

Arthur frowned, "How… is that possible? Agravaine is dead."

"With Morgana," he breathed falling forward. "He's sentenced to die at noon… there's an ambush coming here to kill you… Please your Majesty, you must go!"

He cursed, mounting his horse, pulling off his armor, shucking his chainmail and trading his rich cloak for a more simple one. He left the items with William and left him money to rest and find somewhere else to spend the night.

"I thank you William, rest," and then he was off, pressing his horse into the fastest ride of his life. It was nearly dawn now, sorcerer executions usually happened before noon, he didn't have much time. He could only hope that it was enough to save Merlin.

That idiot… what has he gotten himself into? Why sorcery? Why is it always sorcery?!

He didn't want to think about which part of him was asking that question, he didn't want to think about why he was asking that question at all, he only knew that every part of him was screaming FASTER! And hoping his horse understood it. They broke into the outer city as noon began and he could hear the tolling of the death bell.

_Please let it not be too late…_

* * *

Merlin woke up, eyes blinking through pain as the masses jeered, yelled, the guards drug him from his chambers and blood slid over the curves of his face. His head hurt, he was too tired and all he could see was Agravaine at the other side with Morgana by his side in disguise. He didn't need magic to see through it… then again, she didn't really need a disguise to walk into Camelot with the spell she'd cast. No one was in their right mind, so just an enchantment here and cloak there, she could slip through the town as the least of everyone's problems. She was royal, no matter what she'd done and would be the next in line for the throne if Arthur died. But that wasn't her main concern… it was to kill him. Whether she knew if he was Emrys or not, or rather knew that he meant a great deal to Arthur, or the simple idea that he had thwarted her plans ever single time, was enough to get the people to believe Agravaine under the idea that Arthur was under a spell, everything that he'd done had been under a sorcerer's control. Agravaine at the very least would get rid of him and Morgana would unknowingly be rid of her bane. But Agravaine was definitely dead, wasn't he? He had to be, there was no way that man was still alive...

Morgana looked so pleased with herself. She probably would have enjoyed killing him herself except this was much more fitting. A public execution, a blood sacrifice to seal the curse on Camelot and be prepared for Arthur's return.

They pulled him up to the gallows, shoving him down and tying the noose tight. He could feel the roughness cutting into his skin and beyond the splatters of blood coming from his mouth he could see Gaius begging the guards to reconsider, but they did not hear. None of the Knights that would have vouched for him were there, too far by now for sure to make a difference. Merlin had a feeling that even if they were there, even they would not do much against the enchantment. He smiled wryly, destiny and fate sucked… How was it that he got the short end of the stick here? How was it that he always got the short end of the stick? Never living a normal life, always hiding, worrying, waking up in terror and pain... How was it that for the.. he didn't know how many times he was staring death in the face caught between the fire and an even hotter fire? How is it that he ended up here?

That damned dragon, he growled under his breath as Agravaine began to speak and he was positioned over the trapdoor that would fall from beneath him and let him break his neck or strangle to death.

Let's hope I just break my neck and get it over with. Somehow he knew he would end up strangling to death rather. Not only did he probably not weigh enough, but it would be just his luck in either case.

"And this is the day that we end the control of fair King Arthur…" Agravaine said and announced it okay for him to die.

Arthur arrived in the city, rushing through the paved streets to hear the sound of the crowd, the fall of a trap door and the choking sounds of a dying felt the noose tighten, his body swing and tears burned as his throat was squeezed, less by the noose and more by the pair of glowing orbs at Agravaine's side. They would make sure he was dead. Tighter, tighter…He couldn't breathe. He couldn't clenched in their binding , his legs kicked thrashing in hopes of loosening, in panic, and terror. The darkness was coming, rushing and creeping up on him. He was going to die… He was going to die… But he was Emrys, he was _Merlin_. He didn't deserve this! He never asked for any of this! He never asked for the magic, this burden, he didn't ask for any of the things he'd had to do, he didn't want to. He didn't ask for the nightmares and the blood, the pain and suffering... the blood and so much more blood coating his hands, dripping, bathing him in scarlet guilt and memories. He'd wanted a simple life, but no, his powers were too great. He wanted to leave Camelot, but Arthur, the clotpole, needed him to be protect him. Fate needed him there. It killed Freya to keep him there, it let things go awry to keep him there...Maybe…

Maybe this time he shouldn't struggle… Maybe it was best that he let go this time…The Dragon had told him once that destiny was not set in stone (he'd also said not to let the darkness overcome him)… maybe the united Albion was one of those paths that was nothing more than a shimmer in the pond of fate rather than a real reflection… Maybe this wasn't the darkness he meant... He always thought of death as light anyway… maybe if Merlin wanted to die, he would actually get what he asked for…. That sounded nice, it sounded peaceful like sleeping in the woods alone and letting his body manage its own power properly... It sounded like sleeping forever among light and the universe...So his body relaxed by degrees, his eyes turned up, the pain faded away and everything vanished into a distance blinding like the sun. Just a little more and it wouldn't hurt anymore... Couldn't he choke to death any faster?

_Merlin…_

Someone in the crowd turned as he flicked his sword towards the rope. The rope tore and Merlin's body fell motionless to the scaffold as Arthur leapt from his rushing horse onto the platform to retrieve his sword and get to Merlin, loosening the noose and leaving him in Gaius's care before rushing towards Morgana.

"MORGANA!" He shouted, rushing towards them.

She only laughed at his foolishness as his guards moved to cut him off and Agravaine began to speak.

"Dear Arthur, I am only trying to free you from this traitorous sorcerer's powers."

"Agravaine… is dead." Arthur said in a low voice, raising his sword. "Who are you and what have you done to my men?"

"Simple dear Arthur…I'm controlling them… them and this pathetic and bigoted crowd. It's very easy to control weak, ignorant minds..."

"Why Merlin...?"

"I didn't realize your serving boy meant so much to you, dear brother. He'd been a pain in my side and the poisoner of my dreams... he deserves to die."

Gaius rushed to Merlin through the crowd, pressing on his chest, checking vitals and praying that he was still alive, there was still a weak pulse, but it was strong enough to let Gaius know he was still alive. A storm collected overhead, wind blew and Morgana and Agravaine vanished in a storm of laughter. Arthur didn't understand why he knew that they would be back, but once they were gone his men blinked and looked at him in confusion, looking around at the crowd.

"What… what happened?"

"Get Merlin to Gaius's chambers… now!"They rushed to do as commanded, lifting he broken boy off the floor and carrying him towards Gaius' chamber with Arthur following soon afterwards, sheathing his sword and biting his lip. Morgana had done something more than just control his people, she'd hurt Merlin for a purpose? What was it? What purpose could it have possibly been? Did it matter? Of course it did, it had something to do with her attempt to take over Camelot. It couldn't have been that he cared for Merlin, that wouldn't have been enough to do it the way she an hour of thinking and pacing back and forth outside of Gaius' chambers, the door opened with the old man looking more weary and frightened than he ever remembered.

"He's… he's…"

Arthur swallowed, waiting for the worst.

"He's… he's very weak… It's a miracle that he's even still alive… I cannot say if… if he will make it the night…"

"How weak? Is there nothing to be done, Gaius?"He shook his head, more than the hanging there was something else going inside of Merlin's body, some war for power that was draining his life away.

Arthur spent the night by Merlin's side, gripping a cold clammy hand in his, stoking the fire, adjusting blankets to keep the other warm. He didn't like it. Merlin had always been so warm, how warm Arthur wasn't entirely sure, but he was always bordering on feverish, but not sick. All that warmth was gone now and Arthur prayed that it would return. By morning, very little had changed. His breathing was still deathly soft, but at least he was breathing.

Come on Merlin, you can't die alright?

The other didn't seem to hear him as he sighed in the dead of night, Gaius fast asleep. He leaned down, stroking a hand through dark hair and laying a gentle kiss on his forehead and pulled the blankets over him before leaving to attend to some other matters. He wanted to be there if he woke up... while at the same time he didn't think he could handle it if he was there if he didn't. He found no rest that night and instead went over the reports about the kingdom and pondered how Morgana and Agravaine got in the city...

The damage was done, Morgana knew that laughing as the Shade of Agravaine sat motionless not too far away. Emotional turmoil, a witch hanging, it really didn't take much for that perfect image of Camelot to come crashing down now did it? It would almost be time and then Emrys would have to show himself... It wasn't as if Emrys could protect Arthur from himself...The time was almost upon them...She smirked a little sitting in the old chair in the lower town before going to the window to look up at the great stone tower of Camelot.

"Let's get going," she said standing. "It's almost time."

Arthur managed to get through the paperwork on his desk in the dark of the night, but couldn't sleep. It usually made him sleepy but for some reason the usually lulling effects of boredom weren't working. He was a little cold eventhough the fire was still blazing and filling the room with a heat that did not touch him. He went to go check on Merlin only to find that nothing had changed, if anything he was only getting paler... Arthur didn't think that was possible.

"How is he Gaius?"Gaius shook his head, "He seems to be getting worse."

Arthur huffed, "Trust you to be stubborn about your own death..."Gaius winced at those words as Arthur glared down at him.

"You'd better wake up Merlin, that's an order!"

Merlin didn't move and he huffed marching out of the room to go train with the Knights. Gaius moved to Merlin side to check his temperature and treat the bruises around his neck. His eyes flashed open, glowing and shifting between gold and blue."Merlin-dear heavens..."

"Mor... gan...a...com...ing...sa...ve... Arthur...room... room..."

All the strength required for that moment seemed to be used up and he fell back unconscious, breathing heavily. The wounds around his neck seemed to throb with something else and Gaius realized that Morgana had enchanted his wounds, probably attempting to lengthen his suffering and ensure his death.

"Come on, Merlin... fight it!" Gaius said but there was no reply. Merlin did not move for the next three days no matter what was said, Arthur's threats, Gaius's pleading, Gwen's tears... nothing changed.

In the meantime, Morgana was marching towards Camelot with a full magical army, ready to finish what she'd started. It didn't take long to arrive, midday and begin the attack on the walls of Camelot. Spells were hurled blowing chunks of wall apart and the screams that littered the air floated up with the smell of burning flesh and blood. Arthur cursed looking out the window with Morgana flinging his soldiers left and right calling for him, marching towards the palace.

"Arthur!" She mounted his sword, struggling into his armor. He could hear the Knights fighting with the enchanted men and women and the sorcerers that controlled them.

"Get the people through the forest, immediately, we'll hold them off for as long as we can-"

"Come out and play, Arthur!"

Leon nodded, telling him not to get himself killed before moving down the corridor to carry on with his duty.

He could feel her strutting through the corridors towards his chambers, where he was now prepared to face her.

"Give me my crown, Arthur!"

This was stupid... he realized, what could he use a sword against magic for? He needed to find Gaius, but knowing the old man would probably never leave Merlin's side... He growled, this was a fine time for Merlin to end up injured. The man always seemed to be able to get out of tough spots before, but how? How did he-

"Die a slow and painful death, Arthur!"

_The window..._ He didn't think he was going to like this, but rather than making this difficult for himself, he sheathed Excalibur and headed towards the window, swinging himself out and began his descent down, cursing all the while. The doors of his chambers flew open, he knew that, but by then he was already rushing across the courtyard towards Gaius's chambers.

"Sire!"He whirled at the voice, Gaius was treating Gwaine's arm, tying it tight as he kept look out.

"Where... what are you... Where's Merlin?"

Gaius shook his head, "I had to leave him..."

Arthur blinked, "You... what?"

"They were coming in quickly I had other people to tend to... besides... Merlin looks as good as dead. They won't bother him..."Arthur's eyes widened. He didn't believe that Gaius had just said that with such a grave voice.

"Who are you?"

Gwaine frowned as Gaius's face shifted into another form and leapt at him, slashing at him with lightning that seemed to ricochet off his armor and ground in stone. The sorcerer continued slashing, angrier that it wasn't working and Arthur could do very little but stare in shock. Why wasn't he dead? how the lightning bouncing off his armor as if it was nothing? He should have been dead!

"For all your hate of magic, you apparently have a pet sorcerer protecting you! Die damn you, Arthur Pendragon!"

In that moment, the monstrous figure was tossed back against a wall with a sickening crack. Gwaine blinked and swallowed. At least he knew that Merlin was still alive, if nothing else. Arthur looked at him.

"Don't look at me Princess, if I had magic I'd have saved myself first," he said gesturing to his arm. Arthur conceded that point and lifted his friend off the rubble and trudged their way into the castle. He wondered why he felt the need to smack Merlin over the head...

Because Merlin had the tendency of saving everyone else but himself...As soon as they were sure that he wouldn't die, he'd make sure to give Merlin a good beating and Arthur a good kick in the ass.

Merlin woke up in a flash, the door to Gaius's chamber had been caved in, soldiers rushing in to take Gaius saying that there were people dying, they needed his help and then there was silence followed by screams from outside and the rumble of rocks falling beyond the door.

He was alone. Whatever curse or sickness that Morgana had given him wasn't letting up, but he wasn't too far into death, so he rolled himself onto the floor with a painful_ thud_! as he landed. He groaned, getting up on shaky limbs to limp, and stagger across the room, knocking over potions, tripping over books, barely avoiding falling beams before reaching the few steps to his room.

_Move, Merlin! Move!_

He forced more power into his limbs, it wouldn't take long, he just had to make it up the stairs. Dragging his body across the floor and earned himself a whole host of splinters, but he was close to the edge of the tiny magical collection he'd had going. Tugging it down, container and all, onto the floor as the last of his strength expired. Water flooded with an odd gleam onto the floor shyly rolling towards him at it splashed in his face and the leafy green curled around his fingers in remembrance.

_Of course you remember me..._ He thought wryly. _Are you going to keep me here too?_

Everyone seemed to be trying to keep him there, yet no one seemed to remember him either. It grew and curled as the water glowed around his face and he tried and tried hard to stay awake, but that wish wasn't granted. The last thing he saw was a weirdly colored daisy reaching towards him and dipping into the water. He thought of how ironic it would be if now, of all times, Destiny decided that it was okay for him to die.

He was unconscious and true to its sentiments, his magic ran amuck. The collection returned to its place up on the mantle as his magic forced Morgana's spell out of time. It was as if it brought fists to a weapons melee: no contest. His strength ebbed into his legs to support his weakened body, but that was all it could do without more guidance.

Gwaine found him lying on his floor hoping that he would say something, wake up, but got nothing.

"Damn it Merlin, we could use you about now..."Hefting him onto his back, probably wasn't the smartest idea until he found Lancelot and they cut through the castle together. In the confusion, Gwaine set Merlin down near a suit of armor as he and Lancelot dealt with the onslaught of armed men. When they were done, he was gone.


	5. The Darkness, Part Two

Arthur made it to the throne room with Morgana cackling behind him only to realize that he had nowhere else to go. She had him trapped and he had a feeling that she'd wanted it that way. Trapped in the room of the sovereign, where he would die and her new life would start. He wondered if this was just a mark of how dramatic she could be, or if there was something else drawing them to this room. He looked around the room, so many memories vibrating through stone and into his mind like stealth assassins. She came in, the doors were locked and she smiled at him.

"Hello,... dear brother..."Arthur swallowed, "Morgana..."

"Ready to die dear brother?" She asked with a smile.

Arthur sighed sitting on his throne with a grim expression, "Must it come to this, Morgana?"

"Even facing death you covet your throne don't you...?"

Arthur shook his head, "I never asked for the throne, Morgana."

"Then give it to me."

"So you can terrorize Camelot with vengeance? I'd rather die first..."

Morgana smiled lifting a hand, "I thought you'd never ask..."

A burst of energy exploded against his chest, Excalibur went flying from his hands as he went up into the air and into a wall. Morgana focused and focused, his armor dented, but Arthur showed no signs of pain, just confusion. He didn't feel anything really but warm and a little shocked that he wasn't being turned to pulp in his armor. Was she toying with him?

"Seems that Emrys is still around..." Morgana growled, her eyes shifting as they glowed and she pressed harder against the barrier in Arthur's armor.

_What is Emrys?_

"Morgana..." He head turned to see Merlin leaning against the doorway, clammy with sweat, flushed with exertion, bandaged up with an ugly multi-colored bruise around his throat. The pillar seemed to be the only thing holding him up other than the intense glare in his eyes.

Arthur's heart fluttered, despite his injuries, Merlin never looked stronger or more capable. Why he thought so he didn't really know.

"Merlin... you're still alive..." She said smuggly as he stumbled in. "But not by too much now are you? How does it feel to be poisoned?"

"You don't have to... do this..."

"Don't I?" She asked looking at Arthur. "Of all the people I expected to defend him, it wasn't you... He mistreats you yet you still loyally serve him? I'm beginning to think that you just might love my dear brother."

"Morgana," Merlin started again. "I blame- blame myself for what you have become... but you don't... have to do this... there's still a chance to turn back."

"How dare you pity me! Turn back? From what living in fear and darkness? Chained and terrified? I will not suffer it any longer, nor will I let this scourge make anyone else suffer this way! I've had enough of the Pendragon rule. I've had enough of Uther's legacy..."

Merlin's hand slid over the hilt of Excalibur as she continued on with her rant and he stumbled his way over, dragging the sword through air behind him. His eyes were focused and estimating the length of the sword to how much pain he had to inflict. Years of pain and terror, fear and anger spilling out of her mouth as Merlin stumbled closer as Arthur's armor dented attempting to crush the body beneath it. Morgana didn't hear Merlin getting closer only the blood and pain and rage inside her, bubbling up through insanity and out of her mouth, the force of her magic forcing Arthur's armor inward against the magical protection.

"I won't live in fear anymore! I will be-"

Morgana choked as the sword went straight through her side and her eyes met Merlin's looking down at her, glowing as he held the sword in her side, huffing with effort, trembling to stay standing through his dizziness. Glowing? Why are Merlin's eyes glowing? Arthur fell free of her enchantment as Merlin struggled under her weight and sunk with her to the ground. She looked at him, wide eyed and shocked. Arthur didn't see, he didn't see anything but Merlin's body, wrapped in bloody bandages cradling Morgana in his arms and pulling the blade from her stomach. Tears trailed over the edges of her raised her hand, gripping at the light and ready to smite him, but Merlin caught it gently, squeezing it as blood fell from his lips, down his cheek and mingling with tears in her palm. Who was this boy to pity a High priestess?

"I forgive you..."

"How... dare you... pity me...This... will not... I will not die until I am free..."

Merlin shook his head, holding her close, stroking her hair gently. Morgana wanted to pull bac,k but his grip was strong, his body was warm and she could feel a tugging of some kind in the depths of her where all her pain lay twisted up in magic. The self-loathing and terror she faced when she looked in the mirror, the rage and pain, all of it wriggling around with magic seemed to be detangling in this embrace. It was an odd feeling, one that she hadn't experienced in a long time. The warmth of being held by another person and this ebbing feeling as everything returned to light inside her. She felt safe and loved and wanted... She didn't even want to think about the irony that this was the man that had poisoned her to try and save the place that would have both their heads on pikes if it could.

"It's my fault that you are this way... had I not... If only I'd..."

What is he talking about, why did his eyes glow? Merlin has magic? How could he defend Arthur like this? How could he betray his own kind? How could he look at himself everyday knowing that the place he was trying to save would kill him if it knew?

"I'm sorry for leaving you alone..." he whispered, stroking her hair and swallowing. "You would have been a wonderful priestess...had I not been so frightened...Had I only known...Had I'd been stronger, wiser..."

"You..."

She stared, searching those eyes that were still glowing with magic and found herself gasping for breath. Why... How did he... Why did he sound so wise, so ancient and knowing as if he'd known-

"Em...rys..." she choked out with blood.

He nodded solemnly and rocked her gently ignoring the sound of Arthur's armor being undone and him gasping for breath in freedom. His head swirled as he breathed deeper for breath and for life and in amazement that

"We can go together if you'd like," he whispered. "I don't think I'll make it... you don't have to be alone now...You don't have to be afraid..."

All this time...all this time... it was Merlin? Merlin was Emrys? Sweet, loveable, Merlin that had only tried to poison her after she'd carried the sleeping plague... He'd saved Camelot then, had he known? Had he known all along? How had he'd hidden it so well? How had she never realized? It all made sense in the grand scheme... how he escaped,how he survived, how he kept getting up and defeating her plots... It all made sense..

"Shh... it's over now," he promised, feeling a little faint himself, but waiting. They would go together, they would go together and it would all be over.

"I..never wanted..." Morgana started. "You... could have killed me... a million times over..."

"I could have," he said. "But I didn't think that you were completely evil... Even when... with the hemlock... It was only because... I thought I had no other choice... In the end, I started all of this...I am to blame... I beg your forgiveness, Lady Morgana..."

How could he ask her forgiveness after all the times she'd tried to kill him, all the times that she'd nearly succeeded? Even before those bruises on his neck... How could he forgive her? But it was there in his eyes, glowing like the sun above, the warmth of his arms seeping into her skin pulling all that cold and terror away from her. She felt for once that she could sleep in peace without dreams, without visions, without anything and sleep soundly. This was Emrys? She was starting to understand why the Druids revered him so. There was more than safety in his arms, but magic and something that felt like eternity.

"You can't be free in vengeance Morgana..."he said. "You just can't...it's why you aren't free now... but that's my fault..."

Arthur gasped for breath, finding that he'd only been suffocated a little bit and Merlin was holding Morgana as she lay dying. The doors to the throne room burst open drowning out the murmuring between the two.

"Will you ever tell him?" Morgana asked looking up at Merlin into this glowing irisis. She wondered what he was doing, but she was so warm that she didn't need to ask.

His hand was pressed at her side where the wound was, stunting the bleeding. Was he trying to save her even now?

"If I live and if I want to be free," Merlin said with a smile and bestowing a kiss on her forehead. Her eyes softened,losing the crazed look in her eyes and returning to the Morgana he remembered from his first days in Camelot: at peace and knowing.

"Your eyes... you're... like the sun..." she said, looking up at him. "Like fire and ice and pain...The night and the storm at the heart of the world, but so gentle, so safe and warm..."

Her hand grazed his cheek in something like love and tenderness, admiration, "Immortal and forever...ancient and burning at the center of magic and time... through the course of fate and destiny... I can see us in this moment, in other just like it... With you burning like a fire in the night..."

Merlin shook his head at her blurry and euphoric eyes. There was something like love there too as she leaned up to graze her lips across his.

"You're_ brilliant_..." she whispered as her head fell back and the last bit of life left her.

Merlin swallowed, ignoring the surge of magic he'd felt at her passing as a moment of heightened emotions. Everything turned a dark, murky blue inside him as tears started falling as the Knights began to surround them. He cradled Morgana's lifeless body in his arms, up against him, rocking him.

_Don't go_, he wanted to say. _Don't go, don't leave me here alone...Don't leave me here!_

All the screaming inside him burned at the back of his eyes, stabbing at his throat and rioting for freedom, but he bit his lip and just rocked her, murmuring, "Come back" into an ear that could no longer hear him. She was gone and he was left here, left. The death that had been stalking him since he woke up in the hallway

"Is she dead?" Elyan asked.

"She's free," he murmured into her hair, stroking it and rocking the body in his arms. "She's free." _I'm not..._

Gaius came immediately afterwards checking Morgana's vital signs and Merlin who only collapsed moments after the other's arrival. Gwaine and Percival carried Merlin to Gaius's chambers, Arthur carried Morgana and laid her out for an examination of the body. They lay side by side, equally pale, with dark hair, one of them breathing, the other one not. One body battered, the other stabbed in one place.

"I can't believe... she's dead Gaius."

Gaius shook his head, there was something odd about it. The sword had punctured flesh, but nothing vital, he'd treated worse on Merlin. There was very little blood loss, she should still be alive.

"What's wrong?"

"The wound wasn't fatal, sire..." he said honestly. "There is no way that sword punctured anything vital, that isn't why she died."

"Are you saying Merlin can't aim?"

"On the contrary, it was in a vital position, but narrowly missed vital organs... Merlin had very good aim... I don't believe he was trying to kill her..."

"But... she's dead Gaius."

Gaius shook his head, "No, Arthur. She's free."

Arthur didn't ask for an explanation, but turned his sights towards Merlin's unconscious body. There was a little color returning to him, he was warming up too, but still trembling. The tears hadn't stopped sliding across his cheeks, though what exactly he was crying for, he didn't know. He didn't even know how Merlin knew where they were, how he got there,

"You definitely have some explaining to do, Merlin..."

The explaining never came. It took a day for the remaining color to return to Merlin's face, the bruises stopped swelling, but they were still ugly. Gwaine and Lancelot carried him to his magical room and laid him on the bed surrounded by what they could only explain as "mystical vibes." Gaius checked in on him everyday at meal time and sometimes ate at his bedside. Arthur avoided the chambers like the plague, organizing the hunt and control of those who'd attacked Camelot, making plans to refortify the city, getting food, water, and medicine distributed properly took up time and Merlin's well-being couldn't be add to the mix of insanity in his to mind, not to say that he wasn't still there.

Every morning that another servant would come to wake him, he was reminded of Merlin's health and all the questions that he wanted to ask. He still hadn't figured out what to do with Morgana's body. On the one hand, she was his sister and a rightful heir to the throne, he couldn't very well leave her grave unmarked, but the laws of Camelot said that sorcerers do not get a marked grave. He spent most of the morning thinking of the problem before his door opened with lunch.

"The King actually working, that's a surprise..."

Arthur looked up as if out of a dream only to see Merlin placing a tray on the table with food, a set of goblets beside the tray and the pitcher beside that. Arthur stood, staring at Merlin's pale form in shock.

_Merlin?_

Merlin blinked, looking at him strangely, "Is there a reason that you're staring at me, sire?"

Arthur crossed the room quickly, pulling Merlin into his arms and gasping at the feeling of warmth and solid body against him. He was alive, and well, awake, and as snarky as ever. Merlin wasn't quite all whole but he didn't let Arthur realize that his grip was a bit too tight to be comfortable, merely relishing the feeling of Arthur's arms around him for the storm to come.

"You idiot," he said softly. "I thought you were dead..."

"I may be stupid, but I'm not stupid enough to die. Who else would take care of you? Obviously, you can't do it yourself, then the whole of Camelot would be in danger."

Arthur laughed at that, squeezing him a little tighter, finding it increasingly hard to let go of the other. Merlin held back a wince and a sound of pain and let the blonde hold him, basking in the other's solidarity against him, the smell of his hair and skin like sunlight and wood. While he hadn't gotten his wish to leave, this wasn't a bad consolation prize. It was obvious that fate still had something else for him to do, what he wasn't sure and it didn't matter.

"Arthur... are you going to let go any time soon?"

"I'm thinking of how many different ways I could choke you right now..."Merlin winced at that and so did Arthur, pulling back reluctantly, "I didn't mean..."

"I know."

Arthur swallowed a little uncomfortably, catching a glimpse of a gruesome hue beyond Merlin's neckerchief. He bit his lip and looked into the other's eyes which watched him a little hazily. There was something in the gaze that made Arthur think that there was more than something slightly wrong. There was that shifty look again, but it wasn't the same nervous tremor. Just a regretful resign to whatever end Merlin imagined.

"Are you... sure you should be back at work, Merlin? You're not fully healed yet are you? You don't look too good..."

Arthur absentmindedly trailed his hand over Merlin's jaw line, but Merlin felt it everywhere at once and bit back another wince as he stuffed his magic down again.

Merlin shrugged, "I've been unconscious for the last how many ever days, I'm not sleeping anymore."

Arthur sighed, "Does Gaius know you're up?"

"Yep."

Arthur winced, "Just... take it easy... I'm supposed to be having lunch with Mordred..."

"I know," Merlin replied.

A knock sounded on the door and it opened to reveal Mordred who looked at Merlin in shock and then to Arthur.

"Merlin, you're awake... how are you feeling?"

He grinned, "Better than ever... if you count death warmed up as a opposed to just death."

Mordred nodded, "You... wished to speak to me, my lord?"

"Yes, join me for lunch Mordred, I have a few questions..."Merlin moved to exit the room, but Arthur wouldn't have it.

"Stay, I may need you, yet."

Merlin didn't like where this is going."You... you are a Druid by birth are you not?"

The room went tense as Mordred swallowed, nodding slowly, "I have not had contact with my people for many years, though."

Arthur smiled helplessly, he seemed frightened, "Relax. This is not in reaction from the attack. I merely have some questions that you may be able to answer... I do not know enough about Druid culture to ask someone else, you are the only person I could think of besides Gaius..."

Mordred nodded eating slowly in an attempt to not stall or look at Merlin as Arthur continued eating as he always did. Typical, the one asking all the questions about another person in the room who was intertwined with Mordred's fate would be the one not to pick up on the tension.

"Have you ever heard of something called Emrys?"

Mordred choked on the tomato he was eating and Merlin swallowed hard, it figured that Arthur would ask these questions. Mordred took a long drink of water and cleared his throat.

"Yes, your Majesty... may I ask... what your interest in the subject is?"

"Well, while Morgana had me up against the wall, my armor got dented, you saw it, but I was perfectly fine. She said something about Emrys still being alive... But would it make sense for this Emrys to be a person? I always thought a sorcerer had to be near enough to cast spells and the like... Is it a thing?"

"No, Emrys... is a person..."

Arthur frowned, "Well... could you tell me more?"

Mordred winced, but Merlin didn't flinch. He didn't have time to, hyper aware that his fate and relationship with Arthur hung on the balance of this conversation. Mordred knew that as well and he wasn't equipped with the social grace to deal with his King wanting to know his manservant's most well-kept secret.

_What do I tell him?_ Mordred asked.

_Just don't tell him all of the truth..._Merlin said. _He deserves to hear that bit from me..._

"Emrys is a part of a Druid prophecy," Mordred explained, tipping around the identity of the person, and the specifics. "It is said that he will help the Once and Future King, you, unite Albion and usher in a New Age of Peace."

"Well, does the legend say anything about when I'm supposed to meet this person? What they look like? Station? Gender?"

"I do not know the specifics, sire..."

Arthur sighed, "I just... feel like I should thank them... Why only now?"

"There's nothing to say that this person hasn't been in Camelot longer."

Arthur looked up at him and Merlin winced. He was about to get cornered. Poor Mordred, for all of Merlin's apprehension, that didn't mean that Mordred deserved this moment. He was a sweet kid after all. For all of his blank expressions, Mordred was absolutely terrible at lying...

"You know who this person is don't you?"

His face writhed with discomfort and he squirmed in his seat, "Sire..."

"Don't lie to me, Mordred. You'll have to practice a bit more to be good at it. Who is it? How long have they been here?"

Merlin stifled a scoff, he hadn't practiced much in lying to Arthur and he was rather good at it... then again, he'd gotten a lifetime of lying practice in...

"Sire... I don't think..."

"Mordred," he started warningly. "I want to know..."

"But...-"

"Mordred-"

Three knocks sounded on the door and all the tension seeped out of Merlin's shoulders. The door opened."Gaius?"

"Sire, have you seen Merlin?"

They looked at Merlin who stood off to the side.

"There you are, I told you to be back down so I can check the rest of your wounds...And here you are standing for who knows how long."

Merlin breathed out, "Sorry... Arthur asked me to stay."

"Go get your wounds tended to..."Merlin took that moment to save them both and faked a pain in his side, crumbling under a false weight. Mordred took his cue to come to his aid, catching him before he fell.

"You really shouldn't stress yourself this much Merlin," Mordred chided.

"You idiot, why didn't you say you were still this bad?"

"Didn't... cross my mind..." Merlin gasped out. Mordred helped Merlin down the stairs promising to return when he was settled as Leon pulled Arthur away for some other sort of business. As soon as they were in Gaius's chamber, Merlin let out a deep sigh of relief, relaxing back with a plop, all feigned agony forgotten.

"Good thinking," Mordred said. "But that won't put him off for long..."

"I know, he's as stubborn as an ox..."

"What's all this about?" Gaius asked.

"Arthur's asking questions about Emrys," Mordred explained as Merlin sunk down and pulled his neckerchief free. Gaius fussed over him chiding him about the dangers of hiding things from Arthur and how insane it would be if he found out from someone other than Merlin.

"Can you imagine how furious he'll be?"

He didn't have to imagine it. He knew Arthur well enough to know. It would be a goblet at his head, but a sword at his neck in the middle of the night. He didn't even think that Arthur would give him a chance to explain either.

"I will be the one to tell him..." Merlin said. "Just try and be inconspicuous for a while Mordred..."

He nodded, not leaving until it was time for training at which point he knew Arthur wouldn't bring it up again. He was right luckily. Merlin found himself outside with the Knights watching over them as usual.

"It's nice to see you, Merlin," Lancelot greeted.

"Yeah, at least now Arthur won't try and kill us every practice..." Gwaine said.

"What do you mean?"

"Ever since you fell ill, Arthur's been going at it harder than usual. He's been using sparring partners as dummies."

Merlin winced, he knew how that felt... Arthur was always ruthless with him and that mace hurt like hell. Elyan slid across the ground with Arthur looking down at him.

"You need a little more power in your back leg..."

"Looks like even with his love here, Arthur is still beating us like dummies... What's going on with you two?"

Merlin scoffed, "Love? What on Earth are you talking about?"

Lancelot rolled his eyes, "Don't tell me that you haven't noticed..."

"Noticed what?"

"The needless amount of touching, the proximity, hell the general hostility and annoyance towards you..." Gwaine said. "I wonder if he's always been like that or if he's emotionally growing backwards..."

Arthur whirled, shoulders heaving, tired, lifting his sword to mark out Gwaine, "You're up Gwaine."

"Let's hope he doesn't kill me..." Gwaine grumbled.

Elyan limped over to take a seat, "Merlin, I don't know what's wrong between you two, but please... please fix it before we all end up in Gaius's chambers or something..."

"I... haven't done anything."

They looked at him, "Well maybe that's the problem..."

Merlin frowned, "What do you mean?"

"You two haven't...?" Elyan lead, Gwaine made the motions and Merlin stuttered through his flush."Wh-What are you..."

"You haven't? No wonder he's so pissed off, you at least know he wants to..."

Merlin looked at him blank and Gwaine smacked himself in the face, "The two of you are utterly hopeless. And I'm going to die because of it..."

Merlin huffed, he'd like to think that he wasn't hopeless as Arthur turned to look over at them and Gwaine fell back under his blade with a huff. Their eyes locked, Arthur's full of a proud rage

_I'm better than him..._

Merlin didn't know how he felt about the vibes he was getting from Arthur as he pulled Gwaine to standing and told him to take it easy before taking on Percival. Not that he didn't love Arthur's natural talent for sword-fighting... But the blonde was a bit hot-headed sometimes and he didn't want to think about the possibility of getting his throat cut because Arthur wasn't happy... He doubted that Arthur was that violent, but with the secret Merlin's been hiding from him for so long, something this close to the chest.

_He'll kill me... or worse..._

He wasn't sure what his mind constructed as "worse" but he was sure he didn't want to find out as Percival and Arthur continued to clash swords. The entirety of the knights training was Arthur hammering at them, knocking them over and avoiding looking over to Merlin. He heard Merlin laughing and it pissed him off, he should be over there making him laugh, he shouldn't laugh like that with anyone that wasn't him. He knew what this feeling was, and it didn't even come as a surprise, just more annoyance. Why didn't Merlin realize that he was jealous?! He wasn't exactly being secretive about it. Trust that idiot not to notice anything!

"Arthur!"

What did he just not care that the King had fallen for the bumbling idiot and was pissed off that Merlin was showing no inclination towards the same?

"Arthur!"

Was he just playing with his head is that what-

"ARTHUR!" Merlin screamed from behind him, freezing him and making him whirl around.

"What?!"

His knights looked at him, and then at the dummy that he'd been attacking... It had a head a few moments ago he was sure. The head rolled to a stop at the edge of the courtyard after bouncing off the side of the castle wall. A hush fell over the courtyard as they all looked at him.

"Are... you alright, sire?"

Arthur huffed, looking at his hands in disgust, glaring at his knights and finally setting his seething rage on Merlin's form across the courtyard.

_This is all Merlin's fault_, he decided, stomping towards the other and shoving his sword in his hand.

"Shine it," he growled. "Sharpen it. That head should have come off cleaner."

Merlin wasn't sure how to handle that statement as Arthur turned around and announced that training was over as he had some other things to attend to... He didn't like the deep cold feeling in the pit of his stomach though, but didn't say anything about it either. He marched up the stairs towards his chambers, locked the door behind him and screamed, reaching for the first thing he could reach and throwing it to the ground. His wardrobe was knocked over, bed sheets thrown around the room until he felt satisfied at the state of chaos the room was in. Looking around at his handy work he took the time to unlock the door and march to his unmarred desk to get to work on business that was actually important. He tossed his armor and chainmail off, the padding, his boots around the room and sat back in his chair, leisurely causing things to fall off his dresser, off his desk, and roll across the floor.

When Merlin came in, he was done with the address to the council and had thrown the rest of his desk items onto the floor, papers flew everywhere, luckily there was no wind that day and the windows were closed, or his job would have been much harder than reorganizing the room. He'd tossed the drawers to his desk across the room, nearly blocking the door. Merlin gazed around at the chaos to look at the blonde man, getting up from his desk, slipping on the pair of boots that Merlin had just shined and walked around him. Their eyes didn't meet as Arthur headed out the door.

"It better be clean before I go to bed tonight," he left then and marched down the hall.

It was Merlin's turn to scream in annoyance.

By dinner time, Arthur had come in three times to check on the progress and each of the times, he'd done something to make Merlin's life more difficult: pulling the sheets off again, dropping marbles all over the floor, kicking over the bucket of water Merlin had been working from before leaving once more on the excuse that he had something else to do besides retrash the room that Merlin had been working on. More than once, Merlin had thought to just use magic to get it done, but apparently Arthur was bent on making him still be there as he sent guards, servants and and everyone else in the kingdom to report on Merlin's progress. Merlin had brought his dinner and went back to tidying up the room as he ate. When he was done, Merlin stacked the dishes up and growled as Arthur took the time to knock everything off his desk as he was leaving. He'd ring the blonde's neck one day, he swore it.

When he deposited the dishes in the kitchen, washed them and returned. The room was only in half chaos with Arthur standing in the middle of the room. He felt the annoyance, the rage, the anger, the desire to put him on the top of the castle and leave him there with nothing more than a glass of water for a few days, but he breathed. He took another breath, and another, and another and set to work on cleaning. If Arthur wanted to act like a child, there was no reason for Merlin to do the same no matter how much he really, really, really wanted to. Arthur watched him clean for the rest of the night. When he was finally finished, Merlin's eyes were cold, glaring at Arthur.

"Do you require anything else sire?" He stood and walked around him.

"Are you not speaking to me, sire?"

He reached the door, a million things running through his head and he stopped in front of it. He shouldn't do this. He'd only been such a prat to keep Merlin near him today, doing something he knew what he was doing, who he would be with, where he would be. It was only because he was jealous and he needed time to think without the idea of Merlin running around with Gwaine or someone else in his head. He just did it for clarity, but it hadn't been clear at all. Instead, he'd been driven crazy by the fact that he'd murdered a dummy in practice and hadn't noticed... That could have been one of his knights. He'd never lost control like that, it wasn't safe. It wasn't smart either... He needed to get a handle on this, he needed to clear his thoughts once and for all of all this foolishness. He needed to tell the truth and be free from it. Arthur needed to tell the truth and be heard for once since he realized that he could never truly be all that Uther wanted in a son... no matter how hard he tried. He wasn't even sure-no he was sure that Uther's version of the perfect son isn't what he wanted.

"What exactly is the problem? Why are you being such a prat?"

_Click!_

Arthur locked the door behind him crossing the room with definite steps, stalking Merlin across the room towards the bed. Their eyes met, half in a quaking nervousness, the other in confusion. What was going on? Merlin let out a yelp as he fell back against the bed and Arthur climbed atop him, straddling his waist and looking down seeming to contemplate more than just this moment, more than any other moment in his life. Merlin could see that whatever he was thinking was causing a lot more turmoil than Merlin ever thought the other capable of. He didn't want to think about why, how, or what exactly was going on with the sense that he was only trying to get out of Arthur's presence before there was more problems than Arthur being a total prick and making Merlin clean his room. But now he was trapped under his lucious, muscular King, settling his ass against Merlin's groin aread and causing more problems than necessary.

"A-Arthur... what are you-"

His eyes narrowed and Merlin shut his mouth, not disturbing Arthur's pensive moment. He didn't want to know why Arthur's eyes raked up and down him so intently, hesitantly but full of fire. Arthur's arms bent as Merlin moved to sit up, not bothering to back up as the space between them shrunk. Eyes stared, stared a little harder and it felt like an eternity. What was he doing? What was he thinking? Merlin wondered if this was a ploy to embarrass him... if somehow Arthur had begun to suspect his feeling for him, but there was not really a sense of observation, just terror and a strange fragile light in his eyes that made Merlin want to pull him close and tell him that everything would be alright. He could feel Arthur's breath ghosting across his face now, the blonde haired King sat fully in his lap, thick legs folded beneath him on either side of Merlin's hips. Blue met blue across the small space and it was Arthur that leaned forward, slowly, hesitantly. He didn't want to think about it any more than he needed to, for just a moment he would be touched, gently at first, shyly, barely a graze really, sending lightning crackling along his skin, before Arthur abandoned the hesitance, breaking free of all his titles for a moment and leaned forward completely. Merlin's mouth opened in shock and Arthur took full advantage, he'd worry about what Merlin was thinking later, when it didn't feel this good, when he wasn't overtaken by this feeling of light inside him. His tongue slid along Merlin's ushering out a whimper and a groan, who made what sound Arthur didn't want to admit or acknowledge, it didn't matter as his hips found a rhythm and more of those delicious sounds were made with each roll against Merlin's lap.

Merlin groaned, feeling Arthur's whimpers through his whole being. His arms wrapped around Arthur, clenching the smooth roundness of his ass and pulling him harder up against him. Arthur moaned, breathless into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Merlin's neck, meeting Merlin's needy pulls with equally needy grinding and trying to breathe only as much as necessary in between kisses. They broke enough to gasp, or let one of Arthur's desperate whimpering moans escape to hearing rather than being swallowed in the kiss.

"Merlin," Arthur moaned trailing a kiss across his cheek as Merlin's teeth found purchase on his neck, biting gently before licking upwards. Arthur pressed closer, sliding a hand through Merlin's hair, loving the feel of his hand across the small of his back.

_Lower, lower, more, more, _he wanted to say, itching to get on with the rest of his plan to make Merlin his and no one else's.

"Arthur," Merlin gasped out in between a kiss, before he could reign his sense back in, reign his magic back in before something happened. Hands stopped and gripped Arthur by the elbows to pull him back.

"Wait."

The terror was immediate as if without Merlin's pliancy, he'd slipped back into the version of himself that wasn't sitting in Merlin's lap, grinding against him like a harlot. What had he done? What was he doing? Had he lost his mind? The King of Camelot in love with a male servant, grinding against him with every intention of riding Merlin into sexual bliss. The voice that sounded like Uther snorted in disgust, he could've at least been the _man _ in the relationship, exercising his right to fuck his manservant if he so chose. But _no_, weak little Arthur wants to be fucked, how would the other Kings take him seriously? How could he ever face his father in the afterlife with this marring his Kingly record? How could he rule the people of Camelot as this weak, needy, pathetic excuse for a male that didn't even have the fortitude to woo women into bed with him, or to want them there? Running away from his responsibility to produce an heir to rule the kingdom, to fortify alliances, to-

Merlin watched the furry of panic across his face with interest and concern. Was the King that repressed?

"I-I... I... " Arthur started, lips swollen as he tried to pull himself together, the customary and defensive sneer appeared. "I don't know what's gotten into me I guess I'm coming down with something...an enchantment or something-"

Merlin crushed their lips together gaining the other's silence and immediate compliance. Whatever Arthur was going to say slipped away into the trembling gasp and his hands clenching the fabric over Merlin's chest. Once he was sure that Arthur was back to where he was when he'd climbed into his lap, he pulled back with a stern look. Arthur whimpered at the loss, but hazy blue eyes opened again and there was nothing but need there.

"I'm not saying that I don't want it, I'm saying hold on a minute." He gave a reassuring squeeze to one of Arthur's thighs and the blonde fell forward against his chest, shoulders hunched and breathing slowly. The tremor that had threatened to start vanished as Arthur relaxed against him, curling into himself to fit within Merlin's arms. He fit perfectly to Merlin's surprise.

He always knew that Arthur was at the very least bigger than him horizontally, though a little shorter than him. But he'd never felt like Arthur was this small before... Maybe it wasn't the physical space, but the psychic space that Arthur seemed to take up in the room with his soft breathing and clenching fingers in his jacket. His King filled the space between his shoulders completely, breathing in his scent and waiting for Merlin to say what he needed to before they got on to more exciting things.

"I think... I think I should tell you this now..."Merlin realized that he was probably about to ruin everything, but it didn't feel right to do this without Arthur knowing everything. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself."Arthur... I..."

"Hmm?" Arthur practically purred into his shoulder, moving a little to soak up the warmth of his skin.

He'd never realized that Merlin was so warm, he always figured the other was absolutely frigid since he was so pale, but Merlin felt like a fire, burning from the inside, almost feverish but there was no clammy skin, no cold sweat to mark sickness, just a delicious heat. It was a little ironic that he always felt so cold with all the muscle, the training, the layers and layer of clothing, the amount of time he spent in the sun turning a lovely golden color. He added "bed heater" to the list of Merlin's duties after this night.

"Arthur..." Merlin said definitively pulling Arthur back.

He pouted, "Don't be such a girl, Merlin. Get on with it!"

_And let me go back to the warmth... or get to something better..._

Merlin sighed, "I'm... I'm a warlock."


	6. Peace Keeping Mission with the Stars

His eyes narrowed in confusion. Warlock? What the hell is a warlock?

"What is that a medical condition?"Merlin rolled his eyes, trust the blonde not to have ever heard of a warlock.

"I can use magic, Arthur."

Time stopped for a moment before Arthur was off his lap and retreating quickly towards the other room where his sword lay on the table. Merlin was up, following him quickly as Arthur drew his sword.

"Arthur, please let me explain-"

"You have magic? Who taught it to you? When did you start? Do you know how dangerous that is?"

Merlin sighed, "If you'd let me explain, you'd understand that it isn't dangerous at all. No one taught me, I was born using magic-"

"Like...me?"

Merlin swallowed and a long moment passed as they looked at each other. Arthur knew? But... He thought... the reason that... How did he...He knew that Igraine told him, he knew that Morgause had merely summoned a spirit, nothing more. But Arthur... on the brink of killing his father had stopped when Merlin told him he'd been lied to about it all. While Merlin hadn't lied completely about it, he hadn't been entirely truthful either. Uther had lied to him and he thought that Arthur had accepted Morgause's treachery. He'd never imagined that Arthur had stopped his attack on his father for other reasons...

Now he wondered what those reasons were and what to do now...

"No," he clarified. "I've always had it, I've always felt it. It's in my blood. That's what "warlock" means, I was born with magic, I am magic. Sorcerers learn it. I've never been taught. I don't need spells. It's not dangerous at all!"

Arthur shook his head in disbelief, holding his sword out, keeping Merlin away from him."You... You lied to me? Sorcerer?"

"I'm not a sorcerer."

"You have magic!"

"I am magic, Arthur! It's part of me- I didn't ask for this-I didn't-"

Merlin winced, his words cutting off as his power shifted inside him. He took a deep breath, steadying himself on the edge of the table. The riot was starting up again and it was his own fault this time. It was too emotional of a confession, all of his feelings all tangled up together with Arthur's response and it as enough to rip a hole in the fragile control.

_Just wait, just stop so I can talk to him!_

To Arthur it looked like he was about to trip and stumble over the chair in front of him. Arthur took that moment to run to the door and yell for the guards. By the time Merlin, got his barrings again, they were on him, lifting him up and pulling him out.

"Arthur wait! just listen to me! you don't understand-!"

A solid blow landed on the back of his head and they drug him out. Arthur closed the door, locked it and put his back to it, staring out into space, feeling like he was going to freeze. Merlin... bumbling, idiotic, stupid, Merlin a sorcerer? He could feel anything, but looking at his fingers tips turning blue, he knew what was happening so he stumbled towards the fire place and drew the blankets around him. They didn't help, and no matter how many time he wiped them, they kept coming and coming, streaming out him with no regard to Uther Pendendragon's son screaming at him for being so _pathetic _and weak. He covered his ears as Arthur's eyes flickered over Agravaine and Morgana... Uther himself and finally to Merlin. Merlin who'd always been so honest, always there when he needed him... always there always, but never there completely and now he knew why... He didn't know what to do about that, so he went to the only place in the castle that he ever felt truly free. He hadn't been there is so long, since he discovered the West Tower and the need to be alone. But he didn't want to be alone, the cold draft of the tower would have killed him. He found that his secret hiding place wasn't so welcoming and kept him up with memories and silent, blank tears.

Merlin was tossed into his dungeon cell unconscious and on the cold, damp floor... The gate shut closed behind him, but he heard nothing, felt nothing, too busy keeping his magic under control in his unconscious state. At least he wasn't sleeping, that would have been a nightmare. The night passed and he woke up, blinded by sunlight and in a dungeon cell with a sigh. Maybe this time they would actually succeed at hanging him. A part of him said he should have waited until the post coital bliss to tell Arthur, but the repulsion at the thought made Merlin chuckle. At least he wasn't completely evil and he could die with the knowledge of his internal consistency even if Arthur let him die without the knowledge of it.

* * *

Gaius scrubbed his face and got up, shuffling towards Merlin's room to wake him, no doubt the boy would be late if he didn't, but Merlin wasn't in his room. The plants were wilting which meant that Merlin hadn't been there that night and that made him worry. He got dressed and put on a pot of tea, nothing was really out of place so Merlin hadn't been called to join Arthur on some quest them. No, he would have left a note... Then what-

There was a shuffling sound that Gaius knew well, but hadn't heard in a long time. He turned, frowning as he crossed the floor and rounded the table towards the small corner in the back of the room, near the very rarely used cabinet of books and other things from the old days. He hadn't expected it, but when he saw him there, he wasn't surprised. It was like familiar sight that you hadn't seen in a long time: uncanny and a little disorienting. for a moment, he imagined that Uther would come barreling through his door in search of Arthur, screaming about him running away from training. He imagined the days of telling Uther in none uncertain terms that Arthur was but a child, he needed rest and sleep as he tended to Arthur's fever and wrapped his infected and bleeding hands in bandages.

He imagined Arthur as a young boy, hiding underneath the table from the guards and crying silent tears as Uther argued about Arthur's inherent weakness that Gaius was allowing and so much more that had plagued the Prince, and now King, for a long time. He imagined the first time Arthur fell out on the practice pitch with the knights. He'd been holding his own in battle, but dropped, narrowly avoiding being beheaded and didn't respond to anything. Nose bleeding, trembling, shaking, and rapidly turning blue. He'd been scared and Uther had been furious at Arthur's behavior. Gaius had to bar the king from seeing the Prince as he recovered from the shock. It took three days for Arthur to regain any semblance of color another four for him to regain consciousness and warmth to the skin. Gaius told Uther that it was shock from exertion, and his hormonal fluctuations as he grew. He told Arthur something else. A psychosomatic condition that mirrored shock closely. The nosebleeds stopped and as Arthur took the tonics that Gaius gave him, the problem stopped for the most part except for the chronic hypothermia. Arthur was always cold, but it had lessened. He'd stopped needing the tonics as he grew older, and Gaius thought he'd grown out of it.

_Apparently not_, he thought. Luckily, he'd never thrown out the recipe, and had one more vial left ready to take.

Arthur had made the space a little bigger for the size he was now, chainmail glittered in the early morning light underneath his heavy cloak that didn't seem to do much of anything. His lips were a little blue and he was pale, but it wasn't that which worried him but the sleepless daze of his eyes and the emptiness in those blue orbs. They pleaded with him as they had when he was younger, not to question it, not to ask. So Gaius didn't and moved about as if he wasn't curled up in his childhood hiding place, looking as lost as he did then. He didn't ask anything about it, but moved about to get the necessary things together and handed the tonic to Arthur. He took it without a word.

"Sire, have you seen Merlin?"

"He's in the dungeons," he replied.

The old man blinked, "Well... what has he done?"

"Don't you know Gaius?" He asked. "How could you not? You're practically a father to him..."

Gaius swallowed standing his ground, not saying anything but Arthur wasn't in the mood. He hadn't slept, he was tired, exhausted, delirious, and freezing. He hadn't slept, even in this familiar asylum of solace. He'd thought that he would find rest here, but it only made more come back to him. The memories of that spot, the sound of Uther yelling for him, the guards chasing him, the whips and beatings, his small bleeding hands...But there had always been Gaius, looking out for him, protecting him, covering for him and caring for him in ways that Uther did not. He'd come here when he needed to talk, when he needed guidance and Gaius was always there. He'd avoided the physician as he got older, not sure how Gaius would react to his less than heterosexual inclinations. He was pretty sure that Gaius knew, or at least knew something, but the man never pried. Now with the Merlin situation, Gaius seemed to be the only option. The trembling was worse than it ever had been, the cold ached and it took everything in his power not to start shivering and letting his teeth clatter together. Why the hell was he always so damned cold?

"How long did you plan on hiding this from me?! How long did he plan on hiding this from me?! How dare you persist with this treachery for all this time, Gaius!"

He sighed, of course the Prince would ignore his psychosomatic hypothermia and his retreat to that spot. He didn't blame him for being angry, even if it was a bit misguided. He knew Arthur had learned to hide a lot of things, but there were few things he could hide from Gaius, hell Merlin was more successful at things like that than Arthur. Merlin was also the unltimate outsider and had a lifetime of practice seeking solace and peace within himself.

"I should have you both hanged!"

Gaius crossed his arms, "But that isn't why you're here... nor is it the reason you've thrown Merlin in the dungeon... is it?"

Arthur went quiet as the old man shuffled to the table and took a seat. The man was too calm for someone he'd just threatened with death. Maybe if he got up and issued his threat it would be more real. Arthur didn't really believe so, so he stayed the way he was.

"Who else knows?"

Gaius shook his head, "Are you going to go threaten them with a hanging too?"

"I might," he gritted through his teeth. "Who else knows?"

"You'd have to ask Merlin that... to my on-the-record knowledge, you and I are the only ones who know..."

Arthur wanted to growl at the technicality, but he let the old man alone starting another question to shift focus from the chattering of his teeth, "When were you planning on telling me? Where you ever planning on telling me?"

"I wasn't planning to ever tell you," Gaius said. "It's Merlin's life. I believe the decision lies with him."

He huffed at that, "All this time... Merlin's had magic? Been practicing magic in Camelot?"

"Sometimes right in front of you..."

Arthur looked up at him, "What... do you mean?"

"That's a question for Merlin too...And just to clarify, Merlin _is_ magic, he doesn't have it..."

Arthur scoffed, "There is no difference, it's still against the law."

Gaius blinked, "Then why haven't you sentenced him to hang yet?"

"I-..."

Because he would never do that. He'd been through that torment once, once was enough. He didn't think his heart could take almost losing Merlin again. His shivers started up as Gaius shuffled away from him. He stilled himself, but there was still a slight tremble to his lips, a jerkiness to his words that let on his tremor. It was like he'd replaced his insides with ice replicas and they wouldn't melt.

"I believe Gwaine and Lancelot knows about his powers if you'd care to ask them...and Mordred of course..."He said draping a wool blanket over Arthur's shoulders and shoving a cup of tea in Arthur's hand. He clung to the blanket soaking up its warmth and his fingers stole heat from the cup greedily. The scent was heady and soft and warm, and he pulled it tighter around him seeking some sense of peace that the blanket could give him.

"Why... didn't he tell me?"

"Why did he tell you now... I'm fairly sure it isn't because you caught him using his magic..."

Arthur shook his head thinking back on the moment. The look in his eyes when he'd said it... He'd been afraid, but there was a sense of determination, of hope there... Something that he couldn't describe and had wanted to understand, but couldn't. Not with Uther still screaming at him from beyond the grave.

"Why... didn't he tell me before?"

"I like to think that even though Merlin has some... _unorthodox_ methods of keeping suspicions away from him, he doesn't want to die."

"I would never-"

What was he saying? The law of Camelot clearly states that anyone using sorcery in Camelot was to be put to death, and here he was saying that he would have never sentenced Merlin to such a fate. What on Earth was happening to him?

"Sire, I'm not sure why you would come here seeking answers..."

"It wasn't some random sorcerer in the woods that healed me, was it?"

Gaius rested his head on a hand, "He's got a small magical grove growing in his room right now..."

"That grotto we found him in, all the growing foliage and the like... that was him wasn't it?"

"He does have a green thumb..."

"Are you telling me that Merlin's only talent is to make things grow?"

_Leave it to Merlin to have one of the most useless and harmless powers ever._

"Surely not, it's a default however as he has an intense connection to the world..."

"What...what else can he do?"

Gaius blinked as Arthur looked at him.

"Is that an order?"

He sighed, "Gaius..."

He smiled, "I only joke, sire."

The door opened with Gwaine and Lancelot looking between Arthur swaddled in a blanket on the floor behind Gaius and the man sitting on the bench. Arthur didn't move, not really caring anymore and too cold to do anything. Gwaine tilted his head there was something familiar about the blanket and the cup in Arthur's hand, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Isn't that Merlin's blanket?" Lancelot piped up. "And his mug?"

Arthur blinked, looking down at it clutched in his fingers and then at Gaius who shrugged.

"Could be."

"Speaking of Merlin, have you seen him? No one's seen him all day..."

"He's... in the dungeons..."

Lancelot and Gwaine's eyes widened at their king who admittedly wasn't looking too good, "Wh-Why?"

"Come in, lock the door," Arthur said. "We have much to talk about..."

He would have to deal with Mordred later. Gwaine and Lancelot exchanged a glance and crossed the room after closing the door. Upon nearing their King, they realized that Arthur looked like he'd slept for weeks and was suffering from hypothermia. Why wasn't he by the fire then?

"Are you alright, sire?"

"I haven't been to the Tavern in weeks, "Gwaine said. "What have I done now?"

"Is something wrong, sire?" Lancelot asked.

"You two knew about Merlin having magic?"

They blinked and looked at each other suspiciously, "You knew too?"

Arthur blinked, "You didn't know that each other knew?"

"Of course not, no one goes around talking about they're best friend's magical capabilities in Camelot...We actually _like _Merlin. Lance', we could have started a betting pot ages ago," Gwaine started. "We would have made a killing off of Leon..."

Arthur sighed, "Focus... how did you two find out?"

"Well, when he got Gwen and I out of that cage fight thing, and the ghosts, the griffin... kind of hard not to notice."

"We went to go save you Princess? Might, Magic and what Courage or something... Who'd you think was the Magic?"

Arthur hadn't heard about the trio, but he figured he knew what moment he was talking about. That damned bracelet he'd lost and the quest that was utterly faltered.

"How'd you find out?"

"He... he told me... last night."

"And you... threw him in the dungeons?" Lancelot asked. Gwaine shook his head.

"Good job, Princess... Good job."

Arthur glared before turning back to Gaius to hear what else Merlin was capable of. Gaius sighed and went into explaining Balinor, Merlin's childhood and the rest having all three Knights in awe, Arthur still huddling in Merlin's blanket and sipping tea that gaius periodically refilled. Gaius went through as many events of saving Arthur's life, of Uther's life, of his own life as he could remember before branching off into Merlin's powers as a DragonLord and a warlock and explaining what made Merlin special. The only thing he didn't say was Merlin's druid name (on purpose of course). By the time Gaius was done, Gwaine and Lancelot glared at Arthur who felt like he would be sick, the tea stopped helping and all the ice inside him turned arctic. All the times he'd called Merlin an idiot, abused him, talked down to him and he really owed him his life... at least a thousand times over...

"You'll have an at least three knight riot on your hands if you don't fix this," Gwaine promised.

"I won't tell Gwen," Lancelot promised. "So fix it fast before she finds out."

They left and Arthur pouted feeling like he'd been scolded by two of his knights. Gaius corrected him and told him that he'd been scolded and _threatened _ by two knights, a physician, and a servant.

"Thanks Gaius."

"You're welcome," he said, topping off Arthur's cup and continuing on with his work. Arthur left, the blanket still around his shoulders, after the cup was empty. Gwen had access to all the gossip of the castle, it wouldn't take long for her to find out something, ask Lance about it, and then go see Merlin for answers. He'd better get moving.

* * *

Unfortunately for Lancelot, Gwen was faster than Arthur realized. She and Merlin were supposed to see each other every morning in the kitchens. No exceptions. Thus, when Merlin didn't show up she immediately knew something was off. No one had seen him all morning and by midday it was clear that she had a reason to worry. The guards were whispering and the Knights were suspiciously quiet. She decided to corner Lancelot when she found him, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan huddled together.

"Where is Merlin?" She asked, the group went silent and Elyan pushed Lancelot forward as the other made their escape. Lancelot smiled.

"Honey-"

"Where is Merlin? He's not in the stocks, he wasn't in the kitchens this morning, where is Merlin?"

Lancelot swallowed, "He's... fine."

"I said where, Lance... Is Arthur making you not say anything? What did he do now?"

"Gwen," he started slowly. "Sweetheart, you have to let them sort it out themselves."

A moment passed, "So Arthur's thrown him in the dungeons for something stupid. Merlin's told him that he's saved his life again or something? Wrote a speech?"

Lancelot sighed and promised to get the knights for leaving him in this predicament. Didn't they know that Gwen could read him like a book, why not send Gwaine?! It wasn't long before she'd deduced that Merlin was in the dungeons for something, but before she could storm her way to see Arthur, the guards were leading Merlin towards the forest and Lancelot took a breath. Seemed like Arthur was getting his life and his wife wouldn't be angry with him. It was going to be a good day.

"Where's Arthur?"

"That I don't know. But practice is starting, by love."

He kissed her deeply and hurried towards the practice lot with a sigh. At the very least, the kiss would keep her distracted until the end of practice. At least he hoped.

* * *

Keys rattled in the lock on Merlin's cell. The young man sat on the stack of hay, curled up and waiting. He only hoped that they wouldn't try to hang him again and at the very least make it quick and painless. He always thought beheading were more merciful so long as the undertaker was quick and had sharpened his weapons first. He shook his head, if he was to be beheaded, he'd sharped the blade. If he was to be burnt at the stake, he would strangle himself to death first. Asphyxiation by smoke sucked. He wasn't sure what he would do if he was hanged, he guess he'd tie a rock to his limbs or something.

"Get up, his Majesty has requested your presence."

Merlin swallowed and stood, following the guards in his shackles. They lead him to the courtyard, put him on a horse and rode him out to the edge of the city, into the forest. Arthur was there sitting in the middle of the small grotto he'd once found him in, wrapped in a familiar blanket. The guards undid the shackles, tethered the horse and rode off back to Camelot. He had no doubt that the change of place was to avoid eavesdropping and the like. Arthur looked up and stood as he walked forward, rubbing his wrists and looking around. Things looked a little less green without his presence there, it wasn't surprising as all of this probably soaked up all the magic in the area fairly quickly.

The earth still hummed beneath his feet and he managed not to fumble his way through the grass, but sinking to the ground under the dizzying feeling. Arthur crossed the grove and sat in front of him, swaddled in his blanket, clutching it tightly.

"I suppose... you aren't going to have me beheaded surrounded by all this green..." His blood would definitely revive the place for a long time and probably destroy the curse on the area.

"No point in bringing you out here if that was my intention. If you decided to run, I wouldn't be able to catch you...now would I.?"

He winced at that and fidgeted, looking away. It was happening again, that strange tugging on his magic, though it still felt cramped inside him, it didn't feel as agitated but sort of lulled by Arthur's presence and the green surroundings. Maybe it knew something that he didn't.

"Arthur I... I never meant to deceive you this long... "Arthur didn't say anything as Merlin continued, "It was just... I was afraid. I knew how you felt about magic when Uther was alive, and with Morgana and everything I didn't know if those sentiments had changed. I just didn't-"

"You lied to me," Arthur said. "And it wasn't anything small either, what else couldn't you have been telling me? What else were you lying about?"

"Nothing," Merlin said. "I haven't lied about anything that wasn't magic. You know _me_, Arthur..."

"Do I?" Arthur asked, honestly. He felt like the Merlin sitting across from him was entirely different. All the signs he knew of Merlin's clumsiness... everything was tilted in someway, even as they sat in this magical grove. "Who actually knows you Merlin? Certainly not Gaius, is it Gwaine then? Not Lancelot..."

Merlin sighed.

"How could they know before me?"

Merlin bit his lip, "It wasn't as if I told them outright...Some of it came and Gaius has known my entire life..."

"But you never told _me_."

"I was afraid alright?! I'm sorry? What more do you want me to say?"

"You've betrayed me, Merlin... Sorry, isn't going to cut it."

His eyes flashed gold for a moment, Arthur swore and things glowed green it seemed, bursting into life and growth as he spoke.

"Don't start with that! I haven't betrayed you! I've saved your life more times than I can count. I've protected you. I've done a lot of things, but betray you isn't one of them so don't you start that betrayal hiding yourself bollocks on me! I've had enough to deal with in my life, more than you can ever possibly know, so don't-"

The blossoming of a flower caught his eye and he pulled it all back in a crippling speed. He resisted but had not choice, punching him in the heart and causing him to cry out in agony. Arthur panicked moving forward as Merlin fell back, breathing hard, gripping his chest and tearing at it. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were a riot of amber-gold and icy blue, he curled into himself breathing deep and pained through the seizure of angry power.

"What's happening? Merlin? Merlin?!"

He breathed and waited for the revolution to pass. By moments his body relaxed as he stared up into the cold blue sky beyond the trees and breathed in deeply. The riot died down leaving a feverishly empty feeling in him in which he could feel much of anything. If he moved, he knew that it would hurt... he knew more than that as well. It would be utter agony... He had to calm himself first, he couldn't let his emotions run amuck, he couldn't afford it... Arthur didn't deserve it. It was himself who was at fault for the situation, though he figured now, that just by coming to Camelot in the first place, this moment would have been inevitable.

"Merlin? Merlin speak to me!" His eyes turned to Arthur above him as he breathed. Hands on his chest, worried blue eyes looking at him and smiled, reaching up, resisting the angry magic that ricocheted through his arm until it rested on a bronzed cheek. Arthur gasped looking at him in confusion.

"I shouldn't have gotten angry with you..." Merlin said softly. "Of course you don't know... how could you?... With Uther lying to you... with you never having any contact... never feeling..."

Arthur swallowed, he didn't like that sadly wise look Merlin sported. It was sexy in a strange way, but it was also deeply haunting. He never felt the weight of his ancestry more than in that moment. In some ways, he felt Merlin's weight as well...

"What... what don't I know?"

"What it means to _be_..." he said. "Magic..."

"What... what happened to you? What's wrong? Why were you in pain?... I don't understand..."

Merlin sighed and breathed slowly as he began to explain magic to Arthur. A pale hand caressed bronze cheeks, tugging him down by the shoulder to lay beside him, hushing his protests and worry as he felt the iciness of Arthur's hands and cast a warming spell over them.

"There's no point in you being up there...the blanket will only keep you so warm."

At first contact, Arthur thought he would melt. Merlin's body was beyond feverish, scalding almost. The warmth expanded over his body and he groaned, cuddling closer to him.

"You're-you're-"

"Hot?"

"Yes... like a furnace..."

Merlin hummed, "Comes with the territory of internalizing..."

"What does that mean?" Arthur asked, scooting closer so that more of his body was against Merlin's and the blanket practically covered them both. "You're feverish."

"I am magic, Arthur... which means my magic works a little different than a sorcerer's..."

"You... are magic?"

"Yes. Gaius told you that, did you not understand?"

"How... did you know Gaius told me that?"

"I have my moments of telepathy...like Mordred..."

Arthur froze, "Mordred..."

"Yes."

"Mordred has magic?"

"Mordred is magic."

"Like you...?"

Merlin hummed, "Not quite like me."

"What do you mean? What's the difference?"

"Mordred is a druid, I am not."

"What are you then?"

"A warlock, a dragon lord, Emrys."

Arthur frowned and he snorted. That explained why Mordred refused to tell him who Emrys was, he was standing int he room! And if the prophecy was so important to Druids, then Mordred wouldn't risk getting Merlin killed.

"What do you meant your magic works differently?"

"I don't need spells Arthur."

"And..." Arthur said. Merlin looked at him.

"Well, isn't it obvious?"

"Pretend that it isn't," Arthur huffed. He really hated feeling like he was stupid but he had no real knowledge of magic whatsoever.

"It's not external... meaning that I don't merely manipulate the magic of the natural world, hence why spells are vocalized..."

"Uh huh..."Merlin sighed knowing this wasn't getting through to him, he managed to sit up with minimal pain to his magical sensibilities.

"Sorcery, _having_ magic, is like having a sword."

Arthur frowned not liking where this is going."I have to pick up the sword to do anything with it/ I actually possess it and can only manipulate it in as far as my physical skills, or spell-knowledge in the case of magic, allows me."

"Okay... so... why is your magic different?"

"My magic is more of a... suit of armor I guess," he winced at the analogy. "No... it's more like a title, you know like of Ealdor..."

Arthur nodded.

"Meaning...?"

"I can't take it off, it doesn't go anywhere. I'm always Merlin of Ealdor, you're always King of Camelot whether you tell people or not. It's there... always, it's a part of you, your history and everything else. It's in your blood."

He winced at that as Merlin sighed. He knew how Arthur felt about his title at times, but sometimes painful metaphors were the most effective and he really couldn't think of another one that would work as well.

"Because it's always there, I don't need to draw from outside sources, I can but I don't have to.. That is I can cast spells, I do fairly often, but I don't need to because I... I carry around my own reservoir of magic with me at all times."

Arthur nodded feeling like he was in a lecture that went way over his head. Merlin just trudged on as they would never move on if Arthur didn't understand or if he felt like his questions weren't answered.

"It gets bigger as I get older, a lot bigger, which is where internalizing comes in..."

Arthur nodded, he felt like he was following along.

"Gaius doesn't know this because it's weird to explain it, I had to explain it to Gwaine though," Arthur's eyes hardened and Merlin refused to say how adorable he looked. "When I don't use magic for a long time, it gets angry with me...Or rather, the resevoir starts to break at the seams... kind of like forcibly filling a waterskin past its capacity..."

"Your... magic stretches..."

"It actually messes with me a lot mental manifestations, all the clumsiness: internalizing. Of course I use a bit of magic on a daily basis as its part of me, but that bit to sustain my life is different than the amount it takes to say grow a field of lilies... which I found out recently really isn't much. The overabundance makes my body feel weird..."

Arthur's eyes widened,"You mean... to tell me... that when you don't use your magic... it makes you clumsy and psychotic?"

"Not... really psychotic. It's a matter of not being balanced Arthur... Magic is a part of me and I have to keep it tempered with the rest of me and keep myself tempered... super strong emotions-not a good idea when I'm in internalizing mode...It only makes it worse, makes me dizzy... like last night."

Arthur thought back and winced, "You... does it... hurt?"

"Yes," Merlin said honestly. "Morgana probably became aware of it and stopped all magical attacks on the Kingdom so I would pop."

"Why... you?"

"Because I am Emrys... she didn't know that, but she did know that Emrys was in Camelot."

"Why wouldn't Mordred tell me that?"

" I asked him not to," he replied. "You deserved to hear it from me, Once and Future King..."

Arthur swallowed, he'd heard that bit before too. Once and Future King... It was exactly what Mordred said in that meeting, but he felt it a little differently now... it felt closer to him now that Merlin told him everything.

"M-Me?"Merlin nodded.

"You protected me because of some stupid prophecy?"

Merlin huffed and slapped him over the head, the yelp was much more satisfying than the pain had been painful.

"No, you clotpole! I protected you because I actually began to care about you, no matter how much of a prat you are. I love you."

Arthur blinked and for a moment Merlin stopped muttering about blonde haired, blue eyed, sexy (at least that's what Arthur thought he heard) idiots before Arthur's cheeks flushed and he couldn't meet his eyes. Merlin was intrigued by this reaction he would have thought that the other knew already, but apparently not. Arthur looked up at him shyly, edging closer to him.

"Tell me more..." he said softly, still flushing. Merlin was a little caught off guard and stored the question that came with the reaction away for another date. One step at a time, Arthur wasn't running and screaming at the moment so he figured he didn't want to chance sending him back behind the wall of prattish Uther-influence.

"Am I to assume that you aren't going to banish me from Camelot?"

"Yes."

"Well," he said. "Let's at least lay in the hammock, it's a lot more comfortable than the ground..."

Arthur nodded, standing immediately, still swaddled in the blanket as Merlin stood on shaky legs, still a little disoriented and shaking his head clear of the darkness, pulling him down to the ground again. Arthur helped him back up steadying him against him.

"Are you... in pain now?"

"Doesn't hurt at-" he broke off, his eyes flickering and screwing shut in focus. His jaw tensed and he curved into himself.

"Don't... hurt yourself anymore...Do what you have to."

Merlin looked hesitant and Arthur stomped his foot, "Merlin! I've already said that I wouldn't do anything, and if you keep hurting yourself like this I'll throw you in the stock-!"

The last sound died in his throat as they reached the hammock and Merlin's eyes flared. A new layer of bright green foliage twined up the tree, the hammock acquired a least another foot of width to accommodate two bodies, a shimmer of darkness went around the small grove though the sun continued to go interrupted. Arthur felt it like a surge across his senses. For a moment, everything hummed around him, everything was green and itself and nothing and everything else at the same time, he trembled in the sensation, heady and brilliant like euphoria but too vivid, too deep for that. It was as if his soul had went on a peace keeping mission with the stars. When the surge ended, Merlin kept Arthur steady as his eyes came back from inside his skull and fluttered open to look up at Merlin who looked down at him and waited, intrigued by Arthur's reaction to it.

He knew that Arthur would probably react to his magic, being a creature of magic in a sense, but he wasn't sure exactly what it would be. But now that his magic was free to float around, he could see the trace elements of Arthur's creation. He could see Igraine on her dying breath and Uther's shock and grief, his guilt and retroactive retaliation against magic. Enough deaths to bring something into existence, but it wasn't Igraine. He wasn't really sure what exactly it was, but Merlin had a good guess as to what it could be as his magic crackled across his skin and over Arthur's.

"You okay?"Arthur nodded shakily as Merlin maneuvered them into the hammock beneath the blanket and made it sway gently.

In close proximity, Arthur could see a sort of glow coming from Merlin's skin, rushing across his skin and he wondered if that was because of his birth or because he was close to Merlin like this.

"Wh-What was that...?"

"That was what the world feels like to me..."

"Dear God... you feel that... all the time?!"

"At sometimes lesser intensity, yes."

"How... can you..."

"It's what the world has always felt like to me..."

He nodded still shaking from the aftermath and curled into Merlin's warmth. Arthur had more questions and Merlin had answers. They didn't talk about the mingling of their aura or the gold and blue sparks fluttering around them. But they talked about everything else, about Merlin's magic about Arthur's chilliness. The talked about Arthur's realization that his mother had been telling him the truth and that Morgause was nothing more than the summoner of souls.

"It was her eyes," Arthur told him. "Her eyes and the way she said it... It was the look in his eyes when he said it too..."

"You knew he was lying to you?"

"I knew that she wouldn't want to let the sins of my father change me... to kill him would have disappointed her...and probably destroyed me."

Merlin kissed him for that and held him close as Arthur asked if Merlin could summon his mother and how much he knew about the other side. Merlin shrugged, he really hadn't tried to summon any spirit, but he did tell Arthur about the Crystal Cave, promising to take him there one day.

The surge didn't happen again just a deep lull and content as his powers seeped into physical manifestation around them. Arthur didn't know how long they were out there, but he'd never felt more complete and at peace in his life, hearing Merlin's heart beating beneath his ear. The other's magic seeped and surrounded them in warmth and care. He felt the other playing with the strands of his hair, humming a song as they rocked and successfully luring Arthur into sleep.

* * *

Gaius was not happy when Merlin came back later that night. He'd spent a good deal of the day trying not to worry, making tonics for Arthur and the rest of the town. Everytime he needed something and tried to call for Merlin, another spike of worry had gone through him. Gwaine and Lancelot had told him that Merlin had been taken to the dungeons, but they didn't really know where or why. A whole day of absolutely no contact had left the man on edge, but when Merlin came in he was almost furious. Merlin grinned, came upon him and hugged him tightly.

"You scared me to death Merlin..." he said. "Are you..."

"I'm fine," Merlin said with a grin. It was the first real smile Gaius had seen on him in a while. "I feel... at peace... and I think I figured out why Arthur's presence does weird things to my magic..."

"I always thought it was because of the prophecy."

"That's part of it... but he's also a bit magical himself."

That and Merlin loved the dollop-head to bits and pieces. Gaius grumbled on about worrying his caretaker before ordering Merlin to take a few vials up to Arthur's room and set them on the dresser beside the bed before coming back and helping him do some prep work for the next day. He took the vials of blue liquid up the stairs, wondering what was in it before entering the room. When they'd come back, he'd gotten Percival to help haul him up the stairs and laid him on his bed. He tucked the man in underneath the thick wool of Merlin's blanket and the more expensive and thicker sheets as he undressed Arthur for bed. The man didn't stir, mumuring indistinctly in his sleep. Luckily, Arthur was still sleeping the way he left him, buried under the blankets. He stoked the fire laying a few more logs on top before setting the vials on the dresser and kissing his cheek.

Arthur snuffled at the feeling and sighed as Merlin readjusted the blankets and headed back downstairs to finish up Gaius' prep work. He went to sleep, revitalizing the slowly fading plants in his room before turning in to sleep. It was the first time, in a long time, that he didn't need a conduit to go to sleep. There were no dreams, no faces, no blood. Nothing but peaceful blackness and bodily rest.


	7. Between How It Is and How It Should Be

When Arthur woke up in his own bed, blissfully warm and terribly alone the next day, the cold came upon him immediately, pulling him down and making him curl up beneath his heavy blankets. His fingers were numbed and painful, throbbing, his toes were frigid and all together he thought he'd tremble his way off the bed. He chattered and squirmed his way towards the edge of the bed. The fire was still blazing, but the warmth of the room didn't reach him. The line of blue and red vials were beacons of hope that he wouldn't die of frost bite. He cursed as his hands were too shaky to even get the damn cap off the vial.

_Goddamn it!_ He prayed that someone would be arriving soon, someone he hoped was Merlin, and they could help him out. Until then he curled tighter into the swaddling of blankets, pulling Merlin's wool one the tightest around him as it seemed to carry the most warmth.

_Come on, Merlin. Don't choose today to be late..._

Merlin woke up, pulled on his clothes and marched down to the kitchens. Everyone greeted him, hugged him, told him how worried they were and he explained that Arthur had just been a trifle upset with him. It was okay now. The cook even gave him a slice of pie for his return and sent him up with a large breakfast for Arthur. He was early this morning. When he arrived, his Prince was huddled in his blankets on the edge of his bed covered from head to toe in blankets. A jolt of worry went through him at the firm line of Arthur's jaw. He closed the door behind him and noticed the vile of blue liquid on the floor, away from the red one on the table.

Upon closer sights, he could see Arthur trembling, curled up and could hear his slow and paced breathing. Merlin set the tray aside and kneeled to pick up the vial before pulling back the blankets. Arthur's blue eyes looked at him and Merlin's eyes softened as he slid on the bed and helped Arthur lean against him. At first contact, Arthur was in his arms, shuddering at the new heat up against him.

"L-Lock t-th-the d-do-or..." Arthur chattered, Merlin hushed him and opened the vial, tipping it into Arthur's mouth, and then the red one, before wrapping Arthur back up in his blankets and pulling him close.

Pretty soon the trembling eased and Arthur sighed, sneaking his hands out from the wool straight jacket to feel Merlin's warmth through his thin tunic.

"Good Morning," Merlin greeted. "Did you sleep well?"

"I would have woken up better..." He grumbled.

Merlin shook his head and bestowed a kiss on pouty, cold, full lips.

"Better?"

Arthur flushed and pushed him away, getting off the bed and dragging Merlin's blanket with didn't bother to remark that at the loss of contact, Arthur's shivering started up again.

"Still cold?" Merlin asked.

"I wasn't until I woke up."

Merlin shook his head and followed him across the room to enfold Arthur into his arms for squeeze. Arthur moaned and sunk into the warmth. Merlin didn't comment but held him there.

_Why get up if you were cold, silly? _He'd have to break Arthur out of that habit. While he appreciated Arthur's pride sometimes, he was a bit overzealous in his need to show that he was strong.

"Could I make you the royal bed heater?" Except for moments like that...

"Not unless you'd like to explain to people why I'm so warm...or why you're so cold..."

Arthur sighed as Merlin let him go and announced the fact that he was leaving. Arthur didn't get a chance to say much else as he was gone and Arthur huffed. With every step away, Arthur felt the cold creeping back, but thanks to the potions it was bearable. A romp in the sunlight, some training and he would probably be fine.

The chill wasn't really his concern, he was used to that and dealt with it accordingly. It was Merlin's actions that morning. It wasn't that he was early, on time, or as cheeky as ever. It was the fact that he was left alone, they didn't share breakfast and that aside from the kiss there was no change in their interactions. Shouldn't this have changed things? Even if just a little bit?

Arthur found that it did change things. Merlin was in the habit of running up his potions from Gaius' chambers before leaving to carry on some other duties. There wasn't another kiss or a hug really since that morning and while Arthur hadn't woken up completely frigid, he was still cold. Cold enough that some of it didn't go away while training with his knights. He would swoon with heat exhaustion and be flushed but shiver all the same. He thought their admittance for their feelings (or at least the understanding of feelings since Arthur still hadn't said those words) would have changed something. If anything, it made Merlin more distant, staying just out of reach from him unless he initiated the hug. It only took a few days for him to be fed up with it.

It was training and Gwaine was chilling out with a fully recovered Merlin and Lancelot on the edge of the field. Mordred had gone to join them before Arthur announced that Merlin could return to being the practice dummy. Lancelot and Gwaine winced, apparently the two of them hadn't gotten it completely together yet. Thing had been going so well, what the fuck happened now?

_Maybe it's worse than we thought... _Gwaine thought as Merlin took up the shield and headed towards Arthur warming up his arm on the pitch.

_This isn't going to end well..._everyone on the pitch thought except for Arthur as Merlin pulled on his helmet and got ready for the barrage.

Of course, he was right as Arthur charged at him with mace in hand, throwing all of his strength into it. At some point the metal shield caved in and sent Merlin sprawling on the ground with Arthur looking down at him. Their eyes met as the Knights came to make sure he was alright. But neither of them heard any of that. Arthur set his jaw tightly to keep his teeth from chattering, and gripped his sword to keep from sprawling over Merlin seeking warmth and an explanation.

Merlin only looked up, searching for anger and only finding confusion and slight horror.

"You could have killed him!" Gwaine said.

But they weren't listening trapped in that space where their eyes met. There was some question in Arthur's eyes and Merlin couldn't answer it, so he was the first to break free. Arthur's jaw tensed a little more.

"Merlin, are you alright?" Leon asked.

Still nothing, Arthur's eyes watched him rise off the ground.

"I'll get another shield..."

Arthur looked taken by surprise by those words as Merlin went to go retrieve another shield. Rather than waiting, Arthur growled, handing off his sword and marching forward to grab Merlin by the arm and drag him off.

"Carry on, I'll be back."

They watched Arthur drag Merlin quickly off the pitch, stumbling after him in an effort to keep in time with Arthur's brisk walking. Gwaine hoped that meant they were about to have really angry, passionate sex and come back to practice like they had some semblance of sense.

They reached to just beyond hearing range before Merlin started asking questions.

"What's going on? What's-"

They made it to the Armory, Arthur closed the door locked it and pinned him against the door with a glare.

"What... What is it?"

"Why are you avoiding me?"

Merlin frowned, he was fairly sure that he hadn't been avoiding his King, but before he could answer, Arthur was leaning forward into a needy and desperate kiss, his hands grasping at Merlin's clothing tightly. There was a sense of distress hanging over him as Merlin freed himself and carded his hands through Arthur's hair to soothe him. It worked, lessening the intensity of Arthur's oral attack.

"Arthur," Merlin whispered, stroking his hair gently and pushing him back towards the benches nearby so they could sit. Arthur leaned against him, seeming to loose any sense of strength, zapped by his shivering. "What's wrong?"

"You're avoiding me, why? I already said that I... I didn't care. Sure it's not the easiest thing to get used to, but I don't care... Why are you..."

"I'm not avoiding you Arthur..."

Arthur's eyes narrowed, quickly becoming defensive, authoritative and Merlin could see. The poor thing wasn't childish so much as terrified, he didn't really know any better. To avoid it, Merlin pulled him against him, and slid a hand through his hair so the warmth sunk into his scalp and across his neck, down his shirt and underneath his chainmail. Arthur sighed at the feeling not really caring if it was magic of just Merlin.

"I'm not avoiding you Arthur... Trust me, if I was avoiding you, I wouldn't have been on the field, and some other servant would be attending to you."

The blonde took no comfort in that answer, but Merlin wasn't sure what else to say about it. He wasn't avoiding Arthur. If he was, he'd do a much better job at it than holding him until the shivering eased.

"What makes you think that I'm avoiding you?"

"We... you haven't..."

Arthur couldn't explain it. It just felt different. It felt ridiculously different and there was something off about it. Maybe avoiding wasn't the term he really wanted, maybe it was more about the fact that he expected things to change... He expected... Well, he didn't really know what exaclty, but he expected something to be different at the very least and it wasn't. It was as if the conversation never happened at all except for that kiss that morning.

"What's wrong ARthur?" Merlin asked again as his blonde sighed and bit his lip.

"Why... why did you leave me alone?"

The question was so soft, he felt like it would break as it was being said. Arthur looked so vulnerable that all Merlin wanted to do was comfort and care for him, but he had a feeling that that wouldn't be enough, it wouldn't be enough even if he tricked himself into thinking so. There was something else in that question, something a lot deeper than being left alone.

"We couldn't stay in the forest together Arthur, you have a kingdom to run."

"But... you left me..." He said shaking his head. "I went to sleep with you and I woke up alone. I almost thought it was all a dream, that everything that we'd talked about was just a figment of my imagination..."

"Why did I not stay the night with you?"Merlin asked and Arthur nodded, unable to say it himself. Merlin was always better with words than he was. "Because I can't."

Arthur's eyes narrowed, "Why not? You have somewhere else you'd like to be?"

Merlin rolled his eyes and kissed Arthur on the nose, "You're so cute when you're angry. "Arthur growled but was quickly soothed by Merlin's hand running through his hair gently, "Calm down..."

"Then explain it to me in a way that I will understand..."

"Arthur," Merlin started with a sigh. "Just because you know now, doesn't change anything..."

"What do you mean it doesn't-"

"Calm yourself and listen," Merlin said. "You're the King of Camelot... Camelot law says that I should be dead by now... While you've shown leniency and left me alive, that doesn't mean that anyone else in Camelot would do the same. Not to mention, you and I..."

Arthur's eyes grew wet at the drifting tone and Merlin shook his head, trudging on, "You're the King without a Queen Arthur... It would only make things suspicious if I suddenly was seen leaving your room every morning, or spending more time than usual with you... Suspicions about our relationship could lead to a lot of other things...Questions about me, about us, about everything and there is a lot that the people of Camelot will not and cannot tolerate after your father's rule... after everything...that's happened and the way they've been taught to think about magic..."

Arthur fell silent. He'd never realized exactly how calm and collected Merlin was... how intelligent. Arthur hadn't even thought about the laws of Camelot, the social climate, their relationship going public... what that could do to Merlin... He hadn't thought of it, for once allowing himself to just do as he pleased, exactly how he pleased... He'd forgotten the possibility of consequences and the problems that would come along with the rest. He'd forgotten that he was the King and not a random man of Camelot able to marry whoever, whenever, and for whatever reason. He didn't even think he could really marry Merlin and the thought of marrying a woman and having to give Merlin up was out of the question. All this work to be honest to have to give it up? He'd rather die first.

"While I am glad that you know, that you're okay with it...That doesn't make me free, Arthur."

He was beginning to understand the term "freedom" , the idea of being "free" was more complicated for most people, including himself.

"I'm... sorry..." Arthur heard himself say, sitting up and moving away from Merlin thinking one all the things that could go wrong.

Merlin could be hanged or banished. Killed in his sleep, accused of enchanting him... He could lose the fealty of his people, the allegiance leaving a huge hole in the kingdom. What was he thinking? He knew there was a reason that he didn't let his emotions surface ever! It would get him into trouble and possibly get Merlin was right... He hadn't thought about what the laws had done to most of his people that couldn't help the way they were, just as he hadn't thought about his own freedom in a long time.

Merlin kissed his forehead, apologetically and Arthur got up without a sound. Rather than head back to the training field, Arthur stalked up to his room, locking the door and sitting behind his desk.

There was so much whirling around in his head, too many Arthurs vying for him to not do anything. To leave it as is, to go back to the way things were...Yet there was too much riding on his singular act of bravery or cowardice... Too much riding on this moment. There was his relationship with Merlin, his heart, his honesty and integrity. He could never justify keeping their relationship hidden _and _making Merlin continue to suffer under a death threat always looming over his head. He couldn't do that to Merlin, nor anyone else in the kingdom. He knew there were other magic users in the kingdom and they deserved the same rights that citizens had. They deserved to be full citizens. _Merlin _deserved to be free after all he's suffered for Arthur and for Camelot, for his _father_.

Arthur shook his head, astounded at Merlin. He'd been the one to try and stop him, spouting calming lies and making him think when the logic of being an orphan didn't work... He could have let him kill Uther, it would've made his life so much easier... but he hadn't. Maybe Merlin knew that Arthur would have been destroyed even though magic was free to be in Camelot once more...

_He is much braver than I...much stronger too..._

He huffed and sat down at his desk, thinking. Such strength and loyalty to him deserved to be rewarded and beyond that, it was about time that people of Camelot, magical and non-magical alike, became comfortable citizens in harmony not with secrets stuffed in ugly corners and terror in every step.

"I hate writing," he groaned, usually he would make Merlin do it for him, but he figured that this had to be something he would have to do on his own. He picked up a pen, bit his lip and tried to start writing. Two hours later and he'd barely formulated a sentence, the page was still mostly blank and he huffed. Why was this so difficult?! To be fair he'd always hated writing, and while the ideas would find eloquent carriage in speech, they all seemed to jumble and crash when he tried to get them out through his hands.

Apparently, his hands were for sword fighting, seal pressing, and signing only while his mouth was much more adaptable in function. He flushed for a moment and shook his head, memories of that month were back now and a sense of warmth settled over him. He got up and went to the wardrobe, sticking his hand back behind the gaudy gifts, and other trickets to the small box of memories that he'd tried to avoid.

Blowing across the top, created a cloud of dust that Arthur didn't mind, opening the box with the smallest key on the ring of his belt and gazing into it. That last letter from A.N. Dale sat with its contents exposed "Be strong." He shook his head. He didn't know how to be strong before, yet somehow he felt less ashamed about the way his life was going now. That hadn't bee true for the years immediately following the letter. He stood there for a few more moments shifting through the other trinkets and letter, reading and laughing at bits of them where Nicholas and Alexander had obviously been going in behind the other's back and writing parts of the letters sent. He always wondered why, since they were always together and both had obviously read what the other wrote if the annotations of the sides were anything to go by.

He chuckled, they had a love to be envied. At the bottom of the box was the soft blue velvet pillow holding two iron colored bands to the light. Non-descript, simple circles of metal that he hadn't laid eyes on since he'd taken them off.

_Be strong_, they'd said. _So he'd have faith_, they said, giving him the rings. He closed the box , locked it and placed it back in the wardrobe. There would be no hope, no faith, and no strength if he didn't buckle down and get the decree done. Somehow the words, came a little easier with them in mind, jumbled up with Nicholas and Alexander and his mother...

_In honor of the late Queen Igraine..._

_the fealty- the dedication of Merlin Ambrosius of Ealdor..._

_...with the same laws and persecution-_

Merlin walked in on his King scribbling through another line of words later that night and found the oddest response to his questioning. He'd only asked if he wanted any help since Merlin knew that Arthur absolutely abhorred writing and was much better at dictating what he wanted to say. Arthur only looked defensive, covered the words, and told him to begone and not to come back. His eyes were steady, there was no flush but a protectiveness of the contents of the parchment.

"Take the day off," he said. "I'll call you if I need you."

Affronted by the obvious dismissal, accompanied by shooing, Merlin wanted to asked if there was something wrong, but the blonde only shooed him away and waited until Merlin had left the room to continue on with his work. He had the distinct feeling that he was being shut out of something monumentally important, but didn't bother to push Arthur on it. If he was given the day off, he would take it to diffuse in the forest and practice a bit more. He'd been slacking off and his magic was getting a little more than unruly again. He wondered if it was because of his budding relationship with Arthur or if he was going through another one of those changes that he was supposed to expect as he got older. His father had said while he looked up at his ghost in the Crystal Cave that Merlin had no idea the power that he possessed... he could only say that he would understand with time and that nothing could ever take away all that he was: magic.

He'd blushed at the compliment and the emphasis on Merlin's importance, but it took much more than that conversation for Merlin to get the full depth of it. He'd been suppressing it for so long that the idea that when it stopped (if it ever stopped) would usher in something else. He could always feel it, but never the complete depth of it all. It frightened him to think that it was a depthless pool inside him. But he didn't worry about that now.

When he found a good spot, he took a seat and breathed in the scent of the forest, his palms open, listening, his soul expanding out to the surroundings and he rested his control. There was a newly budding life budding around him and he could feel it creeping into existence. There was a fire burning not too far from him. A rabbit's breath, a bird soaring over the castle... He spent hours at peace with the world and at peace with himself. Something that he hadn't felt in a very long time.

_I told you young Warlock, this is only the beginning..._Merlin laughed at the voice of Kilgarrah in his head and searched for Aithusa across the distance as well.

Arthur was none too surprised to find Merlin not in Gaius's chambers when he'd come down to seek the man's aid later that day.

"Yes, sire?"

"Gaius, I require your aid..."

He rose an eyebrow but stayed attentive as the young King sat down. He wasn't as cold looking, meant he took his potions or what ever trauma that caused the return of it had passed. What could Arthur want his help with now?

"I wish to reinstate magic in the kingdom..."

Gaius blinked, his head whirled and he sat down for a moment, "What... what exactly, sire...Uhm..."

"I've said that I want the citizens of Camelot to be equal, to have equal protection and persecution under the laws of Camelot, yet I haven't lived up to that vision... It has taken... a long time for me to see beyond my father's teachings, his hatred for magic, and his guilt, to really see it for what it is... I wish to implement it... yet I have no idea where to begin, or how the court was before the Great Purge."

Gaius nodded pocketing away the tiny giveaway of his knowledge before carrying on.

"You came... seeking information..."

"Yes... and help drafting... I am much better at speaking."

Gaius chuckled, yes he supposed that was true. Even as a young lad, he'd been better at delivering speeches than attempting to write. Arthur's eloquence was on the spot most of the time and vocal, in action, not scribbled down on parchment. He supposed that was because of Arthur's personality. He guessed that made Merlin perfect as he usually knew the man's mind and was quite eloquent in writing.

"Why don't you ask..."

A glint of light in Arthur's eyes answered Gaius's question: Arthur didn't want Merlin to know... and obviously had something planned.

"What is it that you want to know?"

"I need to know of any positions in the court held for warlocks."

Gaius snickered, of course Merlin would be adamant about the difference, "There are none sire, the distinction between warlock and sorcerer has never been made in the way you're speaking as there has never been anyone like Merlin in the history of magic... The closest this would be the dragonlords;however, they would have never taken that title."

Arthur huffed, "How about magical positions?"

"You would have to go into the court archives, Arthur."

He nodded and decided that what he really needed help with were the provisions for magic, the means of protection and the such, the wording. That Gaius could help him with, the rest was on him. He spent the rest of the night in the court archives scouring for some position that may have never existed when he found it in the time before his grandfather's grandfather, before the split from the Old Religion.

_It's... perfect..._

* * *

Merlin woke up to the sound of the Knights' armor clanging around in Gaius's chambers. Gaius was speaking in volumes as he climbed down the small set of stairs to look at Gwaine, Elyan, and Percival. They're faces were utterly cold, calm, too calm to be real and Merlin had half a mind to run and run fast, call Kilgarrah and live out his days as a spiteful old hermit at the edge of Albion. Along with that need to run was a sliver of terror and anger. Was Arthur trying him for sorcery? He should have known that Arthur was-

Merlin shook his head, those thoughts were unfounded. Arthur had never shown himself to be a man who's word could not be trusted. There would be no reason to second guess that now.

"What... what's going on?"

"King Arthur requests your presence..."

Gwaine was never formal unless it was serious... apparently it was serious. Maybe they were actually going to hang him again, or at least chop his head of... banish him maybe? He decided he'd prefer the head chop off to the other two options. So he followed the small trio of Knight with Gaius in tow towards the main hall. The hall in which all the Knights had been Knighted in, but they weren't stopping there, they walked past it towards the main doors of the palace and out into the courtyard which was strangely empty and kept walking into the lower town.

What was he to have a public execution? Merlin rolled his eyes, the blonde did have a flair for drama. The humor seemed to be the only thing keeping him focused on the fact that his magic did not seem worried. Did it know something that he didn't? The Knights headed to the cobble stone path leading up to the platform on which Arthur stood. People of the lower town gathered around, apparently there was an announcement to be made.

"Merlin," Arthur greeted. "About time you got here... Come."

He didn't know why something told him to run, but he stepped forward ignoring the common sense response to a crowd of people known to be prejudice against magic... or at the very least ignorant to it. There were a few eyes in the crowd that he could meet. They looked on in sadness and wariness, they were magic users too. Some of them druids, some just sorcerers that had built a new life in Camelot since they had nowhere else to go. Upon his arrival to Camelot, it had always amazed him the network of magic users in the kingdom from blacksmiths to seamstresses...Of course, they'd all been sorcerers so it was a little different, but it was comforting nonetheless.

"We don't have all day Merlin," Arthur said, holding out a hand to the servant standing beside him as Merlin reached the edge of the platform. "Kneel, you idiot."The crowd laughed and Merlin couldn't find out what the hell was so funny, but he obeyed anyway swearing to make Arthur's bath water scalding hot, or leave his meal ice cold the next time he served him.

_Bloody prat..._

"For your dedication to the well-being of your King, and your dedication to the safety of Camelot, I name you..."

Merlin could have sworn that he was about to beheaded and now... he was being knighted? What the hell happened in the last day that he missed?

"Archmage of Camelot."

_Wait... what?_

Merlin looked up at him in utter confusion, what the hell was he talking about? Was he insane? All the sun and metal, the countless days of getting bashed in the head during tournaments had finally caught up... His sweet and luscious blonde had finally lost his mind...

"An honorary Knight of the round table..."

_What the hell..._

"And Court warlock..."

_Now, he's just being funny..._

Arthur only grinned charmingly at him, tapping his shoulders with the blade he'd shined only a few days ago before beckoning him up onto the platform.

"As your first duty in your new positions, you'll be announcing the new decree..."

When he placed the scroll in his hand and stepped back, Merlin wasn't sure what the hell was supposed to happen. No one in the crowd seemed to understand anything of what was going on, not that he minded since most of the terminology was archaic or not very well known. At least he was safe in that regard, he'd never been more happy for the ignorance of Camelot than in that moment...He'd also have to remember to skin Arthur alive when he got the chance for making him so fucking nervous...

"Merlin, you can read can't you?"

He earned himself a glare as Merlin pulled the parchment open, "Better than you as we both know."

Gwaine snickered as Merlin turned back to the decree, his eyes scanning over Arthur's oddly neat handwriting and he felt his stomach fall out of his him and his heart stop.

**_WHAT?_**

No matter how many times he reread it, the words didn't rearrange, they didn't change... Just there in legible black ink laid out in very specific terms... with Arthur's signature and the royal seal at the bottom. He turned to look back at Arthur who looked at him expectantly. Did he have to make such a big deal out of it and hold up the rest of the day? It was just reading a decree! He'd made Merlin do more embarrassing and frightful things than this.

"Get on with it Merlin, we have other things to do today..."

_The prat..._

"By order of King Arthur _Bestuvius_ Pendragon," Arthur flushed that definitely hadn't been on the decree and how did he know that? A ripple of snickering went through the crowd and Gwaine hid his laughter in Percival's shoulder as the taller coughed away a grin.

He glared at Gwaine who did the exact opposite of keep quite, but burst out laughing, trying to smother it in his palm.

"In honor of the late Queen Igraine's passing and the dedication of Merlin Ambrosius of Ealdor, the ban on magic has hereby been lifted such that magic users and followers of the old religion may freely practice as they wish and be subject to the same laws, under the same protection, of the non-magical citizens of Camelot."

A hush went through Camelot as Merlin rolled the scroll back up and looked out into the crowd. He waited for the uproar, a rushing of the platform, hell an arrow to strike him down, but all he heard was "WHOOOOO HOOOOO!" He turned to look at Gwaine and Mordred cheering from behind him and shook his head. They were just... so foolish. But their cheering was contagious, spreading through the crowd. It didn't take long for the entire city to be cheering as well. It hadn't been what Merlin expected. Maybe there was more to Camelot's sentiments than Uther's. There were of course a few people that looked far from happy about the decision, but for the most part there were only smiles and cheers of joy. Thus, when Arthur announced that it was time for the celebration, no one argued. Music started up and the procession back to the castle where the feast was prepared was a daze of joy.

The Druid blacksmith came up to Merlin and hugged him almost too tightly to breath, speaking words that Merlin could hear only in his mind and his magic understood. Words of thanks and thankfulness, _dear Emrys_, a praise to the Tripple goddess or two. General joy. Merlin ended up dancing with the blacksmith's daughter for most of the night in between the majority of the other magic users, the chef's assistant, and a few others from the lower town. Gwaine marched over to Arthur sitting at the head of the table watching Merlin frolic around the room and slid in to the seat beside the one reserved for Merlin.

Arthur watched on, amused following Merlin with his eyes around the dance floor. Despite his gangly, lean build, Merlin was very agile and adept at dancing... At least better than Arthur was who was all muscle and stiffness.

"So... how does it feel?" Gwaine asked. "...Bestuvius?"

Arthur glared setting his cup down, "Say it again, I dare you."

"What are you going to do,... Bestuvius?"

"Gwaine, I'll hurt you."

"You aren't going to dance with your warlock, Bestuvius?"

"Gwaine-"

"Princess Bestuvius..."

Arthur raised his empty goblet to smack him over the head with but Percival appeared, whisking Gwaine out of the way with a shake of his head. He swore that Gwaine would get himself killed one day with all the teasing. He just hoped that Gwaine told the truth at the last minute and avoided that horrible fate of death by Arthur.

"You're just getting yourself into trouble..."

"But his majesty, Princess Bestuvius won't go dance with his newly freed warlock..."

"Percival, get your husband out of my face or I'll kill him."

"Hey, hey," Gwaine started. "I am the_ wife_ in this relationship... Princess Bestuvius."

Percival shook his head, swiping Gwaine out of the way of the well-aimed goblet, catching it and bopping him on the head.

"Ouch!" Gwaine pouted, rubbing at the spot. It hadn't been hard at all, louder than it actually hurt. Percival hadn't wanted to hurt him as he set the goblet down.

"Go do something that isn't teasing Arthur and getting yourself in trouble..."

"Mmm... Percy is that an invitation?" Gwaine's eyebrow rouse and a wicked hand slid across Percival's thigh. The man shook his head and pried Gwaine's fingers off making the smaller man huff. Percival was always ruining the public sexual fun. If people were getting free, they might as well all be free in love!

"No," Percival said cutting off his insane and lascivious protest.

"Fine, I'll go dance with the tall, sexy warlock then,... I take my leave of you Princess Bestuvius... I would kiss your hand, but I feel like you'll hit me."

Percival, swatted him and pushed him towards the prancing crowd before taking a seat where Gwaine had once been and pulling up to the table near Arthur.

"How long have you known?" Percival asked as he drank from Gwaine's half full goblet.

"For as long as you two have been together, it wasn't hard to figure out... there were only a few things that could have kept Gwaine out of the tavern and out of trouble... you happened to be one of them. Merlin was the other option."

Percival snickered as Gwaine snatched Merlin off the wall and started spinning him around the floor in utter foolishness. Gwaine , while sexual and exploratory, was insightful in ways that Percival hadn't realized. Gwaine had expressed some interest in Merlin, but they were better off friends and Gwaine was more interested in the Gentle Giant than the Silent Savior. He'd also realized that Arthur was in love with Merlin long before Arthur realized it. Percival chocked his insight up to his experience in the tavern. Seeing and reading people in gambling, in fights had to come out somewhere else too.

"You don't seem to be able to calm him down though..."

"Eh, that's a little over rated. He wouldn't be Gwaine if he calmed down."

Arthur conceded that point taking another drink from his goblet.

"Does Merlin know?" Percival asked, gesturing to the empty seat beside Arthur.

Arthur shrugged. Probably not, hell he'd only found the position earlier that morning buried in the tomes that predated the Purge. Merlin probably knew what a mage was, he was magical after all, but he probably didn't understand why there waa chair beside Arthur's in which no one was allowed to sit in. But he wouldn't burden him with all of that just yet, instead allowing him to bask in his freedom and find his mother in the crowd. It wouldn't be official until they held the official crowning, and he hadn't worked up to that quite yet. Arthur smirked, after all this time of Merlin hiding things, it was his turn to be secretive about it.

"You going to tell him?"

"Eventually," Arthur said. "I'll have to, still have to get him coronated."

Percival snickered, he'd love to see Merlin's reaction to that, but at the moment some other sound caught his attention.

Merlin looked down into eyes that were familiar and so happy to see him. Hunith squealed as he hugged her tightly, lifting her off the ground in a surge of strength and joy, spinning her around. By the feel of him, he'd been eating more and finally filling out his frame. She hugged him tightly, happy to feel him alive in her arms and so damned happy, so damn free.

"Alright, alright, put me down!"

He grinned down at her, grinning wider than she ever remembered. When she saw him, she saw Balinor's smile there too and kissed his cheek in pride and joy. Her boy was free and now in death, those with magic could at last rest in peace knowing that their descendents would not suffer the same fate. She knew that somewhere Balinor and his father, and the entire race of Dragonlords were smiling at the turn of events. How they felt about Merlin's relationship with Arthur, she wouldn't able to say, but what he'd done for the whole of magical people would probably outweigh any sense of continuing the line.

"Your father would be so proud..."

Merlin smiled and nodded before leading her into a dance. The wine didn't run out and lights shot across the sky well until dawn. The party continued so long as someone had breath enough to scream "Freedom!" Arthur retired fairly early, leaving his people and Merlin to celebrate their freedom. There was a chill going through him, but it wasn't painful. He didn't go find Merlin, laying across his own bed and staring up through the dancing shadows of the candelight. Yuletide was in a few weeks, he'd have to get moving if things were going to be set up before the new year.

_Why is all of this so complicated? _Damn politics. He snorted at the thought, he was beginning to sound like Merlin who had no regard for the finer points of court etiquette. Court would definitely be different now that he was a part of it. His father would have his head if he could, but he didn't really care about that as another bolt of light shot through the sky and he could hear and feel the peace settling over Camelot.

He got up and went to the window as the final lights died down and saw Merlin running out of the castle. He watched in interest, barely catching a glimpse of the blue orb of light floating in front of him as the only marker that it was Merlin. The orb was familiar and he shook his head, yet another thing that Merlin had done for him from afar. Seems like even though Arthur was trying to save him, he'd been saving him.

_How many more of my feats has he been a part of?_

He guessed he would never know.

Merlin prepared his own room for his mother to sleep in. She told him to sleep, but knew he wouldn't. His eyes were glowing with energy and excitement, too happy to sit still. He promised her that he would get some rest eventually, tucked her in, kissed her cheek, and left the room. He didn't make it out of Gaius' chambers before he was running up the stairs towards the main gates and conjuring the orb of light to guide him through the city. Guards turned to look at him, but he paid no heed, running/chasing the orb out of the palace yard and down through the lower town. It all looked so new as the sun rose on the horizon and light crept through the city. There was a sense of lightness in him that he couldn't explain but only look up towards the sky in joy, reaching the edge of the city of Camelot and screaming into the forest.

"_FREEEDOMMM!"_

The Golden Age of Albion was here.

* * *

**It's not over I promise, that would be cruel. **


	8. Crystal Cave Promises

Arthur snickered as Merlin walked onto the field. It had been three days since the decree. Three days since the fate of Camelot had been changed forever. He didn't realize what a difference that made to the man standing across from him, he hadn't really thought about it other than in terms of new freedom. It was much more than that to Merlin, but he wouldn't tell Arthur that. He'd let Arthur figure that out on his own. Hunith elected to stay in Camelot a little longer and was now sitting along the side lines watching her son on the field. Even she did not know the exact extent to which the lift of the ban would effect her son, she didn't know a lot about Merlin's life in Camelot, but she had the sense to know that there would something interesting happening on this day. Hence, she was there instead of helping Gaius.

Merlin didn't bother with a helmet, the jig was up. He slipped on chainmail and armor and grabbed a sword going over the list of other things that had to be done. Many of the changes that Arthur had planned such as the magical addition to the knights and the extra training would not take effect until a little more time had passed, after the messengers had returned from the far stretches of the kingdom. Word traveled fast and there were many more things to take into consideration, but having the ban lifted had been the first step to easing magic back into the populous. There were bands of druids flocking to Camelot calling for aid for safe passage and assistance in settling in. Arthur didn't know that yet, thinking that he would have to ease Merlin into his duties.

The only thing that Merlin was concerned about was getting abreast of court etiquette if he really needed to. He really didn't care which fork went where and for what, but since he'd set the tables enough to know, he really didn't think there would be a problem. Arthur, on the other hand, knew getting Merlin abreast of his duties as court warlock and Archmage (getting him coronated and understanding the position) would be more difficult to explain, but not today. Not right then, right then they were doing something a little more entertaining.

Arthur was a man of honor. With Merlin now free, and presumable "balanced" as he called it, it was time for real rematch on the field. Before that incident of getting knocked over, he'd always dominated Merlin whether that was because he'd never picked up a sword or not, he didn't know. But it was time to test it for certain. A part of him prayed for fencing brilliance, it was the same part of him that wanted that strip-duel to happen, his pride as the greatest swordsman in Camelot however hoped for just competence.

"Well, the newly appointed court Warlock and Archmage is going to receive some real sword training!" Arthur announced to the knights before turning to Merlin who didn't seem to really care about the announcement, his sword laying across his foot as he checked his armor straps. "I'll go easy on you Merlin, promise."

Merlin only smiled across the field in the early morning light, "I promise not to use magic."

"Well, that's kind of the point of sword fighting..." Arthur said, picking up his sword as Merlin kicked a leg up and caught it in one hand. Gwaine sat back with a grin, this would end well he knew that much. Merlin may not have had the practice that Arthur had, or the training, but the boy had talent. Where the origin of that talent was a story that he didn't really know, but he'd seen it. There was knowledge of something that no swordsmen could ever have really. He knew that when he'd fought against Merlin once before. Gwaine had tried to twirl his sword from his hand and ended up getting his sword taken. Arthur had no idea what exactly he was getting himself into.

_This is going to knock old Princess down a peg or two..._

Arthur went into position, Merlin gripped his sword with both hands and listened to Arthur's instructions.

"We'll start with footwork..."He stepped, Merlin mirrored, dancing around one another as he spoke, "The key is to always know what your opponent will be doing next, or could possibly do next. From this position, it's impossible to expect your opponent to move right..."

Merlin frowned, he didn't think Arthur understood what being magic meant in relation to the physical world. But he didn't argue with him only going through the motions as Arthur set them out. Parry, parry, parry... he wouldn't ever remember the terminology. It didn't help him. He didn't really care about it either. There were so many words floating around in his head without any meaning that he didn't bother to try and sort them out when Arthur announced that it was about time to test what he's learned.

"See if you've gotten any better since the last time we sparred..."

"Arthur... I'm not sure you understand the difference between now and then..."

Arthur raised an eyebrow, "Enlighten me."

He sighed and shook his head, "You'll see."

The blonde didn't seem to remember the very detailed explanation of his cramped magic. He didn't seem to understand any of it at all and that was fine. But he would understand now. He would have to get a good grasp of exactly who Merlin was. Arthur started quick with the power of speed of someone who practiced often, in real battle, and on the sparring field. The knights turned to watch. They weren't sure why this confrontation would be so interesting, but it turned out to be great intuition. Arthur was fast, his strikes, when Merlin blocked, were powerful, but Merlin was graceful in a way that Arthur never managed to be. He didn't get tripped up in his own stance, whether spinning around Arthur, narrowly evading his attack, or attacking himself. They were just... different. Too different to say that one was really better, though Arthur had more training.

It was like watching someone swatting at a mosquito or something. Merlin was just too fast. Well, not fast. It only appeared that way because they knew that Arthur was fast and Merlin was practically side stepping the other's attacks with ease.

_What the hell is going on?_ Arthur wondered as Merlin evaded his attack once more, blocking it before returning with his own and forcing him back under a quick succession of attacks. His footsteps were sure, solid, rooted in the earth, but light enough to never be too caught up in it. Instead, he was almost fluttering around Arthur's attacks, terrifyingly good. Amazing, if Arthur would say so, but he wouldn't. It wasn't in his nature, but Merlin knew it. He didn't seem tired even though Arthur felt like his arms would fall off. They were wearing the same amount of armor, weren't they? It was equally as heavy, wasn't it? Was Merlin stronger than him?

When they broke for a moment stepping back so Arthur could breathe and Merlin watched, glancing over him."You said... you wouldn't use magic."

"I'm not."

"Then what the hell is going on?"

Gwaine and Percival laughed, Mordred chuckled and Merlin only shook his head.

"How is this possible? Since when did you..."

"Know how to sword fight?"

"Not trip over your shadow?"

"I told you," Merlin said shaking his head. "This is the difference, now that I don't have to hide my magic..."

Arthur huffed, and readied himself, "You're going to have to explain this little trick after I beat you."

They jumped back, only now Arthur had learned something interesting: that position in which you should go "right" after... Merlin could move which ever way he wanted to. He moved back, removing the force Arthur had been pressing against. Merlin swung his sword hard, knocking Arthur's hands away and relaxing his hand before pointing the blade at his throat with a smile.

"I'm balanced now...It's a really big difference."

Arthur huffed, hiding the shiver of exactly how sexy Merlin was and that fantasy of strip-duel that still had hope to happen, "I'll chock it up to you being a Warlock. I suppose this means I can actually trust you with a sword."

He grinned lowering the blade, "You could."

Once training was over, Arthur couldn't live it down. Lancelot told Gwen who told the cooks. Gwaine told the guards, who told everyone else and soon everyone in Camelot knew that he'd been bested by Merlin in a sword match. A part of him pouted, it shouldn't count, he's magical, but on a more important (and mature) sentiment, Merlin provided a great opportunity to train against sorcerers, to give pointers, to learn their movements... Even if Merlin is apparently a unique case of magic, that didn't mean that it didn't give him a chance to do something that he could never have done before: learn to fight magic with steel in addition to the addition to the Knights that Arthur planned for.

He collapsed on his bed and began to try and take his armor off.

"Merlin! Mer-"

His voice cut off with a sigh. Merlin was no longer his manservant, but taking up quarters beside his own. He should have remembered that considering the utter shock that Merlin had received the news from Gwen with. He'd blushed and said that it was far too luxurious a room, and far too much for him. Hunith had been taking residence in it while Merlin continued his stay with Gaius. The fittings for royal robes and better quality clothing had been hilarious as Merlin had never been measured before and the seamstress swore up and down that he needed to put on some more weight or his clothes would crush him. Merlin had only pushed that aside and asked to have things made for his mother as he was fine with his own tattered clothing-Archmage or not. Arthur had only sighed and shook his head, realizing that it would take a while for Merlin to get used to the life of his position as his mother would have to get used to the new life that her position came with as well.

Hunith blushed when Arthur told her that she was more than welcome, encouraged even, to come stay at the castle permanently considering that Merlin was now of great and obvious importance in Camelot. She was family and that would put her in a very precarious position, too dangerous to leave her in Cenred's territory. Merlin instantly agreed with it, wanting his mother to finally be able to rest as she got older and a change to actually watch over her. Hunith was still resisting the idea, but Merlin said that a few days of sleeping on the mattress in the room beside Arthur's she would change her mind.

"Merlin," he said with a sigh. While he'd instigated the change in position, he hadn't realized that Merlin would no longer be serving him directly. He was just rolling it over his tongue, knowing that the other wouldn't appear until Merlin walked in the door.

"You forgot?"

Arthur jumped in surprise, "It will take some getting used to... I still can't remember the boy's name..."

"It's Thomas..."

Arthur nodded as Merlin crossed the room to unbuckle his armor as he usually did.

"I hear you're avoiding your new servant..." Arthur said with a bit of humor. "And your mother is still taking residence in your room."

"I don't understand the appeal of having one. I can do everything on my own...Mum, seems to be enjoying it a bit though. A nice vacation from Ealdor and everything else that is there."

Arthur caught his hand, making him stop moving for a moment and squeezing, "It will take some getting used to... not seeing you all the time...We'll have to sit down and have proper talks now..."

"You'll see me enough, I'll still be saving your hopeless arse all the time..."

"Merlin..."

"Arthur?"

"I thought you could read my mind..."

"I could, I'm not going to. What's wrong?"

Arthur sighed as Merlin finished removing the armor, slipping the chainmail over his head, unlacing the undercoat to get to the simple tunic underneath. Arthur wanted more than anything to get him to take the rest of it off and spend the rest of the day in bed together. Maybe resting with talks about Ealdor and what it was like for Merlin growing up, exchanging histories and the like.

"Are you upset that I beat you?"

"No," he replied. "I'm not that arrogant."

Merlin shrugged, "Matter of opinion."

Arthur glared over his shoulder before turning back to pouting."You're... free now aren't you?"

Merlin rose an eyebrow and had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... you can use magic freely now... No more hiding... no more secrets... right?"

"Yes."

"No more serving me..."

"Right..."

"Then..." Arthur said, his voice trembled at the end and he sighed once more."Then why haven't we... haven't we...I mean..."Merlin smiled at the blush creeping over the other's cheeks."Forget it..."

It was the sigh and the puff of air that blew blonde strands around that made Merlin think ARthur was so adorable when he was embarrassed.

"Are you asking why we haven't been intimate yet?"

"Yes," he said quietly after a moment. His cheeks were flaming, but he kept up his bravado wonderfully, as Merlin expected.

"You thought it would change since I'm free now?"

"Yes."

"You want it to change now that I'm free?"

"Merlin," Arthur growled. "I wouldn't be asking if I didn't."

Merlin smiled humorously and stepped closer to the other, not missing the sharp intake of breath as he pulled the blonde flush against him with a charming smile.

"As soon as everything is settled... There are a few other things that I should show you... and few more things that have to be done. i promised you a trip to the Crystal Cave after all."

Arthur agreed with that, but didn't want to agree with the wait when Merlin kissed him deeply earning a moan, a whimper and a frustrated struggle from the blonde. He was like lightning along his skin, warming him and making him shudder as Merlin's tongue slid across his own, over the roof of his mouth and along every corner it could reach. He could feel himself reacting as Merlin slid a thigh between his legs and pressed against him earning another moan/whimper. Merlin watched the dazed expression in Arthur's eyes with a smile.

"Do you still doubt that I want you?"

Arthur shook his head dazedly and earned another kiss before Merlin stepped back.

"The council is meeting soon, Gaius will be there for the amendments to the Knights that you wanted to discuss."

Arthur nodded, clearing his throat and fixing his clothing and follow Merlin out of the room towards the council chamber. Lords, Knights, Gaius, Merlin, and Arthur gathered for three hours as each of them in turn gave their spiel against or for Arthur's decision on magic before making sure to glare at Merlin, non too secretly.

Lord Ywain was the most blunt making references to Merlin's lack of knowledge, his reputation among the castle, his common hood, his residence in Ealdor, and his lack of legitimate birthing. Gwaine had been ready to kill the man and Arthur seemed to not appreciate his sentiments either. For Merlin, the fact of his father had been the sore spot, which was obvious by the warlock's stiffness, but wasn't something that Arthur was aware of merely stating the facts in defense of his choice of Merlin. He could feel his anger roiling, but his magic seemed less than bothered about it. He guess because it somehow knew Arthur's sentiments on the matter.

"Merlin has saved my life, the lives of the citizens of Camelot, and many more in the years he has served me. I elevate him based on the merit demonstrated to me with no regard to court politics. I trust him."

"But sire, there is surely a more learned sorcerer-"

"He's a warlock, not a sorcerer. A sorcerer cannot learn the connection and understanding of magic that Merlin possesses, nor can a sorcerer learn to be a dragonlord. If you know of a more powerful, more knowledgeable magical entity, please let me know. Until then, Merlin is the best man for the job."

That shut them up quickly and while Merlin was grateful for Arthur's defense, he could not shake the lingering doubt. Luckily, he was given no time to sulk, or slip into his dark mood. Arthur called upon him to voice his opinion on his idea of a magic task force as a subset to the knights.

"I would think that the point of the decree was not to have to mark magic-users in their service, but allow them to serve as equals to the knights..."

Arthur asked him to continue and thought the Lords of the table concerned with legacy and politics did not approve of the warlock being sat there, they could not argue with his logic or wisdom. It was decided that in the same way the knights were chosen, the sorcerers would be chosen as well and added to the knights, train along side them and for all intents and purposes be knights with extra weapons. Merlin was put in charge of organizing that endeavor and had a feeling that he had a good idea of who would know where to look. Along with that, there was the organization of magical knowledge in Camelot that had to be restored, most of which Merlin was responsible for and would not take long considering that he had a secret weapon in Kilgarrah and his connection with the druids.

By Yuletide, Merlin had fully stepped into his role as Archmage and Court "Warlock". His coronation was the night before Yuletide and on Yuletide, the celebrations had begun. He snickered every time he thought about the title. His mother was set up in her room with Gwen as her "servant" of sorts though their relationship became more of a relationship of a mother and daughter, or even friends. Merlin had never seen his mother so happy. Gaius got a new apprentice that was a lot more skilled at healing magic than Merlin had been during his apprenticeship. It wasn't that Merlin couldn't have been better, it was for the lack of practice and the danger involved. Now that he could practice freely, he'd gotten a lot better at it. Her name was Hilda, she was a Druid woman who had taken kindly Gaius. Merlin suspected a budding romance but didn't bother to poke fun at his mentor for it. He knew how much Alice's lack of return had hurt him and the circumstances around which she had to flee Camelot... It was good to see the old man happy again.

As he thought, Alator was the best person to see about sorcerers with battle magic. He even found Gilli to join ranks and be tested for the knighthood. They passed with flying colors and upon their integration had somehow avoided the suspicion and put to rest the apprehension of the other knights in the service. Merlin had been more than proud at the diplomacy and peace. Everything was going fine, smoothly, perfectly even. Plans were under way for the teaching of magic across the kingdom and new things were being tried everyday. Merlin had nearly jumped for joy at the prospect of the lost tomes of magic that he had access to, the vault of the king and all the other magical artifacts. The freedom that came with the role and his placement in the castle had boosted him into productivity, enforcing Camelot's walls, the citadels, strengthening the garrisons, fine tuning the armaments... It was a lot of work, but it was work that Merlin was actually happy to do and could do out in the open.

The only thing that Merlin hadn't been able to get used to were the robes and the new clothing he was supposed to be wearing. Most of the servants shook their heads at his apprehension towards the clothing of the court, but he couldn't help it. It was outright weird. Arthur cornered him in Merlin's room one day as he winced at the lavishness of the room that he spent very little time in and Arthur was telling him about an upcoming meeting with Bayard, Odin, Sarrum, and Cenred. Merlin was blatantly more interested in taking Arthur to the Crystal Cave, but knew that would have to wait for court politics.

_Damn politics..._

"Merlin, you have to wear some of it. You can't go to meetings with Kings in tattered trousers and patched tunics!" Arthur insisted. "You're the Archmage, second in power only to me, you have to look-"

Arthur shut his mouth as Merlin whirled around with the letter he'd been reading in his hand.

"What... did you just say?"

Arthur swallowed, "Merlin..."

"What did you just say, Arthur?"

Arthur sighed, he'd figured he'd have to explain this eventually. "Archmage, is a position for a sorcerer, in your case a warlock, aside the king. It's a replacement for a Queen to rule beside...and the closest to a marriage that we could ever get."

Merlin gawked, "You... you... when... when were you going to tell me all of this?"

"Eventually..." Arthur said. "I just didn't want you to freak out-"

"Freak out?!" Merlin squeaked. "Freak out doesn't cover this Arthur! You've practically betrothed me to you for a position that I didn't really agree to!"

Arthur sighed, "Merlin..."

"No," Merlin started. "Bayard? Fine. Odin? Fine... Cenred even, fine! But Sarrum? The one who trapped Morgana in that deep dark hole? The one who wants to wipe out all of magic? You want me to meet with him? With you? And be okay? You want me to just waltz in there, 'Oh hi, I know you remember be as Arthur's servant, but actually I'm Archmage, Emrys, and the most powerful warlock that ever existed. Oh, and I know you'd like to kill me, but if you tried, I'd be forced to have Kilgarrah eat you, which he would gladly enjoy I'm sure.' Hell, I want to murder him for what he did to Morgana and don't get me started on Aithusa! And when exactly were you going to formally ask me to spend the rest of my life at your side as your replacement for a Queen? I didn't agree to this! "

Arthur wanted to snicker, he'd very rarely seen the other this worked up in a while, it was good. A sense of relief went through him as well, Merlin obviously wasn't opposed to the idea, just annoyed that he hadn't been informed.

The name stopped him, "Who is Kilgarrah?"

Merlin sighed, sinking into his chair. Out of Merlin's entire rant, that was what he'd caught on to. Not that he was surprised. Not that he was spending the rest of his life beside Arthur wasn't something Arthur would ever have to ask.. Not that he didn't like the idea of having this new position of power thrown on him with no formal warning even though Merlin had a pretty good idea that it would fall to him. He just thought Archmage was an attachment to Court Warlock, he didn't realize that it was an actual position of power. He didn't realize that it was an actual position in the court! He hadn't even had time to look into it while running around easing magic into Camelot.

"Arthur... there's so much... I'm a dragonlord."

"Yes, I know this... That won't get you out of your position, or this meeting, Merlin."

Merlin shook his head, "You don't know the half of it... but okay. Here... we'll have a deal shall we?"

"A deal?" Arthur asked, skeptically.

"Yes, I tell you the rest of everything, the rest of me and if you don't freak out. I'll have a nice civil conversation with the man that wants to see me and all of my kind dead. Then, we'll go to the Crystal cave. I'll even wear those ridiculous red robes you've shoved in my closet and then we'll have a talk about this Archmage thing."

He flushed at being caught, but could only agree that this was going to be another very long day. He followed Merlin out to the training courtyard where the Knights were doing some extra and voluntary training with Alator and a few of his followers. Merlin was dressed in his tattered clothing, just as always with Arthur just behind him. Merlin asked for them to clear a large space which he stood on the edge of with Arthur crossing his arms and huffed.

"What exactly are you doing?"

Merlin took a breath, "_O Aithusa, Kilgarrah , e mala soi ftengometh tesd'hup anankes!Erkheo!_"

The knights turned in shock at the sound of Merlin's voice so unlike the Merlin they knew. For Alator and his followers, there was a different reaction: to get farther away from the spot as possible. The sound of a dragonlord was not to be tangled with and for whatever reason that Merlin was calling out to dragons, if there were any dragons left, was something that they didn't want to think about.

"What was that?" Arthur asked getting closer to him. "What did you just do? What's happening?"

Merlin sighed, "Gaius told you that my father was Balinor."

"Yes?"

"He and my mother weren't married. That is what Ywain was referring to. The couldn't get married since Uther was chasing him. He left to make sure she and I were safe... He didn't eve know about me until we met..."

Arthur's eyes narrowed, he'd remember to not get angry about the blatant disrespect to Merlin later."There's something else to this isn't there?"

"Yes..."

There was a scream and Merlin figured that meant that they were nearing. Kilgarrah was the first to land, Aithusa secondly beside him earning shock from the knights and Arthur to draw his sword, looking up in terror and confusion.

"I... I killed that dragon... Isn't that Morgana's dragon? What the hell is going on here?!"

"Calm yourself, young King... there is no reason to, as you say, freak out."

"That dragon is talking to me..." Arthur said, his sword falling from his hands as he stared at the monumental Kilgarrah and the smaller white Aithusa who Merlin was now stroking and taking a good look at her wings.

"Looks like you're healing up fine, Aithusa," he said happily. "Maybe, one day we'll get you to speak."

Aithusa only nudged him gently and made a purring noise as Arthur stared up at Kilgarrah.

"I killed you."

"Things are not always as they seem, young King. I am a sire of you sword excalibur, you could not kill me even if you tried... let alone with that stick of yours."

Merlin shook his head, "No need to be smug, Kilgarrah."

"It is your fault, young warlock for not keeping your King abreast of the truth."

Arthur's eyes shot to Merlin, "What the hell is going on? Why are there two dragons? Why is this one still alive?!"

"Because I sent him away during the battle," Merlin said. "And Aithusa was hatched from the egg in the tomb."

"Y-You... you...what?"

"I hear there have been many things happening in Albion since we last talked young warlock..."

Merlin grinned, "Freedom."

"It would seem so... in more than just that way."

Merlin flushed, "Nosy lizard."

He laughed. He and Aithusa settled down to rest their wings and listen to the conversation, breathing the air of Camelot freely. It didn't take long for the screaming to die down and people to look on in amazement as Merlin stroked Aithusa's scales gently, calmingly and they was no threat. Servants stopped to peer at Merlin in his natural habitat and Arthur looked around at them staring in disbelief and wonder. He couldn't blame them, it wasn't every day that there were two dragons in the palace courtyard, one being petted like a dog or something.

"You... you can control dragons..."

"That does come with being a dragonlord..."

"And you're Emrys..."

"Comes with being me..."

"... Isn't that a bit of an overkill?"

Kilgarrah laughed and Merlin huffed, so much for getting Arthur to freak out...

"I am sorry young warlock, it seems that your attempt to get out of the more extraneous parts of your role to play has failed."

Merlin huffed, "Shut up, Kilgarrah."

A guard came creeping towards them trembling in his armor, glancing from his King to Kilgarrah's golden eyes that regarded Merlin.

"Y-Your... Majesty... K-King Bayard, Princess Mithian, and Sarrum have arrived in the city..."

"Ah, wonderful. I will meet them at the gates. I trust Odin, Cenred, and Queen Annis have arrived as well."

Merlin glowered, Queen Annis as well?! Was everyone that he'd ever had to play the fool for coming? He supposed that would mean that he wouldn't have to play the fool anymore and he may get a bit more respect out of it. He shook his head, Annis had always liked him and Mithian was a good friend. There is nothing to say that they always looked on him as a fool. It was just that he wasn't sure if he was ready for everyone to really know... or how they would react.

"Go get changed Merlin, we meet them in the palace courtyard."

Merlin huffed but stomped his way up the stairs to his chambers and glowered at the Pendragon red robes he was supposed to be wearing and the armor that was meant to go with it. He would take note to fix the armor to his liking later but didn't bother with it now, getting into it and slipping on the ring and seals that Arthur had said were a part of his wardrobe. He had to agree with the seamstress: his clothes had the potential to crush him if he didn't put on more weight. Luckily, things were looking up. He was eating regularly and sleeping regularly too for the most part. He'd gained muscle that way and now that he didn't have to hide it he could train and do everything he wanted to in the open. He gazed at himself in the mirror and asked Gaius if he had on everything correctly. Gaius only smiled and told him that he looked more and more like a nobleman as the time passed. Merlin hated that. Gwaine whistled at him and Lancelot had given him a cheeky bow as he trotted down the hallway to make sure Arthur was dressed. Mordred had even joined in and that made him glower even more since Mordred was partially actually serious about it.

"Emrys," he greeted.

"Don't bow!" Merlin managed to scold as he entered Arthur's chambers.

He was wriggling into his chainmail when Merlin stepped in shaking his head.

"You wear it all the time, yet somehow you still can't get it on right."

With a wave of his hand Arthur stood upright, his armor buckled and tightened to perfection and gleaming in the light. His Pendragon cloak floated and tied around his shoulders as Arthur took in the sight of Merlin leaning his slim frame against the doorway. The tunic was long made of high quality material dyed Pendragon red with the crest emblazoned across his chest. Tied at the waist with a sword belt that held a sharpened blade, he wore only the aegis under a long flowing cloak that matched Arthur's. For some reason, it suited Merlin though Arthur really preferred the blue tunic. He glowered at the boots Merlin wore: brown, inexpensive, old, and definitely not the brown boots that Arthur had made for him.

"Don't glare at my boots Arthur, I'm even wearing the silly seals and things, let me have my boots."

Arthur shook his head making a mental vow to get rid of them as soon as possible before following the other out towards the courtyard. Arthur assembled with the Knights of the Round Table while Merlin drifted to make sure Aithusa and Kilgarrah weren't frightening the villagers. Instead, the children had taken kindly to Aithusa. Kilgarrah only watched on, golden eyes seeing into the palace courtyard as the royal guests rode up to greet Arthur who stepped out as Kilgarrah stepped forward a little to be closer to Merlin. Merlin turned to watch each come in. The greetings were warm between Bayard, Mithian, Annis, and Arthur. A little tense with Odin and Cenred, but not overly so. It was Sarrum that wore the look of anger, scoping Aithusa playing with children in familiarity. The dragon felt his eyes on her and turned her eyes to him at once tensing up and cowering. Merlin approached her, sliding a hand along her scales and whispering that she was safe and no one would harm her before making eye contact with Sarrum, defiant and threatening. Their gazes held for a moment before Arthur broke it with a greeting.

"Welcome back to Camelot, Sarrum. I'm glad to see that the possibility of a treaty is still open with you."

"Mm... much has changed in Camelot since the death of the witch Morgana... when did your fool of a servant speak to dragons? I hear there is magic in Camelot now..."

Arthur only smiled politely, "Yes, much has changed... Merlin is the Archmage of Camelot and court warlock, as well as being a dragonlord and he is much less a fool than I."

Sarrum's eyes widened for a moment, "I thought your father killed all of the dragonlords and the dragons."

"As you can see, that isn't the case."

"Archmage?" Mithian asked coming up beside Merlin. "That's quite impressive... You've surprised me."

Merlin grinned sheepishly, "I've surprised a lot of people... Bid the children goodbye, Aithusa."

She nudged them each in turn and they waved, rushing back towards town with excited voice that they'd played with the Archmage's white dragon. It was so nice to see children playing and being happy with magical creatures, it made him feel... at peace in a sense.

"I trust that we have served the proper force of threat, young warlock?" Kilgarrah asked, rising up.

Merlin smirked, "If you want to call it that. You are welcome to stay for as long as you'd like. Try to stay out of trouble this time."

Kilgarrah laughed, "The same to you... we will no doubt be seeing each other again soon, on a very different occasion..."

Merlin wondered what exactly Kilgarrah meant, but tried not to think about it as he lead Mithian in and steeled himself for the talks that were going to require every ounce of patience and restraint that he'd built up over the years.

* * *

Merlin had been right. He'd felt Sarrum's gaze on him for far too long and Cenred was almost as slimy if not more intrigued. It had taken hours for an agreement to be made for trading and peace throughout the lands and Merlin could honestly say he was not up for court politics. Luckily, the pages were enchanted with warning signs for Arthur's true allies. It was a feature that Cenred and Sarrum were not privy to and did not have access to either. Though he was sure that Cenred could find a sorcerer to figure out what had been done, Sarrum would never know and it was Sarrum that Merlin was really concerned about.

The feast began amiably and somehow, Merlin had been asked to perform a demonstration and entertainment once more. He glowered at the amused Queen Annis. He couldn't help but smile as Mithian tried to hide her laugh. Old habits die hard. He stood up a little annoyed before announcing that this would be his last performance for the rest of his life (if he could help it). Annis laughed as he took a bow and held out a hand, palms up and closing his eyes. What happened next, Arthur hadn't been prepared for. Merlin's eyes burned gold as a blue and silvery flame began to form in his hand and from it a bird rose from it spreading its wings in flight and wonder. It emerged fully formed and took flight around the room, zooming over heads, rushing spreading blue bits of light around the table that gleamed and faded like sparkles before landing on Arthur's head, earning a good laugh from most while Merlin grinned.

"Merlin," he started.

"It's okay, it isn't going to ruin that pretty blonde hair of yours..."

"Merlin," he growled.

The bird took flight again, rounding the room before swooping back into the palm of Merlin's hand. He closed it over the glimmering blur flames and Annis sat on the edge of her seat amazed as Merlin opened his hand to reveal a tiny bluebird that fluttered on clumsy wings towards Annis as the court gave a round of applause and Merlin took his seat again beside Mithian and away from the empty throne like chair beside Arthur. Gwaine winced at the moment as Arthur looked at him seriously, not realizing that Merlin truly had no idea. He didn't dare get into it now and let Merlin continue on his merry way. That conversation could wait until they were all gone back to their kingdoms and possibly after the trip to the Crystal Cave.

The wait was a lot harder than Arthur anticipated. In fact, Arthur managed to not fidget his farewells as they left the city. The last foreign noble left at midday. The Knights dispersed and Merlin was off to continue on his work. His robes were replaced with more comfortable, mended clothing and he was off, much to Arthur's annoyance. He was really beginning to miss the ability to just order Merlin back to where he was supposed to be (by Arthur's side), but didn't bother making a big deal of it. He knew how happy Merlin was now, running around the city helping people with his magic, speaking with Kilgarrah and helping the Knights and the other magic users settle in. Three days of effort went past before Merin appeared before Arthur again.

"We should go now," Merlin told him. "If we plan on going at all before the new year. It will be easier to go before I have to go to the Druid camp on the border."

Arthur realized that he meant the Crystal Cave... apparently Merlin saw a different order of priority than Arthur did. He wanted to explain the rest of the Archmage position, he wanted to explain a lot, but as bargained, Merlin had the conversation, he'd been civil, and now it was time to go to face whatever the Crystal Cave was. He set Leon in charge of the oversight with the knowledge that they would be back soon enough and started on the journey.

"Where... is this cave?"

"Near the Valley of the Fallen Kings."

Arthur swallowed, "Wasn't it you that said that the place was a bad omen?"

"I said it, because I had to hide, and we really do find the strangest ways to be in trouble..."

Like now, he thought feeling the presence of the area. There were people not too far off, whether they were hostile or not, he didn't know, but it felt like they were. Merlin took deep breaths and climbed off his hors before entering the Valley.

"Are we walking?"

"Yes."

"Should I ask the history of this place?"

"Kings at the time of the Old Religion were given statues here to guard against intruders," Merlin replied, stepping over the brush, Arthur followed behind him. "Morgana lived here and the valley follows the river to the isle of the Blessed."

"Isn't that the birth place of magic?"

"The Crystal Cave it, the isle of the blessed is the temple where many artifacts of magic have been kept, many rituals performed. The Cup of Life, the rowan staff... the tree. The horn of Cathbad, just to name a few."

"Not the Crystal then?"

"We're going to where the Crystal was made... there are many sorcerers who have come to the Crystal Cave... I met Morgana there once. She trapped me there for a time..."

Arthur bit his lip, following him along until Merlin stopped and raised a hand to stop the arrow whizzing towards them. It was aimed to miss, but that wasn't the point as a pair of men appeared from the woodwork.

"Who are you?" Arthur asked.

Merlin didn't need to ask as he focused on the shorter of the two.

_I am Merlin, this is King Arthur of Camelot... Do you understand?_

_Emrys, _was the reply and the man lowered his crossbow, coming down the slope quickly, his partner coming just behind him and Arthur froze staring wide eyes at the two men that were so familiar. Dark hair, emerald orbs, and dark embers in faces that he'd seen in dawn's light, firelight, starlight and in passionate ache...

"N-Nicholas... Alex..."

A rogueish grin passed at the shortened name and Nicholas smiled at him, "Hello Arthur."

Merlin glanced between the three of them. Arthur staring in utter confusion and not knowing what to do.

"You know each other?"

Alexander grinned a little wider, earning Arthur's flush, "In a sense."

Nicholas shook his head, "Stop that. What brings you here Emrys?"

"I'm taking Arthur to the Crystal Cave," Merlin replied and looked at Arthur. "Are you alright?"

He nodded shakily. Memories were rushing at him from beyond the edge of his consciousness. Bouts of blackness, fighting through it to get back to that sensual undertaking of his soul and total surrender. Alexander was thinking about it too, he could tell in that grin of his and Nicholas thought about it for a moment before smiling at him. He'd forgotten about that. He hadn't even thought of how he was going to tell Merlin about his first male lover(s). He didn't even think about telling him about that excursion away from Camelot.

"Ah, that's good. I figured that would be the reason. We'll head back to camp." Nicholas said with a smile before approaching Arthur who stood frozen. Merlin watched in interest as Alexander came up behind him.

What they were planning to do, Merlin had no idea. But Arthur's reaction had been more than a source of intrigue for him.

"Uhm..."

"It is good to see you Arthur," Nicholas said before leaning down and kissing him fully.

Arthur tensed, the warmth was familiar and his body reacted, but his eyes flickered wildly. Alexander kissed him in much the same way before they told them they would expect Merlin within the week before the new year and to have a safe journey. Arthur stood a little dazed, confused and terrified of what Merlin had to say about it.

The other didn't say anything but turned, "Let's get going."

Arthur winced but kept his head down, following Merlin towards the twisted cavern until they reached a room of light and dark mixed and interrupted in stone. Arthur gasped at the wonder of the cave as they traveled deeper into the cave. That feeling he'd gotten at the rush of Merlin's magic was back and he felt a little dizzy with it. The cavern was much higher than he though and twinkled with so much more majesty than the clearest night sky. He stumbled and swooned at the awe and reverence coursing through him.

Merlin took his hand, guiding him through the shining rocks and took a seat near the other side of the cave. Arthur looked at him cradled on a shining throne of glowing crystals.

"What is this place?" Arthur asked.

"It's the birth place of magic," he said. "And as magic has permanence, whether entities live or die, they are held here as a sort of receptacle."

"Magic... acts like a receptacle?"

"Magic is the cradle of the world," Merlin replied, easing Arthur to sit. "It is what makes the world function. It has no ending, or a beginning, it just is and all of that is accessible here... Sort of like the Diamir... the key to all knowledge."

"All knowledge huh? What a useful tool..." he said. "... but aren't there things that shouldn't be known?"

Merlin smiled, glad that at least Arthur possessed some wisdom.

"Igraine had some magic in her," he said. "It's why she stayed alive long enough to see you open your eyes."

Arthur swallowed thickly, thinking back on that conversation that was to short. Far too short, there were so many things that he didn't think he knew how to ask.

"How... how does this work?"

"You wish to speak to her?"

Arthur nodded looking at him, "Will it be as short as it was last time?"

"I don't think so, though I don't think she can hold you..."

"But I can see her? She can speak to me?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Think of her," Merlin replied and got up. "Just, think of her and all the things you want to ask her."

It was then that Arthur realized that he was leaving. The cold lurched through him but was staved off by something else. Arthur grabbed his arm, "Wait, where are you going?"

"I'll wait for you outside," Merling replied. "You deserve to spend time with her."

"But..."

Merlin eased his hand free and squeezed, "Don't be afraid, she loves you."

With that he left and Arthur was faced with the chilly silence of the cave. Think of her? Think of the things he wanted to ask her? What if he didn't know? What i it was just... just what she liked to do? Why she married his father? Could she see him wherever she was? What did she think of Merlin? of his life? Of him as her son-

"_Arthur,_" he looked up and sitting in front of him was the lady Igraine. A pale, silvery projection, but she was there, smiling at him. "My Arthur..."

"Mother..." the word tumbled from his lips. He could hear his heart beating in his brain, thrumming and silencing anything else he could hear. "I... I didn't... I wanted to... I couldn't..."

"It's okay, Arthur. Calm yourself," Igraine said. "The important thing is that you didn't."

"Not because I didn't want to... not because I wasn't angry..."

"Not because of me either..." She said.

"But you..."

"It was Merlin who stopped you, you and I both know that."

"You... could see me?"

She nodded and he looked away in shame. He'd been ready to kill his own father...Lost control, driven insane by grief and too many emotions.

"I was no less proud of your sense of justice as your mercy... You didn't have to stop, you didn't have to listen..."

"He didn't have to lie."

"And that is not your fault...Your father was a prideful man."

"Why... why did you marry him?"

"It was arranged," Igraine said. "I... loved another... But he was not of noble blood. My father had him executed while he married me to Uther.."

Arthur swallowed thickly, "It was a very dark day... but... I grew into my responsibilities as Queen. While your father and I did not always see eye to eye, I always placed the people first. I would not wish the same fate for you."

Arthur looked at her and her knowing, understanding smile. She knew about Merlin which made the rest of the conversation that much more interestingly terrifying. She smiled at him and laid a ghostly hand over his. She was warm and solid, he wondered if he was losing his mind.

"Ask me," she said. And he did.

* * *

Merlin looked up from the fire he'd made as Arthur came out of the cave, standing tall and looking at Merlin with new eyes. It wasn't that he was doing anything particularly fantastic at the moment, on the contrary, he was basting some rabbit he'd caught with a mix of herbs and tasting the soup he was making. Arthur hadn't been aware that they'd brought utensils like that, but apparently they had. The awe was from something else, the world seemed new to him now. So many things he hadn't known before, open before his eyes. So much to say and no way to say it. For once his oratory skills were failing him.

"Did you hear what you needed to?" Merlin asked.

Arthur walked across the way to sit across from him without a word. He swallowed thickly, the words brimming at his lips but Merlin interrupted him.

"Merlin, I-"

"Whatever it is, you're obviously not ready to talk about it," Merlin said pulling out a bowl and ladeling soup into it. "Eat."

Arthur bit his lip, wanting to speak but finding those words so hard to say. He felt pathetic knowing that it hd come from Merlin so easily, and those he was a great orator couldn't manage the few words brimming at his lips. He flushed, thinking back on Nicholas's hasty kiss.

"Merlin about what happened earlier..." Merlin looked up at him waiting for him to finish whatever it was that he needed to say then. It wasn't the words that he'd been struggling to find, this was different.

"With Nick and Alex?"

Arthur nodded, "What about it?"

"I didn't.. I mean there's so much to say..."

"You knew them?"

"Well... yes, in a sense."

"Nicholas was your lover at some point..."

Arthur flushed and nodded, "It's.. more complicated than that..."

"Alexander too?"

"Well... yes, but..." he squirmed, setting his bowl aside. "It's more complicated than that."

"They kissed you," Merlin said, in between bites of food. "In front of me. Is that what's making this complicated for you? "

"I..." he voice faded off. "Yes."

"You're afraid I'll be angry?"

_I am not afra-_ "...yes."

To swallow was to feel cat claws in his throat, dragging down and salt in his eyes to hear the words.

"That I'll be jealous?"

_I'm the King-_"...yes."

His heart clenched painfully, he winced, the cold was coming back, freezing a path to his heart. Anymore and it may have stopped.

"That I'll leave since you've had someone else?"

_It's my right-..."...yes," _he sobbed, the first tears falling and not stopping.

_No man is worth your tears- Merlin is! Merlin is worth it... _

"I'm sorry..." Arthur admitted. Merlin set his bowl down and watched him carefully. He wasn't jealous, he wasn't angry. Hell, he really didn't care and Nicholas had told him most of it in passing... Arthur's reaction however, meant something more than a need to clarify. He wondered what they talked about.

"I'm _sorry_, please I... I didn't... I don't want you to...hate me. I don't... I was young and confused and angry and so damn scared..."

_I'm even more terrified now. I don't think I could make it through losing you... You're the only reason that I... that I can feel anything now... You're the only reason I am the King I am rather than a replica of my father... I can't lose you... even if you don't want to be-_

"Shhh," Merlin whispered, kneeling in front of him. Arthur hadn't realized that he'd moved, or that he'd been speaking, bt Merlin's lips met his and that stopped whatever he was saying next.

A pained whimper escaped him and he tried to draw back.

"Mer-"

Merlin didn't let him, pulling him closer and using the opening to slide his tongue along Arthur's and breathe him in. Furiously warm hands slid over Arthur's cheeks and jaw, gently calloused thumbs wiped away tears and held him still as Merlin kissed all protests away.

"I'm not angry," Merlin whispered. "Nor jealous. You won't lose me. Come here."

Arthur obeyed, leaning forward into Merlin's arms, soaking in the warmly and clinging to him gently. He breathed in the scent of the forest, fire and magic and let Merlin murmur promises to stay, love, and hold him until the tears stopped and he came back to himself. By then, morning broke and Merlin had wrapped him up against the cold and fell asleep beneath him, still holding him tightly and for once, Arthur didn't feel pathetic.


	9. Always With You

When they arrived back in Camelot, the small brigade of knights that would be assigned to Merlin to bring Nicholas's band of Druids to Camelot were done making preparations. He was there for the full day, with Arthur avoiding him, and then he was gone. Arthur looked up at the servant that brought him the message from Merlin and nodded, shooing Thomas away (he'd finally gotten the name right). Why hadn't Merin come to see him before he said goodbye? Was he angry and just didn't want Arthur to- Arthur shook his head at that train of thought. He hadn't exactly been the most approachable since they'd gotten back from the Crystal Cave. They'd rode back in silence and Arthur had secluded himself in his room like a moody teenager. Something had shifted in him, something huge and he wasn't sure how to grapple with it, and everything Igraine told him, everything the Crystal Cave showed him... He didn't know how to deal with that and his feelings for Merlin as well. He only hoped he hadn't made the matters worse by avoiding Merlin... There were just too many questions, too many answers all crowding for space in his head along side the need to be with him.

_One pace forward, a thousand paces back. _

He shuffled through the pages on his desk again and happened upon a slip of folded paper, there were no ink marks on the other side so he supposed it was a blank piece of parchment. He moved to pick it up and at the touch of his hand, a chill went through him and world spiraled out on the page in neat Merlin handwriting. He wanted to glare at it, Merlin's penmanship had always been better than his ever since he realized that he servant was actually educated...

_Hello Arthur, because I know that you're such a dollophead as to worry about why we haven't spent much time together since we got back from the Crystal Cave, I'm telling you now in no uncertain terms that I love you, I don't care what was said, I don't care what was done. You're a good man and I trust your honor so stop worrying so much and get to work. I trust that when you're ready to talk, we will._

_P.S. I know my handwriting is better than yours. Don't be too angry about it, you can't be perfect at everything__._

He blinked, smiled and it grew into laughter at his cheeky serv-ex-servant and current archmage. He'd really have to get a better grip on titles. He was the one that was suppose to care about propriety enough for the both of them. Though he still wasn't as warm as he could be, he wasn't on the edge of chattering out of his seat. The anxiety and worry dwindled down to nothing and made going through tax reports and garrison formations a lot easier.

* * *

"Remind me again where we're going?" Gwaine asked, yawning following Merlin.

Sir Edric and two other noble Knights joined them. He and Gwaine were really the only commoners and practically the most experienced. As of late, the Knights given to him to travel with were more noble than not. It seemed that Arthur had ploy to get the rest of the knights used to him as Archmage and their technical superior. The Knights of the original Round Table didn't have to have this strange orientation towards Merlin. It had been enough that he'd called a dragon out of the sky, or that he'd been saving them behind their backs for a very long time.

"To the Druid camp near the Valley of the Kings." Merlin replied. "We're escorting them to Camelot."

"Whatever happened to the Duke of Dale anyway?" Edric asked. "Last I heard, the dukedom got run over by bandits."

Merlin smiled at that, as had Mercia where Alexander was from. Now that his father was dead and his only son had been banished of sorts, Mercia had fallen to ruin as well, once an ally to Camelot and of Dale. He wondered what Arthur planned on doing about that considering their previous relationship and how Alexander felt about his father's dukedom.

"It did, as for the Duke... only time could tell."

Gwaine snickered at the cryptic reply as they arrived at the Valley of the Kings. They shivered and Merlin got off his horse, searching for familiar minds.

_Emrys._

"This way, if you please." Merlin said leading his horse away from the mouth of the Valley and deeper into the woods. They followed without question, leading their horses along until the smelled burning firewood and roasting meat.

"Looks like we found them."

"Merlin!" Alexander said coming barreling towards them with a grin and stopping in front of them. Gwaine's eyes widened at the man and Merlin smiled. "No blondie?"

"Nope, he's got a kingdom to run. This one is my job."

"Ah, figures, come on. Nick's around here somewhere and we're almost ready to get moving."

"How many people?"

"About a thousand, they all arrived here last night... we expect a few stragglers still trying to get through Mercia and Essetir, but that's the next movement."

Merlin nodded, "I'll have Kilgarrah and Aithusa keep a look out for them." Merlin followed Alexander through the camp, greeting people, hugging familiar children that curtsied and bowed, grinning up at him in auditory silence.

_Emrys! Emrys! Are you coming to take us away to Camelot? _

Merlin nodded at their excitement, _Go on and get ready to leave, we head out in a few hours._

Edric, Joseph, and Evan looked on oddly. They weren't really sure how to handle this moment. They'd been loyal soldiers in Uther's reign, taught to hate and fear magic with everything in them. Druids were a special place of hatred, yet they could not mesh their teachings together with children playing, running around with flowers and laughing. They couldn't understand the obvious companionship and friendliness that Merlin shared with these people and the _silence_. Did these people ever talk? Gwaine laughed at their uncomfortable faces.

"Despite all of Uther's demonizing, they are just people."

They winced at the words as Gwaine went forward and rallied the children together to get ready to go. Merlin though it was hilarious that they were tackling the knight down to the ground and crying victory. When everyone was packed up, horses loaded up, carts ready, they moved out. Edric and Joseph lead the band. Evan and Gwain took each side and Merlin brought up the rear. Nicholas and Alexander walking through the woods with him as he'd loaded an elderly couple on his horse and was leading it by the reigns.

"He's avoiding you?" Nicholas asked and shook his head. "Figures."

Merlin shrugged, "Give him a break, he's be repressed for a long time."

Alexander nodded in agreement and grinned, "He hasn't told you much has he?"

Merlin snorted, "He's an open book. He didn't really have to."

"He will," Nicholas said. "In time."

Merlin shrugged, "Not really worried about us. You two should be though. Dale and Mercia..."

Alexander rolled his eyes, "I'm not responsible."

"Sure you are, the only living heir..."

"Banished," he corrected. "Not an heir."

Nicholas turned his emerald orbs on him and Alexander huffed. They'd had this conversation when Dale was overrun. He didn't want to have it again. That night had been too cold for comfort, he hated when Nicholas was upset with him.

"Look, I don't want to. It's not important, I'm sure they're doing just fine."

"They're a feudal land now, Alexander."

He winced. Nicholas never called him like that unless he was really upset with him. He really hoped that they wouldn't continue this conversation when they arrived. As they entered the city, heading towards the palace, they didn't have any sort of conversation. It was late enough that the skies were dark and cold, but that didn't matter, they had space in the palace and many of the Druids already residing in Camelot took most of the party in for the night. Merlin did the main work of organizing and checking people in to keep track of them. Horses to the stables, carts in the courtyard and eventually everyone got to sleep. Nicholas and Alexander bid him goodnight heading towards the rooms at the end of the hall beside Merlin and Arthur's chambers.

Alexander followed behind him only to find that Nicholas closed the door in his face and locked it... Apparently, they wouldn't be sharing quarters tonight. He sighed again. Apparently, Nick wasn't letting this go. He cursed and wanted to knock, to pick the lock and confront him, but he knew that it wouldn't end well for either of them. It would be best to try and sleep on it and talk to him in the morning.

Before heading to bed, Merlin poked his head through Arthur's bed room door to see the young King missing. He frowned tilting his head and headed to his own chambers to set his things down and smiled at the sight of Arthur curled up on his bed, sleeping deeply. He wondered if while he was away this is where Arthur always slept. Rather than wake him, Merlin slipped into bed, letting Arthur curl into him and snuggle up to him. He kissed the other's cheek and drifted into peace.

Arthur woke up alone again, but he wasn't cold. There were the sounds of rustling clothing in the chamber and he frowned. Maybe it was Thomas coming to wake him up.

"Let's have you, laisy daisy!"

Arthur flushed, sitting up and realizing that he had indeed fallen asleep in Merlin's bed and now the man was standing at the edge of the bed wearing that looked suspiciously old and tattered.

"I..."

Merlin rose an eyebrow and continued on with packing his bag and grabbing his parchment.

"Thomas set breakfast up on the table if you want it," Merlin said, biting into an apple. "I may or may not see you later. Not sure. Love you."

With that he was gone and Arthur felt ridiculous, having been caught in Merlin's room, he managed not to think about it. Hurried through breakfast, and got dressed before leaving the room, while adjusting his belt.

"Good Morning Arthur," He whirled around to see Nicholas standing there and took a step back. Nicholas laughed at his apprehension and slung an arm around his shoulder walking with him towards the council chambers.

"Don't look like I'm going to eat you alive! We haven't seen each other in ages and that's the greeting I get."

"When... did you arrive?" Arthur looked around. "Where's Alex-I'm Alexander?"

Nicholas snickered at that, "I guess he's still asleep, don't know. Have fun in the council meeting."

With that he sauntered away towards the main stairs leading outward as Arthur began a long day of being King. He ran into Alexander sparring against Gwaine and hammering down on the knight.

"Such hostility!" Gwaine said. "I thought we were friends."

"We are, just a little upset." Alexander said stepping back and running a hand through his hair, "Sorry."

"I'll fight you," Arthur turned to see Nicholas walking onto the pitch, grabbing a sword and somewhere in his stomach he didn't think this was a good idea.

Where was Merlin when you need him?

"He's dealing with the populace change, he left earlier." Gwaine said, stepping off the pitch.

Alexander winced, not to say that Nicholas was a better swordsman than him, they were about even in most regards and when Nicholas wasn't upset with him. He just didn't understand why he didn't just let it go!

"I don't want to fight you, Nick."

"Why not?" Nicholas asked picking up a sword and warming up his wrist. "Afraid I'll beat you?"

Alexander sighed, he supposed betweena sword fight and a knock down drag out fight he could deal with a sword fight... Or at least that's what he thought until Nicholas started to attack him.

"Hell, you're almost as good as a prince Alexander. I never knew you were so good."

Alexander glowered, "You're as funny as that tavern maiden from Essetir. You remember? _Pale wintery yellow_-"

"You're changing the subject!" Nicholas yelled, pushing him off and pursuing him across the field in a flurry of quick striker. "Why is it so hard for you to understand?"

"That isn't my life anymore-"

"It will always be your life," Nicholas growled. 'You have a duty to your family-"

It was Alexander's turn to be angry, clanging swords too quick for it not to be dangerous, he'd gotten a cut across Nicholas's cheek and that obviously was a bad idea.

"I have no duty but to myself."

Nicholas charged in again and while Arthur wasn't sure what was said, he knew there was something definitive in the fact that Nicholas disarmed Alexander without another word, threw down his sword and walked off the pitch just as swift as he'd come. Alexander laid out ont he grass and stayed there for a moment before getting to his feet, sheathing his sword, putting away Nicholas's and following after him.

Nicholas had made it to the lower town when Alexander caught up with him, grabbing his arm and dragging him aside.

"What is your problem?"

"My problem is you," Nicholas replied. "I don't want to argue with you-"

"Then why keep bringing it up?"

"Why keep avoiding it?!" Nicholas asked. "You know as well as I the second that Arthur finds out this charade you're playing is over. You know that-"

"That isn't my life anymore," Alexander said, taking his hands and squeezing. "We talked about this, didn't we? It's the reason we all left Dale isn't it?"

"Dale and Mercia are two different things, Alex!"

"I was banished," Alexander pleaded. "We're together, why isn't that enough for you?"

Nicholas sighed, "It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with-"

"With what? Some sense of duty that I don't have. I can't be Alexander and Alex at the same time Nick. You want me to go back? To what? To reclaim my father's kingdom? To Leave you? Is that what you want? You don't want me-"

"Of course I want you!"

"Then why does it matter! Let Mercia rot. Let my father's legacy die with him! Let it fall and for once let someone have a happy ending."

Nicholas shook his head, "What about the citizens of Mercia? Your mother?"

"As if she defended me. She was on the bandwagon-"

"You owe them your strength as their Ki-"

"I am not," Alexander growled. "I'm a man with a past, that's all."

"What about all those people? Druid, no druid... You know that the new regime is turning into another Great Purge."

Alexander froze at that and looked away, Nicholas slid a hand over his jaw, "We may not be able to be together the way Merlin and Arthur can be, but that doesn't mean we have the right to covet our happiness when people are suffering... Whether you like it or not, you are the heir."

Alexander wanted to argue, but Nicholas had that look in his eyes. That calm wisdom that beat him down every time He leaned forward, pulling Nicholas into his arms and closing his eyes.

"I don't want to lose you..." He said. "I don't want it to be like that again. I don't want to hide."

"You are hiding," Nicholas said. "You can't pretend that part of you doesn't exist... you can't hide from who you are."

"And you?" He asked.

"I'm not-"

"Don't," he said, squeezing him. "Don't do that to me, Nicholas. Please..."

He nodded, holding him steady and letting him breathe before pushing back, "We need to talk to Arthur."

Alexander groaned, "I don't need more of you on my case about this."

Nicholas laughed, "Yes you do, come on."

* * *

"You're saying the rebels are getting worse?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, our sources say that they're starting another Purge. Many of the Mercian populous are rushing into Camelot borders and being pursued. There's already been an attack on a border town. The Mercian heir only had one male heir, the female heir and the queen were killed soon after the King died.'

Arthur sighed, "Where is this heir?"

They shook their heads, "I believe he was banished before the King died... some years ago... You couldn't have been more than eighteen at the time."

Arthur ran a hand through his hair, "Is Merlin abreast of the situation?"

Leon nodded, "He's tending to some of the survivors now I believe."

Arthur nodded and said to ready the knights to be prepared for war with the rebel Mercians. Council was dismissed and he ran into Nicholas and Alexander. One looking grim and the other looking a little more than hopeful. Nicholas had a large tomb under his hand.

"I... hope everything is alright with you two."

"We need to speak with you," Nicholas said. "It's about Mercia..."

He nodded and guided them into the counsel chamber. Nicholas opened the page of the tomb that held Alexanders name and for a long time Arthur could only hear nothing.

"What?" He asked dumbly gaping between them, his face was a dark red and Nicholas laughed.

"It's true Arthur, all of it as much as Alex doesn't like to admit it."

* * *

With the throng of people flooding the border and the preparations to go and deal with the Mercian rebels, Arthur didn't get to see Merlin at all. He figured that once the whole business of putting Alexander back on the throne was done, things would settle down a little more, but really hoped that he got more than dry reports. Dale had already been reclaimed by Merlin and a small band of Druids, the boundaries had been restored and many of the magical populous flocked there from Mercia. A non-magical knight had written the report expounding on the swiftness of Merlin's actions. Apparently, he was a force of nature with infinite ability and energy.

Arthur got to see it for himself when they went into Mercia under the cover of darkness and gathered the remaining people to smuggle them out and begin the systematic overthrow of the fake regime. They'd cut through a portion of the army with ease, smuggling people out of carts headed towards Mercia itself and hitched a ride. Alexander's entire body tensed as they neared the gates of Mercia, he gripped his sword and shook his head as memories came barreling at him. Nicholas kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand gently.

"It's okay. He's dead."

Alexander nodded at that and was the first to jump out of the cart and battle his way through the guards. Arthur was just behind him, Nicholas too and they really hoped that Merlin was already-

_Well... damn.._

They stared at the rushing blue fire pressing out from every opening in the castle, pushing out bandits and rounding them up in the square, containing them as Merlin marched out with the leader in tow. Arthur gawked. What the hell just-

_Damn I was right..._The Blue and silver looked much better that Pendragon red and he wore it well, standing tall and filling out his self-made armor and robes. Arthur licked his lips as Merlin threw the man at Alexander's feet.

"I didn't know what you wanted to do with them..."

Alexander blinked, he didn't even know what the hell he was doing, but it was enough that most of the men had obviously surrendered and their leader said something about surrendering as well. With that done, all was left was to send out word that the Mercian throne had been reclaimed and was still in alliance with Camelot, allows magic and would be annexing Dale. Arthur guessed that was supposed to be the compromise they reached as Nicholas was appointed Archmage as well.

It seemed that everyone was stealing his ideas.

They stayed the night in the Mercian palace helping to set the place right again, but still Arthur didn't see much of Merlin. He was either tending to the wounded, strengthening the garrisons, fixing the building or running around doing something that wasn't by Arthur's side. They ended up returning to Camelot at separate times as he rode out to Dale with Nicholas and Arthur was needed back in Camelot.

There was anothe busy week before Arthur actually saw Merlin again. Long enough that the other's sheets were losing his scent and even the knowledge that it was Merlin's room wasn't enough to stave off the cold. He was back on the potions as a precaution.

"What' in this anyway?" Arthur asked looking at the empty blue potion bottle before swallowing the red one after lunch.

Gaius shook his head, "You don't want to know sire."

He winced at that and was at least glad that it wasn't terrible. He bid the old man goodbye and headed outside. Merlin was in Camelot he knew that much and from the reports, he wouldn't be leaving soon either. The only problem seemed to be catching the man. Which didn't happen until all of his secretive preparations had been made. It was much later, a little after the normal dinner hour when Merlin came back into the palace carrying a bunch of scrolls and a tired smile. He'd been running around all day dealing with housing allocation, jobs, and other necessities for the relocated Druids. Writing letters to other Druids camps, to Mercia and Dale... It had been exhausting and now spoiled by at least having a roll available to him at any time in the day, he was starving. Arthur caught him before he managed to get to the kitchens.

"At last I see you," Arthur said. "Come on, dinner is already set up."

Merlin frowned, "Don't tell me you cooked it..."

Arthur rolled his eyes rather than blushing, "...And if I did?"

"Who are you and what have you done with the King?"

Arthur laughed dragging him up towards their rooms, telling him to wash up and meet him in the room down the hall. Merlin fussed a bit but did as he asked. Arthur headed back to the room to pull the roasting chicken out of the fire and slid it on the platter just as Merlin came in a simple tunic and breeches and his eyebrow rose.

"You cooked a chicken..."

Arthur flushed, "I..."

There was no need to be embarrassed about it now. He'd been furtive and strong in his avoidance of embarrassment when asking Gwen on the best way to cook things. She'd had that knowing smile and wrote him out a list. He caught his own chicken and spent enough time in the kitchen to snag some herbs and vegetables. His knife work had been good, he supposed that was because it wasn't anything too complicated. He'd slow cooked and tasted everything at least three times over before declaring anything done. He'd been nervous and he was nervous now.

He cleared his throat and avoided Merlin's eyes, "Yes. Yes, I did."

His eyes flickered across the table, vegetables were still steaming, and less that professionally chopped, thus unless Arthur had magic, or the cooks were losing their touch with presentation, it meant that they'd just been cooked by Arthur as well... A sprite bumped around on Merlin's insides at the gesture. It was so romantic and sweet it nearly killed him.

"You... made us dinner?"

Arthur cleared his throat, "I didn't actually. William did."

Merlin snickered and slid into his chair as Arthur did the same. The other worried his lip and busied himself by carving the chicken up.

"Thank you," he said as Arthur cleared his throat again and allowed Merlin to pour the wine in the two goblets at hand. "This is... quite a feast... What's the occasion?"

Arthur took a sip and looked at him, "I figured... it was about time we had a proper meal together after everything that's happened..."

Merlin smiled slyly over the rim of his cup, "A proper meal?"

"Well... yes."

"Mmhm...you cooked up dinner for a proper meal? I think this would be an attempt at courting...I mean especially after practically-"

"Okay, okay," Arthur said, running a hand through his hair nervously. "I... I just wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Everything," he said, dodging around. His eyes shifting around the room and avoiding Merlin who watched in slight amusement."...I guess... I don't know. Anything."

"Hm," Merlin tilted his head. He had a feeling that this was going to be part two of their Crystal Cave revelations and the rest of everything that would have to come before they were intimate. Or rather, before Merlin would be comfortable with being intimate.

_Well, if he's not going to be specific..._

"How about this Archmage business. When exactly were you going to inform me that we were practically married?"

Arthur swallowed, "Well... well... eventually."

"Uh huh, never really planned on asking me?"

"Well, well the position isn't really a marriage it's just... I..." Arthur stumbled, shaking his head and trudging past the squirming need to retreat and run quickly from the room. "I didn't know how you would feel about that."

"Yet you told me."

"I didn't mean to... It kind of slipped out. Your presence compels me to be honest, more than I care to."

Merlin looked a little shocked at that bit of truth and Arthur cleared his throat, downing the rest of his goblet to ease his nerves before dedicating his focus to eating. Merlin took his time savoring the blend of spices and honey glaze. He tasted the recipe before, mainly because it was his own that he'd made for Gaius, Gwen, and Lancelot for the Knight's birthday. It was the day he'd mastered the crossbow and caught the pheasant unawares from about a hundred paces and soaring through the trees. It was a moment of triumph that Arthur was never privy to because anytime he was made to shoot with the man present he made himself a terrible shot.

_I should probably tell him about that too.._He sighed, thinking there were a lot of things he would have to remember to tell Arthur. He would have to at least get the main ones out though. Minor things like his archery were less important.

"Is that why you gave me the position?"

"I gave it to you because I knew you could perform well in it... The other part was just... a-"

"Bonus?" Merlin offered with a smile and a sip of his wine.

"Yes... I mean if you say no-"

"You haven't asked me."

Arthur swallowed, his cheeks burning, pulse racing, palms sweating.

"Right... I meant... if you don't... you don't have to-" he huffed, casting his head down in shame.

Why the hell was he so nervous? This was Merlin he was talking to!

_Merlin in a romantic setting, discussing the prospects of marriage and ruling together after years of pining and seriously sexually frustrated! No reason to be nervous at all Arthur, no reason at all._

His heart didn't agree with it, it was so terrified that it was crowding the space where his kidneys were, they were nervous and shoving against his lungs so his entire internal organization was in a jumble. He hadn't felt so Arthur in such a long time the rest of him looked on him in pity as he twiddled his fingers and swallowed hard. After a moment of silence and eating, in which he was sure Merlin was watching him he got up and stalked to the door.

"Where are you going?" Merlin asked.

"I'll be back, promise."

He was gone then trudging down the hall towards his bedroom. He opened his wardrobe and pulled the case out of the back and walked back to the room where Merlin was serving himself another cut of chicken. He didn't bother to think too hard but went straight to him, pulling his chair to sit directly in front of Merlin whom he turned to face him in his chair. Despite the other's strength, he was still light enough that Arthur could manipulate him. He didn't fight him only regarded him, fiddling with the box in his hand.

Merlin waited patiently until Arthur could look at him and he knew that the other was about to tell him something important.

"When I was 18, I left Camelot for a month. Dressed in common clothes and left to the neighboring kingdom. I ended up in Dale."

"You ran away?"

Arthur nodded, "Father was going to marry me off and I decided that if I was going to serve the sentence of the rest of my life I deserved a month of freedom."

Arthur took another breath and went on to tell Merlin about his experience with Alexander and Nicholas, and the rings in the box, how he didn't take them off until they left and how he hadn't even looked at them until now. Merlin recognized the box after seeing it crowded in the back of Arthur's wardrobe for years and wondering what they were.

"I never thought that I might have something like what they had...And now that I have the chance, I don't want to mess it up by being... well a _dollophead_."

Merlin couldn't help but giggle and lean forward to kiss Arthur's forehead gently. The other breathed out.

"Will you marry me...? Well, as close as we can get to being married?"

"Will I stay with you, be faithful to you, and love you for the rest of eternity?"

Arthur held his breath for a moment before nodding and Merlin smiled, kissing him for his attempt and sliding a hand over his jaw.

"Yes."

It was slow. A slow, relaxed smile looking at him as Arthur pulled a ring free and slid it on Merlin's left hand. Upon resting at the base of his finger, the ring shifted and turned blue and silver. Merlin blinked at the shift and Arthur was also confused.

"That's... that's new..."

"It is...? They didn't do that before?"

Arthur shook his head, they'd never changed before and when Arthur slid his on, it turned blue and silver as well the body of a dragon on the band, but it wasn't the Pendragon crest, it looked more like Aithusa and he looked at Merlin who looked at his ring in curiosity, it was exactly the same a white dragon flying around the band shrieking freedom in flight.

"Aithusa," Merlin said looking at it and smiled. "Looks like you'll be wearing my crest."

Arthur sputtered, "You don't have a crest!"

"Whatever Arthur Ambrosius."

Arthur huffed and grumbled something about "Merlin Pendragon", but couldn't help but smile at the way their names fit together either way. They shared another kiss before starting in on pie and picking up conversation again. Unlike other nights, they went to bed together, both of them completely comfortable in curling up to one another in Merlin's bed. Arthur snuggled into Merlin's warmth, sighing in the comfort of someone else being in bed with him. Merlin kissed him goodnight and they slid into sleep together. Unlike the last time, Arthur woke up still pressed against Merlin's side, curled up against him as if Merlin would protect him from the world.

"Morning," Merlin murmured through sleep haze and kissed the other's lips. Arthur hummed in pleasure and nuzzled into Merlin's chest a little more making him laugh.

"I would have never pegged you as a snuggler since you usually take up the entire bed..."

"That's only when I sleep alone..."Arthur admitted. Merlin kissed the top of his head and nudged him to get up. It didn't take much for Arthur to relax his grip and allow Merlin to sit up and get out of bed and start getting ready.

"But why..." Arthur whined as he got further away.

"Because we have things to do, and I'm due to leave at noon."

Arthur sat up at that, "What?"

He'd planned for a day of debauchment, or at least an _hour.__  
_

Merlin shook his head, "I told you that days ago. Escorting a group of Druids to a place they can call home?... Establishing a new town, populous?... gone for a few weeks?"

"A few weeks!" Arthur exclaimed, "I absolutely forbid it!"

Merlin shook his head, sliding on his boots and ignoring Arthur's protests as he leaned down to give the man a kiss.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. Promise..."

"B-B-But..."

Arthur huffed and followed him throughout the entire process of getting ready, demanding information and detail and explanations, up until the point where Merlin swung up on his horse and pet the bay mare gently. Arthur was seriously uncomfortable in his pants, he'd been on a sensual edge for at least a month now and it was driving him crazy. No amount of self-pleasure would help and he would dare try and bring a person that wasn't Merlin into his bed. Wasn't Merlin a man? Why wasn't he frustrated?!

"But I-"

"Arthur," Merlin said in the middle of his rant. Gwaine was saddled up, and was Leon and Mordred. "I will be back soon enough. Relax."

He huffed and Gwaine laughed, apparently they still hadn't gotten down to it, though he did notice the shiny new matching rings. He wondered if Merlin was doing it on purpose or really didn't notice how sexually frustrated Arthur was. He asked that on the way there.

"You think so?" Merlin asked. Gwaine threw up his hands in surrender.

"Merlin! Not everyone has the distinct ability to separate themselves from their deeper needs-"

"Like you."

"-the man's been abstinent for a long time and now you're just teasing him!"

Merlin shook his head and Leon didn't get into the conversation as the reached the camp and swung down to greet people warmly. Well, at least Merlin and Mordred greeted people warmly, Leon and Gwaine had some apprehension as the Druids stared at them intensely, at Merlin and Mordred and then back to them.

"No magic," Merlin said in explanation and then the loud and happy greetings came from the group.

It figured, another magical thing. It turned out that they were mostly ready to go but were still waiting on a few others. The trek started with an elderly couple riding a top Merlin's bay mare, him leading the gentle horse by the reigns in the midst of the group with Mordred. Instinctively, Leon worried about the problem of only have five men to guard such a large group of people, but it was Merlin and he didn't seem to be too worried about it. There was music and singing, food breaks and magic once they crossed into Camelot's borders. Mordred had spent most of the time speaking with a young woman named Kara which made Gwaine laugh at how adorable Mordred was when he was teased.

It wasn't that Merlin was particularly ignoring or without needs. He'd said that everything had to be taken care of first, there were things that needed to be done so that when they were intimate they wouldn't get interrupted every five minutes. Oh no, this trip would be one of the lasts for a long time since they'd fixed up Mercia and Dale. Alexander was proving to be a fine king and he got to keep his happiness. Any overflow of magical people had more than one place to go and numerous contacts. To add to that, the influx of magical information was going well and could be done from Camelot at his leisure starting with the vaults. He'd saved anything specific to Camelot until after all of his excursions so he would have time with his King. He wasn't stupid, he was counting down the moments until he got back with just as much impatience as Arthur. He just had a better sense of priority.

In the meanwhile, Arthur wasn't doing to well. He found himself fiddling with the ring on his finger, in a daze. He got his work done, but as soon as the work was done, he was back to fiddling, squirming in his chair. His mind wandered off to lascivious daydreams in the middle of meetings and he just couldn't seem to get anything done right without extreme focus. Nights were cold, but not. He'd stroked himself into ecstasy and dreamed in passion, but woke up alone and it was driving him crazy. Not to mention, he'd finally gotten a look at Merlin's manservant and boy was that a terrible idea! Tall, lanky, younger than Merlin. Dark hair, not as pale though with less high cheekbones. But it was the damned neckerchief that really did it, and the color scheme. It was like looking at a warped version of Merlin that lead to thoughts about the real Merlin... and a bed... and ropes and...

_Oh God... I've gone back to being a teenager._ He hadn't been this hyper sexualized since his time with Alexander and Nicholas. Training sessions were awkward as he tried to focus on blocking the sword rather than the bulge that was pressing against the front of his trousers and how much he wished that Merlin would hurry the hell up, come home and fuck him senseless.

But it didn't happen. The month that Merlin was gone moved on in an agonizing pace and he swore that if he saw the man he would have tackled him to the ground in broad daylight and rode him into abandon... It was that bad.

Oh and the servant's name was Myrddin. _Kill him now!_

He was in Merlin's chambers, monopolizing the desk that Merlin never used since he was hardly ever in his chambers and sorting through the reports he'd been giving. He stood up arraying the reports and maps across the table and surveyed them, finally focusing on one thing only: garrison placement.

He didn't even notice Merlin coming in he was so dazed and focused. In the back of his mind, he was splayed out on the floor, arms tied behind his back, bent over and being pounded into oblivion, his face pressed against the pillow to muffle his screams. In the front of his mind he was assessing the risk of sending a garrison to Dale.

"_Arthur_," Merlin whispered pressing up against him, wrapping his arms around his waist and making Arthur feel the hardness in his trousers.

He yelped and wanted to turn, but Merlin pressed their hips against the desk to keep him still.

"Ah, ah, ah love..."

A chill went down his spine as Merlin's hands flirted with the ties on his trousers.

_Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes..._

"M-Merlin..." he breathed. "_Please..._"

"Sexually frustrated?" He asked, sliding his hands down Arthur's pants to give one good stroke before flitting away and under his shirt. "Hands on the table."

"Th-The door..."

"Tch, it's open."

Arthur flushed and moved to get away, but Merlin had wrenched his hand behind his back and forced him to bend over the table.

"M-Merlin, the door!"

"It's open," he said. "Now, shh... and relax. You've been waiting for it right? There's a reason why you moan and thrust in your sleep..."

Arthur closed his eyes and refused to speak as Merlin slid his hand down the other's pants, stroking hard.

"Fantasizing about me taking you over a desk, right?"

"M-Merlin, please..."

"I've peaked in on your daydreams... they're very vivid. Strip-duel?"

Arthur groaned as Merlin got him naked and did the same for himself. He kneeled to lick and electric wet line down Arthur back and plunge into him. Arthur choked on a scream and writhed against the edge of the desk as Merlin held him still with what felt like minimal effort.

"Merlin," Arthur moaned. "Please!"

Merlin pulled back, leaning over Arthur, grinding his naked cock against Arthur's arse as he did so, humming innocently as he looked around for the bottle of oil and Arthur panted with need.

"Merlin," he moaned. "_Merlin."_

"Shh," he hushed, retrieving the bottle. "Plenty of time for pleading later, love."

He shivered at the promise. The sound of a guards boots registered faintly as Merlin slid oil slickened fingers inside him and craned his neck for a kiss.

"I'm not going to take you over the desk. I'm going to take you over the table, in front of the door. You'd like that wouldn't you?"

Arthur shook his head, gasping at the thrust of Merlin's fingers against some spot that made his eyes roll back and his throat dry.

"But you were okay with jumping me in the courtyard and riding me into oblivion? I think you just don't want to admit you're an exhibitionist?"

Arthur shook his head desperately, but any sense of protest was ended when Merlin yanked him away from the table by his hair, guiding him with one hand in his strands, his other hand occupied with stretching him and stopped him at the table to peer out into the hallway through the open door. He couldn't even say "Merlin" when Merlin stroked into him to the hilt and thrust with abandon until all Arthur knew was friction, pleasure, and lamplight.

When he came too, he was splayed out on Merlin's bed with the warlock stoking the fire. One of Arthur's robes tied around him. It was dark enough that the firelight was the only light in the room and there was no sense of any movement in the castle. The door was closed and locked and Arthur had a heavy warm feeling throughout his body.

"You're awake," Merlin said. "Hungry?"

Arthur hummed and nodded, moving to sit up as Merlin brought the tray from the table over to the bed with him and slid out of the robe before climbing into bed.

"You alright?"

Arthur nodded mutely, biting into a bit of chicken and snuggling into Merlin with a contented sigh.

"The door wasn't really open was it?" Merlin grinned.

"You're such an exhibitionist."

Arthur gawked, "It wasn't open was it _Merlin?_"

Merlin shrugged, "Does it matter? You got off screaming "I'm such a slut" anyway."

Arthur flushed he didn't remember saying that, he also didn't remember much of anything, it was all buried in a sex filled haze. But looking around he had a good idea of the path they took around the room. From the desk, to the table, up against the wall right beside the door, to the ground, towards the fireplace... Vague flashes came to mind and he flushed not really wanting to think about what he'd said in his sex craze.

"That wasn't fair... you enchanted me."

Merlin snorted and bit into a roll, "_Oh god, Merlin fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!_"

"Shut up!"

Merlin snickered and kissed Arthur's burning red cheek, "There's nothing to be ashamed of love. It was quite a turn on."

Arthur still wasn't happy about being teased, but they finished dinner and after Merlin sucked him off he didn't even remember why he was upset with him. Arthur murmured, whimpered as Merlin slid back into him for a long succession of languid strokes between breathless kisses. From the awkwardness he knew of Merlin, he would have never guessed him to be such a thorough lover.

Thus, when he woke up curled up against Merlin's side in the early morning light, he was a little more than shocked. He looked up at Merlin suspiciously who looked down at him with a sly smile.

"I told you I have many talents that you weren't aware of."

"And what else am I not aware of?"

"Mmm... I'm a better marksman than you."

Arthur gawked and earned himself another kiss. The adjusted position made it very obvious that Merlin was ready to go again and Arthur swallowed, not really sure he would be able to handle it. His apprehension was overridden with Merlin's hand working him and maneuvering him onto his stomach.

"I'll keep you plenty warm, Arthur."

Arthur groaned as Merlin slid into him again, "I... realized."

The tumble was long and by the end of it, Arthur was sure that he wouldn't be walking anywhere anytime soon even with Merlin rubbing soothing circles on his lower back.

"You okay?"

Arthur nodded and hummed, biting his lip and looking up at Merlin with a nervous glance.

"What is it?"

Arthur pushed himself onto his elbows and wormed his way over to kiss Merlin gently and Merlin hummed in appreciation, pulling him by a finger underneath Arthur's chin for another kiss, longer in succession, deeper too, leading to Merlin's hands in his hair and them falling on their sides, desperately kissing. Arthur's meek little sounds being a source of concern until the first tear came and Merlin pulled back abruptly staring at it as it made its way across his lover's cheek.

"What's wrong?" Arthur murmured.

"You tell me..." He said, his eyes focusing on Arthur's until the other realized that he was crying. "Are you hurt?"

Arthur shook his head, "No."

"... regrets?"

"Never," Arthur said immediately.

"Why are you crying, Arthur?"

"I... I just..."

_Say it you idiot. Just say it._

"I... uhm... something that my mother told me... I should do... haven't gotten around to it."

Merlin blinked, regarding him with a steady gaze.

"I uh..."

_It's three little words. Two of them you say all the time! Just say it._

_"I...you."_

Merlin supressed a smirk and blinked in confusion, "What did you say?"

_God can't he hear?_"I...ve...you."

"What?"

_I thought he could read minds! Why is he being difficult?_

But Merlin's face gave no indication of humor or understanding. He was a seasoned actor after all. "I .._lo _...you."

"What?"

"I love you!" Arthur finally said and realizing that he'd screamed it rather than a very calm confession and the fact that Merlin was amused only made his cheeks burn.

"Shut up!" He said, huffing in his embarrassment.

_Smooth Arthur... real smooth._

Merlin kissed his forehead, the bridge of his nose, and then his lips.

"I love you too... even if you're emotionally stunted."

"_Merlin_," he growled. "I'm trying to be romantic."

"It's okay, you can't be perfect at everything."

"MERLIN!"

"It's the thought that counts."

"I'll kill you..."

"It's the sentiment that matters."

"_Merlin..._I'll kill you."

"But then you'd be convicted of treason."

Arthur glowered, he was right. Killing Merlin was like killing Arthur and in some ways worse, he'd have an entire magical rebellion on his hands.

"I'll throw you in the stocks."

"You wish."

"I'll throw you in the dungeons."

"I rebuilt them, I'd just walk out."

He huffed, "I've created a monster-"

His voice cut off with Merlin's hand around his cock and stroking gently and reducing Arthur's protests to needy whining and squirming.

"You were saying."

"Not... fair... manipulating the King..."

"Archmage and husband. I can do that."

"I am _not _the wife in this..."

"You sure? You had dinner ready when I got back..."

"I'll kill you!"

Merlin twisted and Arthur shuddered, biting his lip to keep from screaming.

"I love you," Merlin whispered.

"You... I..."

"Yes honey?"

"I...love you too...please."

"As you wish, wife."

Arthur didn't respond to that as Merlin rolled on top of him. He'd deny it to the day he died that he was moaning "fuck me like I'm your wife" or the pride he felt at the name "Arthur Ambrosius." Nope. He'd never admit it. He was free not to ever need to without the excuse that Merlin had magic hands that knew his body too well. Even if he didn't act the same way in public, he was the freest in the confines of Merlin's room, beneath the warlock and trapped with the knowledge that he was vulnerable and naked and utterly safe in those arms.

"I love you," Arthur said as they shared dinner that night. Merlin smiled across the table at him.

"Feeling free?"

"Always with you."


End file.
